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Advice for Sisters in Christ

How to Find a God Fearing Man God’s Way

How many times have you told yourself “I want a good husband but there’s nothing out there!”? Read this article to help you achieve your dream of living a happy married life.

How to Get a Christian Husband

Tip 1: We all have gifts and flaws, focus on your gifts rather than your flaws

I am not handsome and I have no problem saying it either. However, I am a hard worker who can offer a potential partner a better life than she had before. That was my gift. When I was single I didn’t spend my time dwelling on the fact that I am not handsome. Instead, I focussed on what I CAN offer a potential partner and I don’t just mean money. I could offer my love and loyalty to her. I could offer the fact that I won’t try to trade her for a prettier girl once she starts getting older.

Tip 2: Be helpful

This is so important and yet I don’t see enough women doing it.  God made women for men because, frankly, men need women. Most of the time the woman is the rock of the relationship although we guys are afraid to admit it. Being a single guy can be tough and most men would welcome a woman’s touch in many aspects of his life. When I was dating my wife one of the things that piqued my interest was her kind and helpful nature. I remember a mutual friend’s puppy was causing a ruckus in his house. She picked him up and with her gorgeous feminine hands lovingly wiped the slobber off his mouth with a paper towel, smiled at him, and softly told him to ‘relax baby’. After that, the puppy calmed down and I knew this girl was the one.

Men notice when a woman is kind, patient, and helpful. If you adopt these princples your future husband will notice too.

Tip 3: Don’t push for a commitment too quickly

Men are afraid of commitment. That’s just the way it is and the quickest way to scare a man away is to push for a commitment too quickly. In general, the guys that will commit quickly aren’t the guys you really want in the first place.

That being said I’m not saying just give him the milk for free so he doesn’t have to buy the cow. There are ways to make him want you without pushing for a commitment quickly.

  1. Let him know through your actions that you don’t need him. Men are attracted to women that like them but don’t need them. In this day n age, very few men are interested in a super needy woman and the ones that are interested are mostly just looking to take advantage of a woman. If a guy sees that after he didn’t call you back that you’re not going to run after him and blow up his phone that’s a signal to him that you’re a confident woman.
  2. Never be afraid to walk away from a sale. When I was younger I had a sales job for a major phone company in the US. My sales were lagging and I was having to give away way too many freebies to close each deal. I was in danger of losing my job. I decided to talk to a co-worker who was one of the top performers and he gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever had. He told me “your problem is you’re too afraid of losing the deal and they sense that. If you want to be successful you can’t be afraid to walk away from a sale”. After hearing that and understanding what it meant I became one of the top performers in the company. Those words stuck with me 10 years later. It doesn’t matter how much you like the guy if he’s giving you nonsense don’t be afraid to walk away. Many guys will test your convictions by testing to see how far they can push you. If you’re not afraid to walk away you’ll pass every time.

Tip 4: Try to get on board with some of his hobbies

Try to get onboard with some of our hobbies: There are some things we’ll never understand about each other. Like why you need so many shoes. Or why you need to buy a new dress just because a friend of yours bought the exact same one you got on sale a week ago.

You’ll probably never understand why we’re into sports or games and why our idea of getting together with friends is sitting on a couch with beers in hand, watching a game in a silence that’s only broken when a player fumbles or makes a winning basket. You don’t get it. We don’t get it either. Just let us be. Tell us when we’re going overboard, but let us have our hobbies and distractions. If we wanted to go check out an art opening, trust me we would’ve already been there by now.

Try to find something you both can enjoy and it will help you to bond with your man much quicker and easier.

Tip 6: Men Need Support and Encouragement Too

We guys like support and encouragement, just like you do: Before you ask us to give up on one of our -admittedly ridiculous- projects, give us a chance. Give us some support and encouragement so that even if we fail, we can say we failed with pride, knowing we did all that we could. We try to encourage you to get into things that you like, even though we may not understand it, like art, fashion, dancing and so on. So next time we have an absurd idea, like the vest equivalent of a beer helmet, support us, instead of turning it down without another word.

Tip 7: Be a Godly Woman

I won’t preach to you about being a Proverbs 31 woman so let me just tell you that you can protect yourself from a lot of heartaches by being a person of integrity. If all you’re looking for is a sugar daddy then expect to have a domineering and controlling partner.

That’s the only reason most men are willing to be sugar daddies.  In addition, there are other things to look out for: Claiming love too quickly, quick to anger, promising lavish gifts, constantly bringing up how much money he’s spending on you, not respecting your sexual boundaries. Those are all signs of an abusive man.

Tip 8: Meet Him in the Right Places

If you want to get a good Christian man then you need to go where the good Christian men are. Of course, start at your church but the male/female ratios in many churches aren’t in your favor so you may need to look elsewhere. I met my wife on eharmony. Read my story, but there are other great sites as well. Christian Cafe is a good choice as they are Christian owned and operated. You can use this link to get a free trial with no credit card required. Christian mingle is the world’s largest Christian dating website and they let you set up an account for free and see your matches.

Related: Christian Mingle vs Eharmony

Lastly, be very careful who you take relationship advice from.

What I mean specifically is be wary of advice from single people. Just from my experience, I’ve noticed single people are always the first to tell you to break up with someone. Even if they are not intentionally trying to keep you single like them I’ve seen that tendency. When listening to advice its important to remember the source. Who would you rather take career advice from? A CEO or an Office Assistant? Both can offer decent feedback but let us be honest most of us would rather listen to a CEO.

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Advice for Brothers in Christ

How to Find a Christian Wife God’s Way

Many younger Christian men avoid marriage because they are afraid of choosing the wrong woman to be their spouse. It’s no surprise given all the images we see of men being cleaned out by the wrong woman. I tell you the truth, if you learn how to find a wife God’s way you can’t go wrong.

One of the most important things I stress when speaking to Christian men is the importance of finding a Godly wife and, while not to rush, to marry sooner rather than later. The reason this is important is that: let’s face it brothers; the female form is one of, if not the, most powerful weapons the enemy uses against us in our journey towards God.

The Lord created the woman for man and the man for woman in the proper channel–marriage.  The thing is it’s much more complicated than that. Sometimes my good-intentioned fellow teachers and writers put too much emphasis on marriage–inadvertently leading young men to choose the wrong wife or even leave Christ.

Avoiding corporeal sin is just one reason Christian men should seek marriage. Another important reason is that a good wife is critical to helping a man on the right path to God. It is written in Genesis 2:18 “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”.

Scientific data bear this out. It is proven that married men live longer, make more money, and are happier than their single counterparts. In order for a Christian man to have a Godly marriage, he must choose a Godly woman who will help him on his journey.

What makes a Godly woman?

That, of course, begs the question of what are the qualities of a Godly woman? There are the classic qualities that many of us have heard

The most important is that she is serious about her faith. She is a kind woman that wants to support her husband and will stick with him through thick and thin.

Scripture about pursuing a woman

It is written in Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” You see the word ‘find’ is written. I strongly believe as men of God it is our job to pursue and court a woman.

The world tells us it’s okay for a woman to pursue a man but I feel that is against God’s plan. Any pursuit of a woman should always begin with prayer. We must pray for His guidance when seeking a life companion.

Christian men are targets for gold diggers

How to Find a Christian Wife

I tell you the truth, Christian men are often the targets of gold diggers, scammers, and others with nefarious intentions. Many gold diggers choose Christian men as their targets because they know that God has commanded us to take care of and honor our wives.

An acquaintance of mine from college was a good guy but had a serious problem with lust. His goal was to get married right after he graduated to fulfill his desires.

In his words, he wanted “The hottest bod [he] could find”. He ended up with a girl that was Christian in name only. She regularly went to bars, loved to adorn herself with expensive jewelry & clothing, and even got a breast augmentation.

She managed to sink her claws into him and despite pretty much everyone telling him she wasn’t the right girl for him (2 pastors even declined to marry them) he married her anyway. Last I heard a year ago she maxed out all of his credit cards, ran up massive debts, and then filed for divorce.

How to find a Christian wife according to the Bible

These general guidelines will help those of us who are looking for a Christian girlfriend to become our wives.

Date with the intention to marry

The first step is to separate ourselves from the world’s view on dating. The world’s way is not God’s way. The world tells us to play the field and ‘try it before we buy it’ but that’s not what Christ has taught us.

It’s important as Christian men that we date with the intention to marry. That doesn’t mean just take the first woman that’s even marginally compatible and shows interest. It means we should be searching for a woman that can become suitable a life partner.

Looks matter to you and her

Which leads me to my next point. Some people teach that as Christians we shouldn’t look at outward appearance when selecting a mate. As Christians, if we really want a Godly woman our dating pool is limited.

The women that are most likely to draw our eye are usually the ones we shouldn’t be dating.  In my opinion, looks absolutely do matter. There has to be some physical attraction. Plus a woman that can’t control her eating probably lacks discipline in other important areas as well.

A good rule of thumb for Christian men to follow is if you can see yourself being intimate with her with the lights on then she’s pretty enough. A good ratio is 30% looks 70% personality. Not the other way around like many younger men like to think.

I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t point out that we too must work to make ourselves physically appealing to a female as well.

Remember, women have eyes too. I’m not saying you need to have abs to get a good girl but if one is overweight working to lose some of it will help you tremendously in your search for a suitable spouse. Not to mention as servants of God Christians are commanded to take care of our bodies. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

Look for consistency in her beliefs

Some women will claim to have Jesus in their hearts but their beliefs are inconsistent. If she tells you that she loves the Lord and is serious about her faith yet can’t recite a single Bible verse verbatim that shows lack of sincerity. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible is just two words “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Think about it, would you take someone seriously who said Star Wars was their favorite movie but couldn’t recite a single line from the film?

Related: A REAL Christian Cafe vs Christian Mingle Comparison

We must be Godly men

Men of God must behave in a manner that bequeaths the teachings of Jesus. If you truly want to be a Godly man there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push her to sin with her body, respect her, and honor her etc. While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).

Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young lady. She’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with her. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there and you’re seeing her getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job as a man to put the breaks on.

Yes, it will hurt her temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt her a lot more if she finds out that you just settled for her. If you’re not feeling it with her despite the fact that she looks good on paper that means God is trying to tell you she’s simply not the right woman for you.

The core of a Christ-like man and husband is to be a leader of his household and stand with honor & integrity. Christian women want a man that shows strength, not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.

We must look in the right places

In order to choose a wife God’s way then we must look in the right places. If we meet a girl at a bar she’s obviously less likely to have the values that God wants us to look for. Church or another distinctive Godly environment is the best choice but there are other options such as Christian dating sites.

I met my wife on eHarmony. Read my story of how I met my life partner. eharmony one of the largest Christian datings site in the world. They let you see your matches for free. Check to see if they still do that. Christian Cafe is another great option as they work to actually keep the site as Christian as possible–not to mention it’s Christian owned. If you are adventurous and want to look abroad try Christian Filipina. Many mature Christian men look to the Philippines as the women are traditional and have a more forgiving attitude towards age than western women.

Further Reading: Top 5 Sites to Find a Christian Wife

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Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

How Tinder Keeps Christians Single

Americans adults are more likely to be single than at any point in our country’s history. In 1960 72% of American adults were married. Today 63% of American adults have never been married. Just over half of 18-34 year-olds have no steady partner at all.

Is it that people just don’t want to be bothered with dating anymore? I don’t think so online dating has surged with apps like Tinder, Bumble, and others occupying more and more people’s phones. Numerous studies have shown that married people are happier, healthier, and wealthier than their single counterparts.

• ­­Married couples rated their life satisfaction 9.9% higher than widows and widowers. • Married couples were 8.8% happier than higher than divorced or separated people. • Singles, however, only reported being 0.2% happier than those who are divorced. What Matters Most to Personal Well-Being UK Office of Natl Statistics

So what’s the problem? Part of it is that we are victims of our own success. Back in the days when you needed a partner to survive marriage rates were obviously higher. Nowadays we can earn enough money to make it on our own. That’s also what’s contributed to the surge in the divorce rates in the ’70s and ’80s.

But most of us already knew that. I’d also like to propose that dating apps/sites like Tinder have contributed to the singleness epidemic.

Is Tinder Good for Christians?

Many Christians want to know if they should use apps like Tinder and Bumble when seeking a partner. After all, ‘everybody’s doing it’.  I won’t bore you with hypothetical scenarios about jumping off a bridge but suffice it to say that popularity isn’t the criterion of which we, as Christians, should evaluate something.

When evaluating a dating app we should ask ourselves whether or not it will help us in achieving our goals. As Christians, the goal of dating should be marriage. Dating for too long can lead to a host of problems such as sexual sins and acting like you’re married when you’re actually not. However, I want to go beyond that. There are other good reasons why Christians, or anyone who’s serious about dating, might want to avoid ‘dating’ apps like Tinder.

They Create Paradox of Choice

Ever been rejected by someone who you thought was in your league? Remember, that great feeling you got when you saw that they were still single and looking 6 months later? Come on, be honest I know I do. Apps like Tinder that encourage you to ‘swipe left’ teach you to devalue people. ‘Up she had a mole’ or ‘oh his smile is weird’.

The average person looks at a photo on Tinder approximately 2 seconds.  Do you really think two seconds are enough to evaluate a fellow human being? Tinder creates the illusion that there are so many options that we can be super picky. This creates a paradox of choice; meaning that people don’t want to make a choice because they’re afraid they’ll miss out on something better.

Tinder is Addictive

Using Tinder is surprisingly similar to playing the slots. With one pull you could get that $10,000 jackpot. But since you don’t know when the lucky pull is coming just keep pulling and pulling (and paying). Tinder is essentially the same. You may log on and meet that hot guy or girl that wants to a serious relationship with you, but more often you’ll get disappointment and even mistreatment from other users. Since you don’t know when you will hit that jackpot you keep logging on again and again which causes you to get frustrated.

Once frustrated its easy to take it out on other users since the environment is still relatively anonymous. So what you end up with is a situation where you’re addicted to an app that causes you pain and frustration. This is no accident. Free dating apps make their money users clicking on the ads inside the app.  The longer you spend in an app the more likely you are to click on an ad or upgrade your membership. That means they’re designed to keep you on the app and swiping as much as possible.

It Can Cause You to Base Your Self Worth on Sex

We all know that many people use Tinder to hookup. By its very nature, the app is superficial. People put the best picture of themselves that they can in hopes someone they like will swipe right. Your entire worth on the app is based on how good your photo looks.

When you meet someone in real life they can get a much better picture of you. They can see your mannerisms and strike up a conversation. People are usually less rude in real life than they are online. They’ll give someone a chance in real life who they otherwise would’ve swiped left on Tinder.

Tinder Teaches Selfishness

When you go on Tinder you’re presented with this buffet of men or women in front of you which gives the illusion of a lot of choices. That’s why when many of us go on the app we just think about what we want and what will make us happy at the moment.

But real relationships don’t work that way. Real relationships are an amalgamation of what both parties want and they compromise to make it work. But on apps like Tinder if a guy or girl doesn’t check all of our boxes we can easily just move on to the next one. It gives a false impression that there’s always something better right around the corner and makes us less likely to stick it out when times get tough with our partners.

It should be no surprise that most Tinder users have only been on one date from the app and that less than 25% are looking for a long term relationship.  The bottom line is most people on Tinder aren’t serious.

If Not Tinder Then What?

I hope I didn’t dash all of your hopes of finding that special someone. There’s a lot more than Tinder out there. The best way to meet someone is to meet them in person. As I said before you just a better idea of who a person is in real life as opposed to the best selfie they can take. If not real life there are a plethora of Christian dating sites out there.

Christian Mingle and eHarmony come to mind but there are others. OkCupid is a favorite of many people because its free. I have an entire list of good Christian dating sites for men and for women you can look at. Just remember the most important thing in finding a partner is someone who shares your faith and a person who you can respect.

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American Teacher Attacked By English Center Owner in Vietnam

I had one of the scariest moments of my entire life yesterday in Vietnam. I was teaching at Young Talent English Center in Dong Xoai City. I really loved my students but my bosses not so much. The school is run by a husband a wife Mr. Thanh and Mr. Hong.

Owners of Young Talent English Center Don’t Keep Their Word

Me in the center, to my right Marvin Contapay, to the far right Thanh Nguyen, the bottom center Hong Chu

‘

They Overpromised here’s the agreement vs what actually happened.

The original agreement:

  • $19USD (418,000vnd) per hour
  • 1 Million Per month housing support
  • I pay for the medical exam
  • A house to live in
  • They pay for all legal expenses such as work permit, translation of documents into Vietnamese, photographs, etc
  • A motorbike to use to get to and from work

What actually happened

  • I held up my end always arriving early and prepared for class
  • They refused to make the agreement in writing
  • They deducted money from my salary to pay for the work permit
  • Ms. Hong wanted me to pay for the photos
  • They kept taking the good motorbike back
  • They purchased a junk motorbike and expected me to pay to repairs
  • They expected me to be on call ready and willing to teach at any moment despite only being part time
  • The housing never materialized
  • They didn’t pay for the final two hours of teaching nor the pro-rated housing support

You see we had an agreement that they would cover all my legal employment expenses (work permit, translation of documents into Vietnamese, photos, etc) except for the medical exam. They also agreed to provide housing and a motorbike to use since there is no public transportation in the countryside.

I faithfully held up my end of the bargain. I always arrived to work early and prepared for classes. However, they didn’t treat me the same way. There was always something extra. First, they told me I had to pay $30 for some extra fee because I had been in Vietnam for less than 6 months. I wasn’t happy with that breach and I expressed that to them.

However, even though they were wrong I apologized anyway and agreed to pay it just to keep the peace.  What’s worse is the wife had the nerve to act salty even after I apologized even though I hadn’t done anything wrong. Then when we went to take pictures for my documents I could tell Ms. Hong wanted me to pay even though she was supposed to. There were other little things like this that kept popping up. The housing never materialized so I still didn’t have a permanent place to live. They didn’t discuss the scheduling with me. They expected me to be available any time at any day even though I was only part-time. Ms. Hong even sent out message to the group chat stating that they didn’t have to discuss the teacher’s schedules with anyone.

Then there were constant issues with use of the motorbike. They would give it to me but then kept taking it back. Finally, they told me I could keep the motorbike until they bought another bigger one for me to use.  Well, it didn’t work out that way. I got a call a few days later saying that they sold the motorbike and they were taking it away. I wasn’t happy but they assured me the ‘new’ motorbike would be here and just a few days.

The Last Straw

The ‘new’ motorbike arrived and it was a piece of junk. The right turn signal in the back had been knocked off and was hanging by the wires, the brakes were not working properly, the tires were bald, and the key would fall out of the ignition while the motorbike was turned on. I wasn’t happy but even still I decided to hold my tongue and discuss the motorbike with them at a different time.

Then they send a message to the group chat suggesting I take the bike to the shop for repairs without offering to pay the costs. In other words, they were trying to get me to pay to fix their motorbike! I told them no and they said okay but I had enough at this point. I sent them a message making it clear I was not responsible to repair their motorbike. Gas and oil changes I’ll take care of but I’m not going to fix a motorbike that I just got for 2 days. I also told them that they’ve been making a lot of changes to our agreement in their favor and I wasn’t going to take it anymore. If they couldn’t honor our original agreement then we should just part ways.

There was some back and forth but they said I could just pick up my money.

All Hell Broke Loose

I went to pick up my money and as Ms. Hong was about to give it to me Mr. Thahn said no to wait that we needed to talk first. I told him there was nothing to discuss, just give me my money and lets just part ways. He then leaned in and whispered ‘fuck you’ and gave me the middle finger. I shouted ‘fuck you’ back and then he went to his home portion of the center and emerged with some sort of wooden weapon. Another teacher separated us but he kept accosting me. It was then that I decided to record the rest on my phone.

The Owner of Young Talent Attacked Me

The guy is totally nuts. I did get my money but as I was leaving he said ‘I’ll see you tomorrow!’ as in he wanted a second round. I decided to leave Dong Xoai City. the saddest part of this is that I’ll never get to see my students again. I really love teaching and I will miss them.

Pepperball Self Defense Launcher

The Threats

That should’ve been the end of it but they are now sending threats after I uploaded the video to Youtube. They’ve threated to have me thrown in jail and whatnot.  They’ve also made public racial statements about me.

 

Of course, they had to throw in some racism.

They Hire Questionable Teachers

They have a teacher there, Marvin Contapay. He has been accused several times of being too friendly with the boy students and touching them way too much. The ironic thing is they keep their son away from him yet they still allow him to be alone with young male students.

Young Talent Has Questionable Advertising Practices

They post photos of themselves with foreign white teachers implying that those teachers work there. This is not true. When I was there the only foreign teachers were an African, a black American (me), and two Filipinos. They know that white teachers are marketable but the white teachers refuse to work there.

Get a Visa to Vietnam Faster and Easier with iVisa

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Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

Are You Ready for Intimacy? – Christian Dating Advice

Are you ready for great intimacy in your life? You probably think I’m asking if you’re ready for sex,  but you’d be wrong. What I’m actually asking is if you are ready to grow close to someone through mutual respect, caring, support, understanding, and increasing levels of acceptance? To put it plainly, are you ready for a real Godly relationship?

Are You Ready for a Godly Relationship?

Intimacy as defined above is something that takes work and practice to get better at. There are certain challenges that make true intimacy between gay men even harder, namely the lack of social acceptance, but fortunately, that problem is declining in most places in the world..

If you’re not sure if you’re read here are some questions you can answer to see if you are ready for a true Godly relationship.

#1 Do You Have Courage? 

Specifically, do you have the courage to be vulnerable? The way you begin the process of building intimacy is to reveal personal information about yourself to your potential partner and he to you.  Once you guys do this you will begin to have a sense of mutuality.

Over time this can lead to intimate bonding. If you’re not ready to be vulnerable then you may not be ready for a relationship.

#2 Can You Keep a Secret?

Most of us love to hear gossip but dislike those who gossip all the time. If you want a successful relationship then your partner must trust that you won’t reveal the personal information that he’s telling you.

Be mindful of what you are saying when you are speaking about another person. You may not think people don’t notice when you gossip but believe me they do.

Be careful what you say and protect your life. A careless talker destroys himself.

Proverbs 3:13

#3 Can You Show Concern for Their Sensitivities?

I remember I was talking to this girl and we were having a conversation about our past dating experiences. I told her a story about how I had been talking to another girl for almost a month via texts and voice calls. We finally decided to meet and it was decided I would travel to a city closer to her and we would spend the weekend together in the mountains.

Well, I didn’t manage to get there until 12 am and she didn’t get in until around 3 am. When she got in he wanted sex  I told her that I was a Christian and couldn’t have sex until marriage (I told her this before) The next morning we ate breakfast and he told me he was going to store and would be back. Long story short I never heard from her again, she just left without even saying anything and it really hurt me.

The girl I was telling this to then quipped, “You got hurt just for that?!”. Suffice it to say it went nowhere between the two of us.

If we want to be in a relationship then we have to show concern for the sensitivities of others even if we don’t fully agree with them.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

#4 Can You Be Lovingly Honest?

We all know that honesty is the best policy but some of us take it too far, myself included, and can be just brutal. In fact, learning how to be honest in an effective way takes practice. Let’s say the guy you are talking to is trying on a pair of butt ugly shoes, is just grinning about it, and he asks you your opinion.

You can say ‘those are the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen!’ but that won’t win you any points now will it? But you also don’t want to say you love them when you don’t as that would be dishonest. The better way would be to say something like ‘Well, I really like those black ones over there’.  Being lovely honest is a great way to build trust.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Ephesians 4:15

#5 Can You Act Dependably?

The guy you are talking to wants to see that you respect him. One of the ways to do that is by acting dependably. That means making sure you’re always on time for your dates, for example. I get that stuff happens but when you’re late its best to just apologize and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Please! If he points out that you’re late don’t point out that time he was late or just make excuses. The bottom line is you had an agreement (to meet at a certain time) and you broke that agreement. Even if it’s just a small commitment the best course of action is to just apologize and try not to let it happen again.

Just remember it’s the little things that can cause the biggest problems or lead to the biggest rewards.

But whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

1 John 2:5-6

Wrapping it Up

The things I talked about above are the things that need to happen in order to intimacy to occur. Intimacy is the fundamental component of an effective godly relationship. As you can see intimacy takes work (more for some than others), hence the maxim relationships take work.

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4 Signs God is About to Bless You With a Relationship

Are you single and waiting? Here are some signs that God may be about to bless you with a great relationship. While there are no guarantees these are things I’ve seen happen to those who are about to find ‘the one’.

1. You Just Feel It

Sometimes when a big blessing is about to come, we just feel it in our bones. Before I met my financé I had this feeling that someone was going to come into my life really soon. I had that feeling for about a month or so and then I saw his profile on Compatible Partners. As soon I saw him I stopped talking to all the other guys I was talking to and just concentrated everything I had on winning him over.

2. You are Becoming The Person You Want to Date

We all want to get the best partner that we can get but sometimes we expect more from our partners than we do from ourselves. For example, you say you want a good wholesome guy yet you still are watching pornography every night, have Grindr installed on your phone, and go off on someone at the slightest provocation. Those are signs you are not yet ready for God to send you a wholesome partner. However, if you’ve begun working on those things and you’re no longer watching porn all the time or talking to guys who aren’t good for you on Grindr then God may finally bless you with the wholesome partner that you desire.

3. You Are Getting Better at Letting It Be

Letting it be is one of the keys to any relationship succeeding. If you want a spouse and a happy marriage then you need to learn how to communicate, understand, and accept their needs. I’ll just say right off the bat I’ll never understand why a financé feels the need to spend hours watching beauty pageants or to rearrange the furniture every 3-4 months in a room that is already functional. Likewise, he will never understand why I own every episode of every Star Trek series ever made. The key is not to try to understand it the key is to just let it be.

4. You Finally Learn The True Center of A Relationship

One of the big problems in modern relationships is we idolize our partners. In this era of ‘if it feels good do it’ God is often the last thing on our minds. However, we humans were created to worship God and when we take God out of the equation we find something else to worship and idolize. Most often that something is our partners. The reason this is problematic is because if we idolize our partners we are holding them up to an unrealistic standard, that of an idol. And when they do something human we are often crushed. However, when we make GOD the center of our relationships we realize that our partners are still human and will make mistakes. Once we realize that, then God will bless us with a great relationship.

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Advice for Brothers in Christ

How to Be a Good Christian Boyfriend

Are you new to Christian dating? Or maybe if you have a lot of experience in Christian dating and are finally ready to settle down? Either way, many guys want to know how to be a good boyfriend.

So many of the Christian advice blogs out there focus on getting a girlfriend but very few talk about how to keep a woman. Very rarely do relationships end due solely to the actions of one person, and Christian relationships are no different. Relationships fail for all sorts of reasons but it’s almost never pleasant.

How to Be A Good Christian Boyfriend

If you want to get and keep your girl here’s how to be a good Christian boyfriend.

  •  Give her a chance
  •  Understand the difference between being loved and loving someone
  •  Be patient
  •  Be forgiving 
  •  Honesty is the best policy
  •  Know what you want
  •  Be a good listener
  •  Pray for her

Godly Relationship Advice

Before we get into how to be a good Christian boyfriend let me say that the Bible doesn’t mention dating, not even once. I believe that is because dating is meant to be merely a transition between our season of singleness to our season of marriage. As Christians, the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry. So by being a good Christian boyfriend, you will show her that you can be a good Christian Husband.

Why can’t we just play the field and settle down when we find someone we like?

Many brothers in Christ ask this question and it’s understandable but let us first be honest about the roots of this question. Do you seriously expect to date multiple women for years and even decades but never have sex? Or is that the point? The worldly male desire to spread his seed among many females. Collect & select or ‘dating around’ is what those who have succumbed to their bodily desires do. Now that’s not to say that you should just settle down for the first girl you meet but truthfully speaking if you date with the intention to marry you will naturally select the right woman for you sooner rather than later.

When I was single I dated women for their bodies and justified it in my mind as ‘making sure I got the right one’. The truth is I had no intention of settling down for most of the girls I was dating.  Once I accepted Christ back into my life I immediately stopped seeing women as objects and started meeting women who were serious about their faiths.

Give Her A Chance

Sometimes God sends us gifts wrapped in plain paper. Maybe a girl who messages you isn’t what trips your trigger necessarily, but that doesn’t mean she couldn’t be a great girlfriend or wife.

The reason this will help you to be a good boyfriend is that once you learn that a relationship isn’t like Burger King, you can’t always have it your way, then you’ll be better at conflict resolution. Almost all relationships will have conflicts at some point. If you want yours to last then you need to have good conflict resolution skills.

Understand The Difference Between Love and Being Loved

The reason many relationships fail is because a lot of us don’t understand what it means to be a long term relationship and/or marriage. You see, most of us enter into a relationship because we want to be loved but few us understand what it means to actually love someone else. Loving someone else means that you put their needs above yours.  This means before entering into a relationship you should try to assess what her needs truly are and to accommodate them to the best of your ability.

Too often we’ll enter into a relationship because she looked great in a bikini. It’s not until further down the road that we realize that attacked to that great body a human being with needs, wants, quirks, and desires. That’s why it is so important not to enter into a relationship too quickly which is actually my next point.

Patience is a Virtue

A relationship is not something you should rush into; it takes time to develop. Be patient with yourself in getting to know the other person. You also need to be patient with that other person as well. We’ve already talked about the dangers of rushing into a relationship but even within a relationship patience is a must.

As serious Christians on fire for God, our numbers are getting smaller and smaller every year in America. That means we have fewer and fewer partners to choose from if want a woman who’s on fire for God. This means our relationships take more effort to make work than a worldly one due to the smaller dating pool and Godly dating restrictions.

Be Forgiving

Ask almost anyone who’s been married for more than 5 years and they’ll tell you one of the most important things to keeping a marriage intact is the ability to forgive. We all make mistakes, even ourselves. When others hurt you, most of the time it is not intentional. Forgiveness is a gift you not only give to others but a gift you give to yourself. Now that you have that gift, the question becomes what will you do with it?

By the way, forgiveness isn’t just saying you forgive the person but keeping a mental tally of her misdeeds ready for the next fight. When you forgive someone the record is wiped clean. You shouldn’t use it against her again.

Be Kind & Honest

Kindness is the expression of humility that coincides with compassion, especially when it’s to those who are not kind to you. It is sometimes a hard thing to do but very much needed. That being said you still need to be honest. Just holding something inside is not a good thing. It will often boil over and you’ll act out in ways you’ll regret. If you want to maintain a relationship you should be honest with your girlfriend.

You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married

Your relationship is not an applause line. Guys, please understand that relationships are not about being right and seeing who can gain more power over the other. They’re about working together to come up with solutions that are acceptable to both sides. Just remember if you tell your girlfriend ‘my way or the highway’ and she dumps you, your friends may give you proverbial accolades but once the sun sets you’ll still be single.

Also, will those friends be there to take care of you when you’re sick? Will they still be around when you’re old and decrepit? A good woman that has demonstrated a willingness to work with you on difficult issues probably will stick around, While those friends who always advise you to cut and run at the first sign of trouble probably won’t.

Be a Good Listener

Part of fulfilling your partner’s needs is listening to what those needs actually are. I have always thought that “We hear with our ears, but we listen with our hearts.” Listening is crucial in every relationship that we have. This means that we need to be silent and let the other person speak. It also means that we ask good questions in order to present an opportunity to learn about that other person.

Know What You Want

The last but most important thing to being a good boyfriend is to make sure you know what you want in a relationship. Do you really want a relationship or more so just a friend with benefits? If you want a real long term relationship that will lead to marriage do you understand how much work real relationships take? Often times we say that we know what we want but in reality that takes time and maturity to understand what our true needs are.

Related: Best Dating Sites for Christian Guys

Pray For Her

Did you know that guys that pray for their girlfriends and wives are less likely to cheat (source)? Too often we Christians take prayer for granted but prayer is an essential part of our lives. Remember I talked about putting her needs above yours? Some guys interpret that to mean give her money when in fact putting her needs first can be accomplished in part by simply praying for her every night. Ask God to watch over her and protect her. Remember God listens to all of our prayers.

Bonus Tip: Surprise Her

Girls love a guy who can surprise them. In order to prevent your relationship from becoming monotomous and borning spice things up by surprising her every once in a while. An unexpected gift or group trip is a great way to make her happy and satisfied. A thoughtful gift will really show her that you were listening to her and that you really care about her.

In Conclusion

If you want to be a good Christian boyfriend just try your best. There is no recipe to make the perfect boyfriend. If your girl sees you are making a real effort to be the best boyfriend you can be, she will appreciate it and reciprocate.

I like to think that we learn something new every single day. Relationships are about learning and growing together. Once you learn how to grow with your partner you’ll not only be a good boyfriend but a great husband as well. If you want more information read my article on how to know your girlfriend is marriage material.

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Advice for Brothers in Christ

How to FINALLY Get a Good Christian Girlfriend

Many younger Christian men avoid marriage because they are afraid of choosing the wrong woman to be their girlfriends. It’s no surprise given all the images we see of men being cleaned out by the wrong woman. I tell you the truth if you learn how to find a girlfriend God’s way you can’t go wrong.

One of the most important things I stress when speaking to Christian men is the importance of finding a Godly wife and, while not to rush, to marry sooner rather than later. The reason this is important is that: let’s face it brothers; the female form is one of, if not the, most powerful weapons the enemy uses against us in our journey towards God. The Lord created the woman for man and the man for woman in the proper channel–marriage.  The thing is it’s much more complicated than that. Sometimes my good-intentioned fellow teachers and writers put too much emphasis on marriage–inadvertently leading young men to choose the wrong wife or even leave Christ.

Avoiding corporeal sin is just one reason Christian men should seek marriage. Another important reason is that a good wife is critical to helping a man on the right path to God. It is written in Genesis 2:18 “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”. Scientific data bear this out. It is proven that married men live longer, make more money, and are happier than their single counterparts. In order for a Christian man to have a Godly marriage, he must choose a Godly woman who will help him on his journey.

Here’s how to get a Christian girlfriend

  1. Be a guy of honor and integrity yourself 
  2. Show her that you can be a responsible man
  3. Take care of your body
  4. Look for gifts in every woman you meet
  5. Look for consistency in her beliefs 
  6. It’s okay to be vulnerable

What makes a good girl in God’s eyes?

That, of course, begs the question of what are the qualities of a Godly woman? There are the classic qualities that many of us have heard

The most important is that she is serious about her faith. She is a kind woman that wants to support her husband and will stick with him through thick and thin.

Scripture about pursuing a woman

It is written in Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” You see the word ‘find’ is written. I strongly believe as men of God it is our job to pursue and court a woman. The world tells us it’s okay for a woman to pursue a man but I feel that is against God’s plan. Any pursuit of a woman should always begin with prayer. We must pray for His guidance when seeking a life companion.

Christian men are targets for gold diggers

How to Find a Christian Wife

I tell you the truth, Christian men are often the targets of gold diggers, scammers, and others with nefarious intentions. Many gold diggers choose Christian men as their targets because they know that God has commanded us to take care of and honor our wives. An acquaintance of mine from college was a good guy but had a serious problem with lust. His goal was to get married right after he graduated to fulfill his desires.

In his words, he wanted “The hottest bod [he] could find”. He ended up with a girl that was Christian in name only. She regularly went to bars, loved to adorn herself with expensive jewelry & clothing, and even got a breast augmentation. She managed to sink her claws into him and despite pretty much everyone telling him she wasn’t the right girl for him (2 pastors even declined to marry them) he married her anyway. Last I heard a year ago she maxed out all of his credit cards, ran up massive debts, and then filed for divorce.

Related: How to Find a Filipino Wife

How to find a Christian girlfriend according to the Bible

These general guidelines will help those of us who are looking for a Christian girlfriend to become our wives.

Date with the intention to marry

The first step is to separate ourselves from the world’s view of dating. The world’s way is not God’s way. The world tells us to play the field and ‘try it before we buy it’ but that’s not what Christ has taught us. It’s important as Christian men that we date with the intention to marry. That doesn’t mean just take the first woman that’s even marginally compatible and shows interest. It means we should be searching for a woman that can become suitable for a life partner.

Looks matter to you and her

Which leads me to my next point. Some people teach that as Christians we shouldn’t look at outward appearance when selecting a mate. As Christians, if we really want a Godly woman our dating pool is limited. The women that are most likely to draw our eye are usually the ones we shouldn’t be dating.  In my opinion, looks absolutely do matter. There has to be some physical attraction. Plus a woman that can’t control her eating probably lacks discipline in other important areas as well.

A good rule of thumb for Christian men to follow is if you can see yourself being intimate with her with the lights on then she’s pretty enough. A good ratio is 30% looks 70% personality. Not the other way around like many younger men like to think.

I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t point out that we too must work to make ourselves physically appealing to a female as well. Remember, women have eyes too. I’m not saying you need to have abs to get a good girl but if one is overweight working to lose some of it will help you tremendously in your search for a suitable spouse. Not to mention as servants of God Christians are commanded to take care of our bodies. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). If you have weight to lose take this quiz to see if keto or paleo is the best way for you to go.

Look for consistency in her beliefs

Some women will claim to have Jesus in their hearts but their beliefs are inconsistent. If she tells you that she loves the Lord and is serious about her faith yet can’t recite a single Bible verse verbatim that shows lack of sincerity. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible is just two words “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Think about it, would you take someone seriously who said Star Wars was their favorite movie but couldn’t recite a single line from the film?

Related: A REAL Christian Cafe vs Christian Mingle Comparison

Show it, don’t just tell it

We all know women are attracted to status and resources so a lot of guys think in order to get a good girlfriend that he has to act like he has a lot of money or more status than he does.  The types of girls that are fooled by that act aren’t the girls you want to date. *GOLD DIGGERS*!

Most women are just fine with a guy that has a stable job and can support himself or is working towards those things.  That’s why women want to know what your job is and how long you’ve been working there. Trust me, if one month you’re working at McDonald’s and the next month you’re working at Taco Bell, and the month after that you’re working at Arby’s that’s a major turn off for most women. Even if you are still at an entry-level position if you’ve been there awhile a woman can sense that sort of stability.

Be kind to every woman you meet

A lot of times we guys will try to be super nice to a girl that you’re interested in and trying to impress. I would challenge you to be a gentleman to every woman you meet, from the old librarian to the overweight security guard at the concert.  You never know who is watching you and women have an uncanny ability to watch us even though we don’t think they are looking. By being kind to people that you’re not interested in it will make you look better to the girl that you really want to date.

We must be Godly men

Men of God must behave in a manner that bequeaths the teachings of Jesus. If you truly want to be a Godly man there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push her to sin with her body, respect her, and honor her etc. While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).

Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young lady. She’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with her. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there and you’re seeing her getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job as a man to put the breaks on. Yes, it will hurt her temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt her a lot more if she finds out that you just settled for her. If you’re not feeling it with her despite the fact that she looks good on paper that means God is trying to tell you she’s simply not the right woman for you.

The core of a Christ-like man and husband is to be a leader of his household and stand with honor & integrity. Christian women want a man that shows strength and not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ. To stay despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.

Further Reading: Top 5 Sites to Find a Christian Wife

We must look in the right places

In order to choose a wife God’s way then we must look in the right places. If we meet a girl at a bar she’s obviously less likely to have the values that God wants us to look for. Church or another distinctive Godly environment is the best choice but there are other options such as Christian dating sites. I met my wife on eHarmony. Read my story of how I met my life partner. eharmony one of the largest Christian datings site in the world. They let you see your matches for free. Christian Cafe is another great option as they work to actually keep the site as Christian as possible–not to mention it’s Christian owned. If you are adventurous and want to look abroad try Christian Filipina. Many mature Christian men look to the Philippines as the women are traditional and have a more forgiving attitude towards age than western women.

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Dating Site Reviews

Best Christian Dating Sites for Women

When evaluating Christian dating sites for women one of the most important priorities to look at is security. These sites have all taken measures to keep their users as safe as possible.

#1 eHarmony

Founded in 2000, eHarmony is a veteran name in the online dating world. Dr. Neil Clark, eHarmony’s CEO and founder and former clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, created eHarmony on the belief that compatibility was the key to more fulfilling relationships. Three years of research went into his discovery of the characteristics that could predict compatibility, which became known as the 29 Dimensions of Compatibility.

eHarmony brings singles closer to finding the one by using these characteristics to narrow down the world of dating details to a personalized list of meaningful introductions. As the site has grown, the model has also been continuously updated to stay relevant to new members.

So How Does The eHarmony Methodology Work?

  1. First, after you sign up, you answer basic questions about yourself so they can start narrowing down the pool of people who match your criteria.
  2. Second, you will be asked to complete compatibility-questions to further narrow down your connections based on key areas of personality.
  3. Then, you review the profiles of everyone the site has selected for you.
  4. Lastly, you get to pick a membership plan that works for you and are free to start communication at your own pace.

The registration questionnaire might seem extensive and lengthy. However, with more than ten years of working proof and the constant need to refine details as new members join the site, you can be certain that eHarmony has a more than a decent understanding of what can make a lasting relationship.

The profile and communication styles on eHarmony are incredibly personalized. Members only get to see their potentially good matches. In a way, this seems to narrow the user’s chances or even limit them, but in reality, this highlights eHarmony as a dating site that emphasizes quality over quantity.

It might not churn out immediate matches, but it does teach members how to build lasting relationships. Also, users have the ability to review more information about another user before engaging in communication, and profiles are designed like personal web pages, making them visually pleasing and reflective of a member’s personality.

While eHarmony is not an exclusively Christian website, it is a mainstream website that caters to millions of people of all ages, ethnicities, nationalities and religious and political beliefs. Thus, it is possible to narrow down your options to those with a Christian background. Additionally, eHarmony is available in the U.S., Canada, Australia and the United Kingdom, Spain, Switzerland, Sweden, Poland, the Netherlands, Italy, and Germany.

eHarmony is one of the big names in online dating, and it is very clear why that is. Rigorous scientific research makes this one of the finest compatibility sites that sticks to the heart of a person’s personality and allow members to form deeper connections with one another. Their questionnaire and additional security features help to ensure the safety of their users.

#2 Christian Mingle

 

Christian Mingle is the world’s largest Christian Dating site boasting over 16 million members worldwide. One thing I really like about this site is how easy it is to set-up a profile. With one click you can import your Facebook data, answer four questions, and your bam you’re ready to go. No credit card required to view your matches.  Their pricing varies depending upon the plan you choose.

Our next dating site is Christian Mingle. Launched in 2001, Christian Mingle is a leading Christian dating site geared towards helping Christian men and women find a God-centered relationship that is built on shared faith and values. With more robust profiles, personalization, and communication features, Christian Mingle emphasizes what is meaningful to you and uses it to find meaningful matches.

Signing-up is very simple and straightforward. You can quickly sign up using Facebook or email. All new members fill up a form with basic personal information along with six pictures. Afterward, unlike eHarmony and many other dating websites, there are no personality quizzes to take. Christian Mingle prides itself on not getting bogged down in the details. Instead, they ask concise questions based on commitment, religious beliefs, and family. They want to get to the core of your personality by asking questions relevant to your faith.

The communication features are just as straightforward and simple to use. With a membership, you receive daily suggested matches. You also have the option to do a more independent search, to filter your searches, and to browse other members profiles. You can also send and receive messages unless you are a free user. The ability to personalize your communication levels allows members to make deeper connections.

As Christian Mingle boasts 16 million members, it ensures every member of the site is verified and legitimate. On most occasions, fake profiles are deleted in a few minutes. Christian Mingle also maintains a strong presence in the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, and the United States.

However, the platform is expanding into Europe, specifically France, Germany, Spain, Russia, and Poland. Though no matter how wide the range of members will go, Christian Mingle continues to have its utilitarian and straight-to-the-point mindset, making sure to match people at core similarities that will lay the foundation for a strong relationship.

Here are the membership fees for Christian Mingle:

  1. Monthly: $29.99
  2. months: $50.97
  3. Six months: $83.94

Visit Site

Related: eHarmony vs Christian Mingle

#3 Christian Cafe

Moving on, Christian Cafe has been around the dating game as long as eHarmony, if not longer. This Christian-based dating site has been connecting Christian singles of all ages from all around the glove since 1999. It is a proudly Christian owned and operated business that not only offers dating opportunities but also offers fellowship and the chance to seek support and advice from other members.

Christian Cafe is a great niche dating site because it strives to be a true Christian Community. True, it prioritizes Christian singles and relationships, but there are also prayer and discussion forums to allow members to talk about more than just Christian dating. Moreover, they do cater to other denominations of Christianity as well.

This particular Christian dating site is not free to use. It has a 7-day free trial where you can create a profile and instantly connect with thousands of other Christian singles. You can email other members, send winks, converse via instant messaging, and read and post to discussion forums for free. However, you are not free to exchange personal information.

If you do happen to continue the membership with Christian Cafe, the site, as any other paid dating site does, will match you off with others that you are compatible with based on your profile information. However, there is also a more independent option with multiple search and discovery options as well as advanced search options and user forums where you can input whatever specific information you are looking for.

Overall, this dating platform is cleanly designed and straightforward. While the site has an overall commitment to Christian values, its average of 196,000 visitors a month, its variety of members and matches worldwide, and its multiple ways to personalize your search makes the world of Christian singles seem not so big and out of your contr.

Here are the Christian Cafe Membership prices:

  1. 6 months: $109.97 (61 cents a day)
  2. 3 months: $69.97 (77 Cents a day)
  3. 1 month: $44.97 (1.50 a day)
  4. 2 weeks $34.97 (2.50 a day)

Remember, the longer the membership plan, the cheaper you pay per day. Check current prices.

As far as anyone can see, there is still no clear-cut path to dating let alone dating as a single Christian. Courtship practices continue to change every day and it is fortunate that there are quite a few websites out there that will not jeopardize any of your values for dating. If online dating still feels like a shot in the dark, especially if you are seeking like-minded Christians, just remember this:

  1. Find the sites with good membership deals. Many of them will decrease in daily payment the longer you commit to a membership.
  2. When in doubt, go with the largest communities or active members. In this way, your pool of options is bigger.
  3. Determine if you want the site to do all the work for you to find matches or if you want to do the search yourself. Some sites will let you do either or both.
  4. Make sure the site you are using has many security measures to protect your personal information and identity.
  5. Check if there is an app for it.

The chance to make deeper connections has been completely stamped out by a world in need of instant satisfaction. With a little bit of work and commitment, dating and love could be far less complicated. So, if you find yourself ready to dive into the world of dating, please consider any of the ones listed in our Best International Christian Dating Site Review.

Related: Christian Cafe vs Christian Mingle – A Real Comparison

 

Categories
Advice for Sisters in Christ

8 Practical Tips to Get Christian Guys to Like You (Written By a Guy)

A lot of good Christian women like you are frustrated because they can’t get a serious partner. That’s why you hear them saying things like, “all men are liars and cheaters” or “There aren’t any good guys out there”.  That’s why I am writing this article to help you get a guy of good moral character to be your loving husband.

How to Get a Christian Guy to Like You

  • Say Yes
  • Consider alternatives to Tinder and Bumble
  • Try to be interesting
  • Participate in discussion groups
  • Don’t be desperate
  • Stay positive
  • Confidence is key
  • Check your expectations

Say Yes

If a guy asks you on a date, say yes unless you feel unsafe. Sometimes God sends us the best gifts wrapped in plain-looking paper. Closing the door to someone because he isn’t necessarily your type could be blocking your blessing.

Even if he doesn’t turn out to be your next husband going on more dates will help you to better communicate with and understand men better. It could also show you areas of opportunity for your own growth. By saying yes and going on more dates you’ll be better prepared for when you go on a date with that guy you really have a crush on.

Consider Alternatives to Tinder

If you’re looking for a serious Christian partner then apps like Tinder and Bumble are probably the worst places to look. Most guys on those apps are looking to get laid more than a girl to take home to mom.

Moreover, those apps teach users to devalue each other and make quick harsh judgments on potential partners. A single photograph and a small blurb are not enough to assess someone’s character for dating. Plus it can leave users feeling demoralized and hopeless. I have an article on best Christian dating sites if you want a serious partner.

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

1 Corinthians 15:33

Try to Be Interesting, Not Sexual

Far too often I see women just posting pictures that are too revealing and hoping to attract a good guy. BORING! Will a picture in your bra attract a guy? Sure.  But if you want to attract a good Christan guy you need to show something that is unique and interesting about you. Almost every woman out there loves good food, traveling, and some sort of animal. Try to think of something special about you that you can put on your dating profile.

Just a friendly tip, most guys who plaster their profiles with semi-nude photos of themselves  are just looking for attention, sex, or money, not love

Whether we like it or not physical desire will always be part of a guy’s reasons for seeking a partner. A woman who is modest and shows that she is worth the wait will attract the right guys and repel the wrong ones.

Participate in Discussion Groups

Participate in discussion groups on Facebook. Guys want a girl who can carry on a decent conversation. Nobody wants a relationship that consists of ‘hi, have you eaten yet?’ and ‘so…what are you doing now’. So lame…

By participating in discussions you’re showing that you have the capacity to engage in real and interesting conversation. Participating in discussion groups will teach you how to communicate with men more effectively so you’ll be ready when you go into messenger chats.

A Zero is Better Than a Negative

Desperation is never attractive and guys are just naturally more attracted to women that don’t need them. That’s why you notice whenever you’re in a relationship guys start coming out of the woodwork declaring that they like you. If you send a guy messages begging for a relationship or just coming off as thirsty he won’t respect you, at best, and, at worse, he may take advantage of you. When it comes to relationships always remember a zero is better than a negative.

Yes, it’s okay to say you are looking for a long term relationship (LTR), in fact, I encourage it, but you should also add ‘with the right guy for me’. So instead of saying “I’m looking for an LTR”, when he asks what you are looking for you can say, “I’m looking for an LTR with the right person who loves God.”

Positivity is What You Need!

Be positive! Please don’t spend your conversations complaining about how your ex treated you or how everyone you’ve talked to asks you for money or inappropriate photos. Trust me, nobody wants to hear that and you’ll just come off as some bitter, desperate woman.

Most of the time the only guys that will stick around after listening to you drone on about your ex will be the guys who just want something from you. When you are talking to a guy try to stay positive, he’s not your therapist. Remember, the purpose of the first few conversations is to find things that you have in common and to find out if he shares your values and objectives in life. Read my article on how long Christians Should Date Before Marriage. 

Confidence is Key!

Be confident. Most guys are attracted to women who are confident and can hold their own.  Very few men these days want a needy woman who can’t provide for herself. Even if you don’t have the flattest tummy or the prettiest face, you can still be attractive in his eyes if you are confident about yourself.

Oh, and it’s a huge turn off when you complain about your physical features fishing for compliments. The best way to be confident is to focus on your strengths instead of your perceived shortcomings. If you’re intelligent and a hard working woman, focus on that instead of your physical attributes. You can also go to niche sites and apps that fit you. I highly recommend Christian women try out eHarmony, they do a lot to weed out creeps and it’s an oasis in the desert of mainstream dating culture.

Related: Best Christian Dating Sites for Women

Check Your Expectations

We all want the best partner we can get and there’s nothing wrong with that, but, it’s important that we keep our expectations in line with what we have to offer. I see far too many women who are simply way too picky and are frustrated because they’re still single. Clearly, I’m not suggesting you go out with a guy who makes you grimace when you look at him or a loser that doesn’t have a job or any means of supporting himself. I am suggesting you take a long quiet time to reflect on what you are expecting your future partner to be and what you have to offer in exchange. Only you can decide what you’re willing to be flexible on and what you must have.

In Summary

Finding a guy isn’t rocket science. Too many women make getting a date far more complicated than it has to be. If you are single and don’t want to be then you should just put yourself out there and meet people. Every dud will get you one step closer to that date that may turn into your next husband.

Categories
Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

How Long Should a Christian Date Before Marriage?

I still remember it like it was yesterday. There was this girl I had been dating for 4 months and I was crazy about her. Her faith seemed strong, she was kind-hearted, and she cooked great food! I wanted to ask her to marry me but part of me knew it was too soon. However, I found articles and youtube videos that told me what I wanted to hear that there was no time limit to marry someone. I bought a ring and asked her to marry me and she accepted, reluctantly. Still, I was the happiest guy in the world that day! Then the next day I discovered she was still flirting with her ex. She even entitled the conversation “My Lover”. It was the first time in my life I could literally feel my heart fall to the floor.

How Long Should a Christian Date Before Marriage?

Typically a Christian should date 1-2 years prior to getting married. The data show that this is the sweet spot to ensure the longevity of a marriage. Getting married before a year indicates a certain level of impulsivity and those who are impulsive are less likely to think things through. Dating too long can also be problematic because most people know after one year if the person they are dating is the right one. Usually after two years if a couple won’t get married it’s because there are some serious compunctions but the couple often bows to social pressures to tie the knot.

The Bible doesn’t actually talk about dating which is why the question of ‘how long should a Christian date before marriage?’ is something that is hotly debated. Some people say 1-year, others say 2 years, while some even say 4-6 months.  So what’s the right answer?

The Data on Marriage Longevity

Couples were more likely to stay together if:

  1. The man said his partner’s looks weren’t that important
  2. The woman said her partner’s wealth wasn’t important
  3. They went to church together (46% less likely)
  4. They didn’t spend a lot of money on the wedding

A Penn State University study concluded that couples that dated an average of 25 months were the happiest 14 years later. Another study at Emory University concluded that couples that attended religious services together on a regular basis were the 46% less likely to get divorced.

The same study concluded the cheaper the wedding the better the marriage as couples that had a wedding that cost less than US$1000 were far more likely to stay together than those with uber expensive weddings. Not surprisingly superficial marriages don’t last either. Couples, where the woman said the husband’s wealth was important, were a whopping 60% more likely to end in divorce. Marriages, where the man said to woman’s looks were important had a 50% likelihood of failure.

What Makes a Marriage Last?

Marriages tended to last longer if:

  • The couple are also best friends
  • They shared the same religious principles
  • They remained intimate with one another

When your spouse is your best friend that means that you can talk to them about nearly anything without a filter. You guys get each other and can communicate on a level deeper than just verbally.  When you have that level of a bond that means you know how to resolve a conflict in a way that’s acceptable to both parties. A study from the University of Vancouver confirms this.

Couples that pray together, stay together. That old adage had some truth to it. Couples that attend religious services together on a regular basis had high longevity together versus those that did not. This makes sense because one of the most important factors for the longevity of any relationship, not just romantic, is if the parties shared the same values. Attending religious services together is an indication that you both share the same core values.

Praying also reduces cheating. A study entitled “Faith and Unfaithfulness: Can Praying for Your Partner Reduce Infidelity?” discovered that praying for a partner actually reduced the likelihood of infidelity.[x]  In fact, praying for one’s partner was a stronger indicator of lower rates of infidelity than initial satisfaction with the relationship as a whole.

A couple that enjoys each other in the bedroom is more likely to be happy. Sexual conflict can lead to infidelity which is one of the leading causes of divorce. It’s really important that both of you guys are sexually satisfied with each other. Furthermore, if one partner is not that she feels free enough to express her dissatisfaction in a loving helpful way.

The Dangers of Dating Too Long

The Bible doesn’t talk about dating and there’s a reason for that. God wants us to be single or be married. Dating is meant to be a temporary transition between those two realities, not something permanent. Couples that date for years and years are not as happy as married couples and couples that date more than 4 years before marriage are far more likely to split.

If you think about it this makes sense. After a year or so most people know whether or not they want to marry the person they’re with or not. After a certain amount of time, the relationship more so becomes a relationship of convenience more than anything. The couple just stays together because its easier than starting all over again.

As Christians, we should remember that our goal in dating is marriage. That’s in stark contrast to the worldly view of dating. If we intend to maintain God’s commandments then dating too long is a big danger to committing sin. You even see some long term daters acting as though they are married when they are not. In those cases from what I’ve seen it is usually the guy who won’t put a ring on it.

Beware of dating too long.

Watch my video on signs God wants you to marry the person you’re dating

Further Reading:

How to Find a Christian Wife

How to Find a Christian Husband

Signs She is Marriage Material

Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ

How to Find a Christian Wife – For Real

Many younger Christian men avoid marriage because they are afraid of choosing the wrong woman to be their spouse. It’s no surprise given all the images we see of men being cleaned out by the wrong woman. I tell you the truth if you learn how to find a wife God’s way you can’t go wrong.

How to Find a Christian Wife

In order to find a Christian wife according to the Bible, a Christian man must demonstrate the characteristics of a Godly man in both his heart and in his conduct. 

What are the characteristics of a Godly man?

A Godly man isn’t afraid to step up and lead or initiate. Scripture tells us in 2 Samuel 10:7,12 ”Be strong, and let us show ourselves courageous for the sake of our people and for the cities of our God; and may the LORD do what is good in His sight.” – 2 Samuel 10:7,12

A Godly man fears only God and speaks the truth in love.

Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. – Proverbs 27:5-6

Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy. – Proverbs 31:8-9

But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence. – 1 Peter 3:15

A Godly man is humble. 

Let the righteous smite me in kindness and reprove me; it is oil upon the head; do not let my head refuse it, for still my prayer is against their wicked deeds. – Psalm 141:5

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:5-7

A Godly man lives to serve the Lord above all else. 

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” – Matthew 6:33

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. – Mark 10:45

A Christian Man Should be The Pursuer

One of the most important things I stress when speaking to Christian men is the importance of finding a Godly wife and, while not to rush, to marry sooner rather than later. The reason this is important is that: let’s face it brothers; the female form is one of, if not the, most powerful weapons the enemy uses against us in our journey towards God. The Lord created the woman for man and the man for woman in the proper channel–marriage.  The thing is it’s much more complicated than that. Sometimes my good intentioned fellow teachers and writers put too much emphasis on marriage–inadvertently leading young men to choose the wrong wife or even leave Christ.

Avoiding corporeal sin is just one reason Christian men should seek marriage. Another important reason is that a good wife is critical to helping a man on the right path to God. It is written in Genesis 2:18 “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”. Scientific data bear this out. It is proven that married men live longer, make more money, and are happier than their single counterparts. In order for a Christian man to have a Godly marriage, he must choose a Godly woman who will help him on his journey.

What makes a Godly woman?

That, of course, begs the question of what are the qualities of a Godly woman? There are the classic qualities that many of us have heard

The most important is that she is serious about her faith. She is a kind woman that wants to support her husband and will stick with him through thick and thin.

Scripture about pursuing a woman

It is written in Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” You see the word ‘find’ is written. I strongly believe as men of God it is our job to pursue and court a woman. The world tells us it’s okay for a woman to pursue a man but I feel that is against God’s plan. Any pursuit of a woman should always begin with prayer. We must pray for His guidance when seeking a life companion.

Christian men are targets for gold diggers

How to Find a Christian Wife

I tell you the truth, Christian men are often the targets of gold diggers, scammers, and others with nefarious intentions. Many gold diggers choose Christian men as their targets because they know that God has commanded us to take care of and honor our wives. An acquaintance of mine from college was a good guy but had a serious problem with lust. His goal was to get married right after he graduated to fulfill his desires.

In his words, he wanted “The hottest bod [he] could find”. He ended up with a girl that was Christian in name only. She regularly went to bars, loved to adorn herself with expensive jewelry & clothing, and even got a breast augmentation. She managed to sink her claws into him and despite pretty much everyone telling him she wasn’t the right girl for him (2 pastors even declined to marry them) he married her anyway. Last I heard a year ago she maxed out all of his credit cards, ran up massive debts, and then filed for divorce.

Related: How to Find a Filipino Wife

Christian Filipina Asian Ladies Dating 336x280 rectangle

Will I Ever Find a Christian Wife?

Absolutely yes! If you are seriously seeking a woman of faith and are following these principles you most definitely should find a Christian wife! These general guidelines will help those of us who are looking for a Christian girlfriend to become our wives.

Date with the intention to marry

The first step is to separate ourselves from the world’s view of dating. The world’s way is not God’s way. The world tells us to play the field and ‘try it before we buy it’ but that’s not what Christ has taught us. It’s important as Christian men that we date with the intention to marry. That doesn’t mean just take the first woman that’s even marginally compatible and shows interest. It means we should be searching for a woman that can become suitable for a life partner.

Looks matter to you and her

Which leads me to my next point. Some people teach that as Christians we shouldn’t look at outward appearance when selecting a mate. As Christians, if we really want a Godly woman our dating pool is limited. The women that are most likely to draw our eye are usually the ones we shouldn’t be dating.  In my opinion, looks absolutely do matter. There has to be some physical attraction. Plus a woman that can’t control her eating probably lacks discipline in other important areas as well.

A good rule of thumb for Christian men to follow is if you can see yourself being intimate with her with the lights on then she’s pretty enough. A good ratio is 30% looks 70% personality. Not the other way around like many younger men like to think.

I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t point out that we too must work to make ourselves physically appealing to a female as well. Remember, women have eyes too. I’m not saying you need to have abs to get a good girl but if one is overweight working to lose some of it will help you tremendously in your search for a suitable spouse. Not to mention as servants of God Christians are commanded to take care of our bodies. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). If you have weight to lose try the 1 Week Diet. It’s the fastest weight loss plan I’ve seen!

Look for consistency in her beliefs

Some women will claim to have Jesus in their hearts but their beliefs are inconsistent. If she tells you that she loves the Lord and is serious about her faith yet can’t recite a single Bible verse verbatim that shows lack of sincerity. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible is just two words “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Think about it, would you take someone seriously who said Star Wars was their favorite movie but couldn’t recite a single line from the film?

Related: A REAL Christian Cafe vs Christian Mingle Comparison

We must be Godly men

Men of God must behave in a manner that bequeaths the teachings of Jesus. If you truly want to be a Godly man there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push her to sin with her body, respect her, and honor her, etc. While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).

Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young lady. She’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with her. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there and you’re seeing her getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job as a man to put the breaks on. Yes, it will hurt her temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt her a lot more if she finds out that you just settled for her. If you’re not feeling it with her despite the fact that she looks good on paper that means God is trying to tell you she’s simply not the right woman for you.

The core of a Christ-like man and husband is to be a leader of his household and stand with honor & integrity. Christian women want a man that shows strength, not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.

We must look in the right places

In order to choose a wife God’s way then we must look in the right places. If we meet a girl at a bar she’s obviously less likely to have the values that God wants us to look for. Church or another distinctive Godly environment is the best choice but there are other options such as Christian dating sites. I met my wife on eHarmony. Read my story of how I met my life partner. eharmony one of the largest Christian datings site in the world. They let you see your matches for free. Check to see if they still do that. Christian Cafe is another great option as they work to actually keep the site as Christian as possible–not to mention it’s Christian owned. If you are adventurous and want to look abroad try Christian Filipina. Many mature Christian men look to the Philippines as the women are traditional and have a more forgiving attitude towards age than western women.

Further Reading: Top 5 Sites to Find a Christian Wife