Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ

How to Be a Good Christian Boyfriend

Are you new to Christian dating? Or maybe if you have a lot of experience in Christian dating and are finally ready to settle down? Either way, many guys want to know how to be a good boyfriend.

So many of the Christian advice blogs out there focus on getting a girlfriend but very few talk about how to keep a woman. Very rarely do relationships end due solely to the actions of one person, and Christian relationships are no different. Relationships fail for all sorts of reasons but it’s almost never pleasant.

How to Be A Good Christian Boyfriend

If you want to get and keep your girl here’s how to be a good Christian boyfriend.

  •  Give her a chance
  •  Understand the difference between being loved and loving someone
  •  Be patient
  •  Be forgiving 
  •  Honesty is the best policy
  •  Know what you want
  •  Be a good listener
  •  Pray for her

Godly Relationship Advice

Before we get into how to be a good Christian boyfriend let me say that the Bible doesn’t mention dating, not even once. I believe that is because dating is meant to be merely a transition between our season of singleness to our season of marriage. As Christians, the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry. So by being a good Christian boyfriend, you will show her that you can be a good Christian Husband.

Why can’t we just play the field and settle down when we find someone we like?

Many brothers in Christ ask this question and it’s understandable but let us first be honest about the roots of this question. Do you seriously expect to date multiple women for years and even decades but never have sex? Or is that the point? The worldly male desire to spread his seed among many females. Collect & select or ‘dating around’ is what those who have succumbed to their bodily desires do. Now that’s not to say that you should just settle down for the first girl you meet but truthfully speaking if you date with the intention to marry you will naturally select the right woman for you sooner rather than later.

When I was single I dated women for their bodies and justified it in my mind as ‘making sure I got the right one’. The truth is I had no intention of settling down for most of the girls I was dating.  Once I accepted Christ back into my life I immediately stopped seeing women as objects and started meeting women who were serious about their faiths.

Give Her A Chance

Sometimes God sends us gifts wrapped in plain paper. Maybe a girl who messages you isn’t what trips your trigger necessarily, but that doesn’t mean she couldn’t be a great girlfriend or wife.

The reason this will help you to be a good boyfriend is that once you learn that a relationship isn’t like Burger King, you can’t always have it your way, then you’ll be better at conflict resolution. Almost all relationships will have conflicts at some point. If you want yours to last then you need to have good conflict resolution skills.

Understand The Difference Between Love and Being Loved

The reason many relationships fail is because a lot of us don’t understand what it means to be a long term relationship and/or marriage. You see, most of us enter into a relationship because we want to be loved but few us understand what it means to actually love someone else. Loving someone else means that you put their needs above yours.  This means before entering into a relationship you should try to assess what her needs truly are and to accommodate them to the best of your ability.

Too often we’ll enter into a relationship because she looked great in a bikini. It’s not until further down the road that we realize that attacked to that great body a human being with needs, wants, quirks, and desires. That’s why it is so important not to enter into a relationship too quickly which is actually my next point.

Patience is a Virtue

A relationship is not something you should rush into; it takes time to develop. Be patient with yourself in getting to know the other person. You also need to be patient with that other person as well. We’ve already talked about the dangers of rushing into a relationship but even within a relationship patience is a must.

As serious Christians on fire for God, our numbers are getting smaller and smaller every year in America. That means we have fewer and fewer partners to choose from if want a woman who’s on fire for God. This means our relationships take more effort to make work than a worldly one due to the smaller dating pool and Godly dating restrictions.

Be Forgiving

Ask almost anyone who’s been married for more than 5 years and they’ll tell you one of the most important things to keeping a marriage intact is the ability to forgive. We all make mistakes, even ourselves. When others hurt you, most of the time it is not intentional. Forgiveness is a gift you not only give to others but a gift you give to yourself. Now that you have that gift, the question becomes what will you do with it?

By the way, forgiveness isn’t just saying you forgive the person but keeping a mental tally of her misdeeds ready for the next fight. When you forgive someone the record is wiped clean. You shouldn’t use it against her again.

Be Kind & Honest

Kindness is the expression of humility that coincides with compassion, especially when it’s to those who are not kind to you. It is sometimes a hard thing to do but very much needed. That being said you still need to be honest. Just holding something inside is not a good thing. It will often boil over and you’ll act out in ways you’ll regret. If you want to maintain a relationship you should be honest with your girlfriend.

You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married

Your relationship is not an applause line. Guys, please understand that relationships are not about being right and seeing who can gain more power over the other. They’re about working together to come up with solutions that are acceptable to both sides. Just remember if you tell your girlfriend ‘my way or the highway’ and she dumps you, your friends may give you proverbial accolades but once the sun sets you’ll still be single.

Also, will those friends be there to take care of you when you’re sick? Will they still be around when you’re old and decrepit? A good woman that has demonstrated a willingness to work with you on difficult issues probably will stick around, While those friends who always advise you to cut and run at the first sign of trouble probably won’t.

Be a Good Listener

Part of fulfilling your partner’s needs is listening to what those needs actually are. I have always thought that “We hear with our ears, but we listen with our hearts.” Listening is crucial in every relationship that we have. This means that we need to be silent and let the other person speak. It also means that we ask good questions in order to present an opportunity to learn about that other person.

Know What You Want

The last but most important thing to being a good boyfriend is to make sure you know what you want in a relationship. Do you really want a relationship or more so just a friend with benefits? If you want a real long term relationship that will lead to marriage do you understand how much work real relationships take? Often times we say that we know what we want but in reality that takes time and maturity to understand what our true needs are.

Related: Best Dating Sites for Christian Guys

Pray For Her

Did you know that guys that pray for their girlfriends and wives are less likely to cheat (source)? Too often we Christians take prayer for granted but prayer is an essential part of our lives. Remember I talked about putting her needs above yours? Some guys interpret that to mean give her money when in fact putting her needs first can be accomplished in part by simply praying for her every night. Ask God to watch over her and protect her. Remember God listens to all of our prayers.

Bonus Tip: Surprise Her

Girls love a guy who can surprise them. In order to prevent your relationship from becoming monotomous and borning spice things up by surprising her every once in a while. An unexpected gift or group trip is a great way to make her happy and satisfied. A thoughtful gift will really show her that you were listening to her and that you really care about her.

In Conclusion

If you want to be a good Christian boyfriend just try your best. There is no recipe to make the perfect boyfriend. If your girl sees you are making a real effort to be the best boyfriend you can be, she will appreciate it and reciprocate.

I like to think that we learn something new every single day. Relationships are about learning and growing together. Once you learn how to grow with your partner you’ll not only be a good boyfriend but a great husband as well. If you want more information read my article on how to know your girlfriend is marriage material.

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Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ

How to FINALLY Get a Good Christian Girlfriend

Many younger Christian men avoid marriage because they are afraid of choosing the wrong woman to be their girlfriends. It’s no surprise given all the images we see of men being cleaned out by the wrong woman. I tell you the truth if you learn how to find a girlfriend God’s way you can’t go wrong.

One of the most important things I stress when speaking to Christian men is the importance of finding a Godly wife and, while not to rush, to marry sooner rather than later. The reason this is important is that: let’s face it brothers; the female form is one of, if not the, most powerful weapons the enemy uses against us in our journey towards God. The Lord created the woman for man and the man for woman in the proper channel–marriage.  The thing is it’s much more complicated than that. Sometimes my good-intentioned fellow teachers and writers put too much emphasis on marriage–inadvertently leading young men to choose the wrong wife or even leave Christ.

Avoiding corporeal sin is just one reason Christian men should seek marriage. Another important reason is that a good wife is critical to helping a man on the right path to God. It is written in Genesis 2:18The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”. Scientific data bear this out. It is proven that married men live longer, make more money, and are happier than their single counterparts. In order for a Christian man to have a Godly marriage, he must choose a Godly woman who will help him on his journey.

Here’s how to get a Christian girlfriend

  1. Be a guy of honor and integrity yourself 
  2. Show her that you can be a responsible man
  3. Take care of your body
  4. Look for gifts in every woman you meet
  5. Look for consistency in her beliefs 
  6. It’s okay to be vulnerable

What makes a good girl in God’s eyes?

That, of course, begs the question of what are the qualities of a Godly woman? There are the classic qualities that many of us have heard

The most important is that she is serious about her faith. She is a kind woman that wants to support her husband and will stick with him through thick and thin.

Scripture about pursuing a woman

It is written in Proverbs 18:22He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” You see the word ‘find’ is written. I strongly believe as men of God it is our job to pursue and court a woman. The world tells us it’s okay for a woman to pursue a man but I feel that is against God’s plan. Any pursuit of a woman should always begin with prayer. We must pray for His guidance when seeking a life companion.

Christian men are targets for gold diggers

How to Find a Christian Wife

I tell you the truth, Christian men are often the targets of gold diggers, scammers, and others with nefarious intentions. Many gold diggers choose Christian men as their targets because they know that God has commanded us to take care of and honor our wives. An acquaintance of mine from college was a good guy but had a serious problem with lust. His goal was to get married right after he graduated to fulfill his desires.

In his words, he wanted “The hottest bod [he] could find”. He ended up with a girl that was Christian in name only. She regularly went to bars, loved to adorn herself with expensive jewelry & clothing, and even got a breast augmentation. She managed to sink her claws into him and despite pretty much everyone telling him she wasn’t the right girl for him (2 pastors even declined to marry them) he married her anyway. Last I heard a year ago she maxed out all of his credit cards, ran up massive debts, and then filed for divorce.

Related: How to Find a Filipino Wife

How to find a Christian girlfriend according to the Bible

These general guidelines will help those of us who are looking for a Christian girlfriend to become our wives.

Date with the intention to marry

The first step is to separate ourselves from the world’s view of dating. The world’s way is not God’s way. The world tells us to play the field and ‘try it before we buy it’ but that’s not what Christ has taught us. It’s important as Christian men that we date with the intention to marry. That doesn’t mean just take the first woman that’s even marginally compatible and shows interest. It means we should be searching for a woman that can become suitable for a life partner.

Looks matter to you and her

Which leads me to my next point. Some people teach that as Christians we shouldn’t look at outward appearance when selecting a mate. As Christians, if we really want a Godly woman our dating pool is limited. The women that are most likely to draw our eye are usually the ones we shouldn’t be dating.  In my opinion, looks absolutely do matter. There has to be some physical attraction. Plus a woman that can’t control her eating probably lacks discipline in other important areas as well.

A good rule of thumb for Christian men to follow is if you can see yourself being intimate with her with the lights on then she’s pretty enough. A good ratio is 30% looks 70% personality. Not the other way around like many younger men like to think.

I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t point out that we too must work to make ourselves physically appealing to a female as well. Remember, women have eyes too. I’m not saying you need to have abs to get a good girl but if one is overweight working to lose some of it will help you tremendously in your search for a suitable spouse. Not to mention as servants of God Christians are commanded to take care of our bodies. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). If you have weight to lose take this quiz to see if keto or paleo is the best way for you to go.

Look for consistency in her beliefs

Some women will claim to have Jesus in their hearts but their beliefs are inconsistent. If she tells you that she loves the Lord and is serious about her faith yet can’t recite a single Bible verse verbatim that shows lack of sincerity. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible is just two words “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Think about it, would you take someone seriously who said Star Wars was their favorite movie but couldn’t recite a single line from the film?

Related: A REAL Christian Cafe vs Christian Mingle Comparison

Show it, don’t just tell it

We all know women are attracted to status and resources so a lot of guys think in order to get a good girlfriend that he has to act like he has a lot of money or more status than he does.  The types of girls that are fooled by that act aren’t the girls you want to date. *GOLD DIGGERS*!

Most women are just fine with a guy that has a stable job and can support himself or is working towards those things.  That’s why women want to know what your job is and how long you’ve been working there. Trust me, if one month you’re working at McDonald’s and the next month you’re working at Taco Bell, and the month after that you’re working at Arby’s that’s a major turn off for most women. Even if you are still at an entry-level position if you’ve been there awhile a woman can sense that sort of stability.

Be kind to every woman you meet

A lot of times we guys will try to be super nice to a girl that you’re interested in and trying to impress. I would challenge you to be a gentleman to every woman you meet, from the old librarian to the overweight security guard at the concert.  You never know who is watching you and women have an uncanny ability to watch us even though we don’t think they are looking. By being kind to people that you’re not interested in it will make you look better to the girl that you really want to date.

We must be Godly men

Men of God must behave in a manner that bequeaths the teachings of Jesus. If you truly want to be a Godly man there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push her to sin with her body, respect her, and honor her etc. While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).

Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young lady. She’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with her. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there and you’re seeing her getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job as a man to put the breaks on. Yes, it will hurt her temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt her a lot more if she finds out that you just settled for her. If you’re not feeling it with her despite the fact that she looks good on paper that means God is trying to tell you she’s simply not the right woman for you.

The core of a Christ-like man and husband is to be a leader of his household and stand with honor & integrity. Christian women want a man that shows strength and not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ. To stay despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.

Further Reading: Top 5 Sites to Find a Christian Wife

We must look in the right places

In order to choose a wife God’s way then we must look in the right places. If we meet a girl at a bar she’s obviously less likely to have the values that God wants us to look for. Church or another distinctive Godly environment is the best choice but there are other options such as Christian dating sites. I met my wife on eHarmony. Read my story of how I met my life partner. eharmony one of the largest Christian datings site in the world. They let you see your matches for free. Christian Cafe is another great option as they work to actually keep the site as Christian as possible–not to mention it’s Christian owned. If you are adventurous and want to look abroad try Christian Filipina. Many mature Christian men look to the Philippines as the women are traditional and have a more forgiving attitude towards age than western women.

Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ

How to Find a Christian Wife – For Real

Many younger Christian men avoid marriage because they are afraid of choosing the wrong woman to be their spouse. It’s no surprise given all the images we see of men being cleaned out by the wrong woman. I tell you the truth if you learn how to find a wife God’s way you can’t go wrong.

How to Find a Christian Wife

In order to find a Christian wife according to the Bible, a Christian man must demonstrate the characteristics of a Godly man in both his heart and in his conduct. 

What are the characteristics of a Godly man?

A Godly man isn’t afraid to step up and lead or initiate. Scripture tells us in 2 Samuel 10:7,12 ”Be strong, and let us show ourselves courageous for the sake of our people and for the cities of our God; and may the LORD do what is good in His sight.” – 2 Samuel 10:7,12

A Godly man fears only God and speaks the truth in love.

Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. – Proverbs 27:5-6

Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy. – Proverbs 31:8-9

But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence. – 1 Peter 3:15

A Godly man is humble. 

Let the righteous smite me in kindness and reprove me; it is oil upon the head; do not let my head refuse it, for still my prayer is against their wicked deeds. – Psalm 141:5

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:5-7

A Godly man lives to serve the Lord above all else. 

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” – Matthew 6:33

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. – Mark 10:45

A Christian Man Should be The Pursuer

One of the most important things I stress when speaking to Christian men is the importance of finding a Godly wife and, while not to rush, to marry sooner rather than later. The reason this is important is that: let’s face it brothers; the female form is one of, if not the, most powerful weapons the enemy uses against us in our journey towards God. The Lord created the woman for man and the man for woman in the proper channel–marriage.  The thing is it’s much more complicated than that. Sometimes my good intentioned fellow teachers and writers put too much emphasis on marriage–inadvertently leading young men to choose the wrong wife or even leave Christ.

Avoiding corporeal sin is just one reason Christian men should seek marriage. Another important reason is that a good wife is critical to helping a man on the right path to God. It is written in Genesis 2:18The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”. Scientific data bear this out. It is proven that married men live longer, make more money, and are happier than their single counterparts. In order for a Christian man to have a Godly marriage, he must choose a Godly woman who will help him on his journey.

What makes a Godly woman?

That, of course, begs the question of what are the qualities of a Godly woman? There are the classic qualities that many of us have heard

The most important is that she is serious about her faith. She is a kind woman that wants to support her husband and will stick with him through thick and thin.

Scripture about pursuing a woman

It is written in Proverbs 18:22He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” You see the word ‘find’ is written. I strongly believe as men of God it is our job to pursue and court a woman. The world tells us it’s okay for a woman to pursue a man but I feel that is against God’s plan. Any pursuit of a woman should always begin with prayer. We must pray for His guidance when seeking a life companion.

Christian men are targets for gold diggers

How to Find a Christian Wife

I tell you the truth, Christian men are often the targets of gold diggers, scammers, and others with nefarious intentions. Many gold diggers choose Christian men as their targets because they know that God has commanded us to take care of and honor our wives. An acquaintance of mine from college was a good guy but had a serious problem with lust. His goal was to get married right after he graduated to fulfill his desires.

In his words, he wanted “The hottest bod [he] could find”. He ended up with a girl that was Christian in name only. She regularly went to bars, loved to adorn herself with expensive jewelry & clothing, and even got a breast augmentation. She managed to sink her claws into him and despite pretty much everyone telling him she wasn’t the right girl for him (2 pastors even declined to marry them) he married her anyway. Last I heard a year ago she maxed out all of his credit cards, ran up massive debts, and then filed for divorce.

Related: How to Find a Filipino Wife

Christian Filipina Asian Ladies Dating 336x280 rectangle

Will I Ever Find a Christian Wife?

Absolutely yes! If you are seriously seeking a woman of faith and are following these principles you most definitely should find a Christian wife! These general guidelines will help those of us who are looking for a Christian girlfriend to become our wives.

Date with the intention to marry

The first step is to separate ourselves from the world’s view of dating. The world’s way is not God’s way. The world tells us to play the field and ‘try it before we buy it’ but that’s not what Christ has taught us. It’s important as Christian men that we date with the intention to marry. That doesn’t mean just take the first woman that’s even marginally compatible and shows interest. It means we should be searching for a woman that can become suitable for a life partner.

Looks matter to you and her

Which leads me to my next point. Some people teach that as Christians we shouldn’t look at outward appearance when selecting a mate. As Christians, if we really want a Godly woman our dating pool is limited. The women that are most likely to draw our eye are usually the ones we shouldn’t be dating.  In my opinion, looks absolutely do matter. There has to be some physical attraction. Plus a woman that can’t control her eating probably lacks discipline in other important areas as well.

A good rule of thumb for Christian men to follow is if you can see yourself being intimate with her with the lights on then she’s pretty enough. A good ratio is 30% looks 70% personality. Not the other way around like many younger men like to think.

I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t point out that we too must work to make ourselves physically appealing to a female as well. Remember, women have eyes too. I’m not saying you need to have abs to get a good girl but if one is overweight working to lose some of it will help you tremendously in your search for a suitable spouse. Not to mention as servants of God Christians are commanded to take care of our bodies. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). If you have weight to lose try the 1 Week Diet. It’s the fastest weight loss plan I’ve seen!

Look for consistency in her beliefs

Some women will claim to have Jesus in their hearts but their beliefs are inconsistent. If she tells you that she loves the Lord and is serious about her faith yet can’t recite a single Bible verse verbatim that shows lack of sincerity. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible is just two words “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Think about it, would you take someone seriously who said Star Wars was their favorite movie but couldn’t recite a single line from the film?

Related: A REAL Christian Cafe vs Christian Mingle Comparison

We must be Godly men

Men of God must behave in a manner that bequeaths the teachings of Jesus. If you truly want to be a Godly man there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push her to sin with her body, respect her, and honor her, etc. While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).

Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young lady. She’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with her. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there and you’re seeing her getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job as a man to put the breaks on. Yes, it will hurt her temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt her a lot more if she finds out that you just settled for her. If you’re not feeling it with her despite the fact that she looks good on paper that means God is trying to tell you she’s simply not the right woman for you.

The core of a Christ-like man and husband is to be a leader of his household and stand with honor & integrity. Christian women want a man that shows strength, not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.

We must look in the right places

In order to choose a wife God’s way then we must look in the right places. If we meet a girl at a bar she’s obviously less likely to have the values that God wants us to look for. Church or another distinctive Godly environment is the best choice but there are other options such as Christian dating sites. I met my wife on eHarmony. Read my story of how I met my life partner. eharmony one of the largest Christian datings site in the world. They let you see your matches for free. Check to see if they still do that. Christian Cafe is another great option as they work to actually keep the site as Christian as possible–not to mention it’s Christian owned. If you are adventurous and want to look abroad try Christian Filipina. Many mature Christian men look to the Philippines as the women are traditional and have a more forgiving attitude towards age than western women.

Further Reading: Top 5 Sites to Find a Christian Wife

Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ Filipina Dating

5 Signs Your Filipina Girlfriend is Marriage Material

Is My Filipina Marriage Material or Not?

So you’ve been dating this girl for a few months now and you’re really starting to feel the butterflies in your stomach and you want to know if she is marriage material or not. In this article, I’m going to discuss whether or not your Filipina partner is marriage material. There are, of course, the obvious signs: she’s not easy, she has Jesus in her heart, and she’s a kind person. But I want to go deeper than that and get into some real signs your Filipina is wife material.

She Wants You But Doesn’t Need You

First and foremost you should be looking at if she’s had financial emergencies in which you were required to help. A woman who is serious will not have constant financial emergencies and shouldn’t be asking for money for at least 3 months. I know things happen but when it comes to dating people in The Philippines financial emergencies are a big red flag. Rest assured if she’s having financial emergencies now she’ll continue to have them throughout your time with her.

You want to marry a woman who wants you but doesn’t need you because she’s desperate to get out of poverty. While I make no bones in saying resources will most likely be part of the reason she’s interested in you it shouldn’t be the only or even the most important reason. I do believe all relationships have some sort of transactional value but that doesn’t mean your relationship should be nothing more than a monetary transaction.

She Admires Your Gifts

Sometimes guys come here and think they can buy a person’s love. You can rent a person’s body at a cheap price here but you can never buy a person’s love. A Filipina that really loves you will admire things about you, and I don’t just mean your passport or your wallet either.

Maybe you’re a good cook or a great woodworker, or you’re really good at problem-solving. Whatever it is we all have our gifts and she should admire at least one of them. If she can’t give you any specific attribute about you that she admires and all she can say is ‘oh because you’re so kind to me’, that’s a sign you two are not yet ready for marriage.

In addition to that, she should admire your strengths as a man and not be threatened by them. The Lord has called us as men to be the head of our households. Now some guys misinterpret that to mean you can be a bossy douchebag and expect her to take it. but a mature man understands that a good leader is also a good listener and cares deeply for those he leads.

If she gets offended or balks at the idea of yielding to you then she’s not marriage material. It’s important to note that I mean she must yield only after being consulted first and her point of view being taken seriously. By the way, in the real world, it’s in your best interests to go along with her idea(s) more often than not. 😉

Related: American Filipino Marriage Success Rate

Ability to Forgive

Ask anyone who has been married for more than 5 years and they’ll tell you one of the most important things to keeping a marriage together is the ability to forgive your spouse. No matter how good of a match you guys are you will undoubtedly make mistakes and so will she. That’s why it’s paramount that you marry a woman with the ability to forgive.

Now, of course, I’m not suggesting that she has to be a doormat who should accept things like infidelity. I’m referring to honest mistakes such as forgetting a birthday or not properly receiving her mother’s blessing when you first met her. I had a buddy who was with this girl and every time they got into an argument she would bring up a long laundry list of all the mistakes he made in the past even though she said she already forgave him.

Which leads me to my next point. If something is forgiven then while it’s not forgotten it most certainly is finished. A woman who can forgive doesn’t bring up those things again and again just to win an argument.

Not Quarrelsome

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24

A woman that likes to argue is bad news, period. I don’t care how pretty she is, how rich she is, or even how Christian she is. A woman who likes to argue will make your life a living hell. You see people, both men, and women, who like to argue do it because they love the drama. They crave it and they need it to feel validated.

People that like to argue are also people who think they’re always right and are usually the smartest person in the room. This goes back to the respect that I talked about before. Someone that always argues with you doesn’t respect you. They’re so self-centered that they literally cannot see that someone having a different perspective than them isn’t wrong.  Stay away from women who like to argue. 

She Shares Your Values

Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together. Deuteronomy 22:10

This is by far the most important factor to determine if your Filipina is marriage material or not.  If your partner doesn’t share your values, for example, she’s a spender and you’re a saver or your faith is important to you but she’s a holiday Christian, then your marriage probably won’t last long.  Finding a wife who shares your values is more important than finding a beautiful woman or even an intelligent woman.

The Bible tells us to be equally yoked. Now that verse is referring to believers and nonbelievers but it can also be interpreted to emphasize the importance of finding a woman who has the same fundamental values as you, and not just your faith.

A Loving Filipina Partner is The Best Partner You’ll Ever Have

A Filipina that truly loves you will make you experience love in a way that you’ve never experienced in your entire life. She’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy and hopefully, you’ll do the same for her. I have a buddy that is a techie and got a good wife from The Philippines. He told me he’ll never forget one day when he tried to go out to go to the store but his girlfriend wouldn’t let him go because his shirt was wrinkled. She didn’t want her lover to be seen in clothes that weren’t ironed. She made him give her his shirt and she ironed it and then let him go out. That was when he knew she was the right one to be his wife.

You May Also Like:

How to Find a Filipina Wife With Good Values

Best Christian International Dating Sites

How to Bring a Filipino To The US

How Much Does it Cost to Marry a Filipina

 

Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ Filipina Dating

Don’t Marry A Filipina (With These Traits)

Many brothers looking for a wife ask what types of Filipinas to pursue and what types of Filipinas to avoid. There are obvious types which are those who dress provocatively, complain about their finances, or use curse words but I want to go deeper than that; beyond the obvious.

Don’t Marry a Filipina That Swears to Tell The Truth

Growing up my grandma used to always tell us there’s nothing worse in this world than a liar. One of the best ways to spot a liar is if she has to constantly swear she’s telling the truth. If she begins her sentences with ‘to tell you the truth’ or ‘honestly’ its because she’s worried that she won’t be believed. But why does a person who’s truthful need to worry that they won’t be believed?

Another good sign of a liar is if they give convoluted explanations. I remember when I was dating a girl and when I looked at her phone I saw her telling another guy ‘I love you’. When I confronted her about it she swore up and down that it was her cousin and they were just close. She gave this long convoluted explanation as to why she spoke that way with her cousin. It didn’t take a genius to figure out she was lying and that was indeed her real Filipino boyfriend.

Don’t Marry a Filipina Who Tell Lies About Others–Even ‘White Lies’

I strongly advise guys to avoid girls who tell lies about others. Even so-called ‘white lies’. Someone who is willing to lie about other people is certainly willing to lie about you. Furthermore, a gossip may be fun to listen to but gossips are typically the most vicious people out there.

We all gossip to some degree but someone who tells outright lies about others just to bring attention to themselves or achieve their own goals is a person with a black heart.

Attention Seekers

Attention seeking can go way beyond being scantily clad. If you are talking to a girl and you’re noticing she does things to draw attention to herself such as constant complaining about her life on social media, taking selfies everyday and posting them on Facebook, being boastful, or constantly gossiping she should be avoided.

The reason being is most attention seekers are insecure and need constant validation from others in order to make it through their day. These people often have deeply internal issues that you may not want to deal with.

Avoid Filipinas Who Are Disobedient To Their Parents

The parent is the first and foremost representation of God’s authority in our lives. There’s a reason that not only is the first commandment to honor your mother and father but the bible says no less than 20 times to respect your parents. God gave us a mother and a father so that we may receive guidance through life.

Now I’m fully aware that some homes are dysfunctional and some parents just aren’t that great. But a woman who constantly speaks ill of her parents and is flagrantly disrespectful clearly has a problem respecting authority. If she won’t respect the authority of those who gave her life what makes you think she’ll respect your authority once she gets what she wants from you?

Stay Away From Girls Whose Parents Don’t Care

Before I moved to Bacolod I was in Iloilo first. My girlfriend was with me for an entire week while in Iloilo and then when we moved to Bacolod. Once we got to Bacolod I assumed her family would want to meet me. When I asked about it she said ‘oh they don’t care’. What the heck?!’ I thought. Your parents don’t want to know who their child has been spending the last week with, even more so because he’s from the other side of the world?! That wasn’t right.

This is true in America but especially in The Philippines, the fathers are supposed to be protective of their daughters. I’d be very wary of any girl whose parents allow their young daughter to go out with random guys by herself. If you’ve been talking to a girl and she hasn’t mentioned her family wanting to meet you and get to know you it is most likely because she’s had dozens of guys before you and they don’t care. More to the point the family is probably using her to extract money from vulnerable foreigners.

The more likely scenario if you’re dating a provincial girl is that her family will require a chaperone to accompany her when she’s with you. That means you’ll be paying for dinner for three.

Related: What to Expect When Dating a Filipina

Avoid Girls Who Are Ungrateful

The greatest pleasure in a relationship comes from sacrificing yourself for your partner. However, a girl that’s very pretty and thinks she’s doing you a favor by dating you is going to be very difficult to make sacrifices for. We all want gratitude and a girl that is ungrateful should be avoided no matter how pretty she is.  What’s worse is an ungrateful girl will probably always be on the lookout for greener pastures i.e. a guy with more money.

A Woman Who Won’t Forgive

Ask anyone who’s been married more than 5 years and they’ll tell you one of the most important aspects to keeping a marriage together is the ability to forgive. Now I’m not saying she should be a doormat but even if you are always on your best behavior you will undoubtedly do things that annoy or even infuriate her. A woman who won’t forgive and holds grudges is not a woman you want to be around. If you date a woman like that expect to have things you did 5, or even 10 years ago, thrown back at you during an argument. I’d say living with a woman like that is the closest thing to hell we have on Earth.

Lovers of Pleasure Over Love of God

28 Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfoldand will inherit eternal life. 30 But many who are first will be last, and the last first.

Matthew 19:28-30

Those who chase pleasure over God will get neither while those who pursue the way of the Lord will get both. Someone who you constantly have to cajole to go to church with you or do something that will benefit someone else besides themselves is someone who should be avoided.

Lastly, Avoid A Girl That is Too Perfect

Some people may get the impression that I am advocating that you look for a perfect girl. I tell you the truth, there is no perfect girl. Every woman you meet will be a flawed individual just as you are. Only you can determine which flaws you will accept and which ones you can’t.

However, a girl that just seems way too perfect is often not showing her true self. Remember many of these girls are desperate and will do anything to get out of their current situations. If she just seems too perfect then she’s probably not being honest. No human being is going to agree with you 100% of the time. No woman is going to want to be subservient and take orders from you all the time. If your purpose for dating a woman in The Philippines is because you want a subservient wife who will take your orders with a smile then may I kindly suggest you get a dog instead.

Choose a woman who will help you on your walk with God, not one who will hinder it.

Related: Best Sites to Meet Filipinas

 

Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ

Here’s How to [Really] Find a Wife According to The Bible

Many younger Christian men avoid marriage because they are afraid of choosing the wrong woman to be their spouse. It’s no surprise given all the images we see of men being cleaned out by the wrong woman. I tell you the truth if you learn how to find a wife God’s way you can’t go wrong.

How to Find a Wife According to The Bible

In order to find a wife according to the Bible, a Christian man must demonstrate the characteristics of a Godly man in both his heart and in his conduct. 

What are the characteristics of a Godly man?

A Godly man isn’t afraid to step up and lead or initiate. Scripture tells us in 2 Samuel 10:7,12 ”Be strong, and let us show ourselves courageous for the sake of our people and for the cities of our God; and may the LORD do what is good in His sight.” – 2 Samuel 10:7,12

A Godly man fears only God and speaks the truth in love.

Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. – Proverbs 27:5-6

Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy. – Proverbs 31:8-9

But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence. – 1 Peter 3:15

A Godly man is humble. 

Let the righteous smite me in kindness and reprove me; it is oil upon the head; do not let my head refuse it, for still my prayer is against their wicked deeds. – Psalm 141:5

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:5-7

A Godly man lives to serve the Lord above all else. 

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” – Matthew 6:33

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. – Mark 10:45

Why Christian men should seek a wife

One of the most important things I stress when speaking to Christian men is the importance of finding a Godly wife and, while not to rush, to marry sooner rather than later. The reason this is important is that: let’s face it brothers; the female form is one of, if not the, most powerful weapons the enemy uses against us in our journey towards God. The Lord created the woman for man and the man for woman in the proper channel–marriage.  The thing is it’s much more complicated than that. Sometimes my good intentioned fellow teachers and writers put too much emphasis on marriage–inadvertently leading young men to choose the wrong wife or even leave Christ.

Avoiding corporeal sin is just one reason Christian men should seek marriage. Another important reason is that a good wife is critical to helping a man on the right path to God. It is written in Genesis 2:18The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”. Scientific data bear this out. It is proven that married men live longer, make more money, and are happier than their single counterparts. In order for a Christian man to have a Godly marriage, he must choose a Godly woman who will help him on his journey.

What makes a Godly woman?

That, of course, begs the question of what are the qualities of a Godly woman? There are the classic qualities that many of us have heard

The most important is that she is serious about her faith. She is a kind woman that wants to support her husband and will stick with him through thick and thin.

Scripture about pursuing a woman

It is written in Proverbs 18:22He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” You see the word ‘find’ is written. I strongly believe as men of God it is our job to pursue and court a woman. The world tells us it’s okay for a woman to pursue a man but I feel that is against God’s plan. Any pursuit of a woman should always begin with prayer. We must pray for His guidance when seeking a life companion.

Christian men are targets for gold diggers

How to Find a Christian Wife

I tell you the truth, Christian men are often the targets of gold diggers, scammers, and others with nefarious intentions. Many gold diggers choose Christian men as their targets because they know that God has commanded us to take care of and honor our wives. An acquaintance of mine from college was a good guy but had a serious problem with lust. His goal was to get married right after he graduated to fulfill his desires.

In his words, he wanted “The hottest bod [he] could find”. He ended up with a girl that was Christian in name only. She regularly went to bars, loved to adorn herself with expensive jewelry & clothing, and even got a breast augmentation. She managed to sink her claws into him and despite pretty much everyone telling him she wasn’t the right girl for him (2 pastors even declined to marry them) he married her anyway. Last I heard a year ago she maxed out all of his credit cards, ran up massive debts, and then filed for divorce.

Related: How to Find a Filipino Wife

Christian Filipina Asian Ladies Dating 336x280 rectangle

Will I Ever Find a Christian Wife?

Absolutely yes! If you are seriously seeking a woman of faith and are following these principles you most definitely should find a Christian wife! These general guidelines will help those of us who are looking for a Christian girlfriend to become our wives.

Date with the intention to marry

The first step is to separate ourselves from the world’s view of dating. The world’s way is not God’s way. The world tells us to play the field and ‘try it before we buy it’ but that’s not what Christ has taught us. It’s important as Christian men that we date with the intention to marry. That doesn’t mean just take the first woman that’s even marginally compatible and shows interest. It means we should be searching for a woman that can become suitable for a life partner.

Looks matter to you and her

Which leads me to my next point. Some people teach that as Christians we shouldn’t look at outward appearance when selecting a mate. As Christians, if we really want a Godly woman our dating pool is limited. The women that are most likely to draw our eye are usually the ones we shouldn’t be dating.  In my opinion, looks absolutely do matter. There has to be some physical attraction. Plus a woman that can’t control her eating probably lacks discipline in other important areas as well.

A good rule of thumb for Christian men to follow is if you can see yourself being intimate with her with the lights on then she’s pretty enough. A good ratio is 30% looks 70% personality. Not the other way around like many younger men like to think.

I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t point out that we too must work to make ourselves physically appealing to a female as well. Remember, women have eyes too. I’m not saying you need to have abs to get a good girl but if one is overweight working to lose some of it will help you tremendously in your search for a suitable spouse. Not to mention as servants of God Christians are commanded to take care of our bodies. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). If you have weight to lose try the 1 Week Diet. It’s the fastest weight loss plan I’ve seen!

Look for consistency in her beliefs

Some women will claim to have Jesus in their hearts but their beliefs are inconsistent. If she tells you that she loves the Lord and is serious about her faith yet can’t recite a single Bible verse verbatim that shows lack of sincerity. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible is just two words “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Think about it, would you take someone seriously who said Star Wars was their favorite movie but couldn’t recite a single line from the film?

Related: A REAL Christian Cafe vs Christian Mingle Comparison

We must be Godly men

Men of God must behave in a manner that bequeaths the teachings of Jesus. If you truly want to be a Godly man there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push her to sin with her body, respect her, and honor her, etc. While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).

Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young lady. She’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with her. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there and you’re seeing her getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job as a man to put the breaks on. Yes, it will hurt her temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt her a lot more if she finds out that you just settled for her. If you’re not feeling it with her despite the fact that she looks good on paper that means God is trying to tell you she’s simply not the right woman for you.

The core of a Christ-like man and husband is to be a leader of his household and stand with honor & integrity. Christian women want a man that shows strength, not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.

We must look in the right places

In order to choose a wife God’s way then we must look in the right places. If we meet a girl at a bar she’s obviously less likely to have the values that God wants us to look for. Church or another distinctive Godly environment is the best choice but there are other options such as Christian dating sites. I met my wife on eHarmony. Read my story of how I met my life partner. eharmony one of the largest Christian datings site in the world. They let you see your matches for free. Check to see if they still do that. Christian Cafe is another great option as they work to actually keep the site as Christian as possible–not to mention it’s Christian owned. If you are adventurous and want to look abroad try Christian Filipina. Many mature Christian men look to the Philippines as the women are traditional and have a more forgiving attitude towards age than western women.

Further Reading: Top 5 Sites to Find a Christian Wife

Categories
Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ Advice for Brothers in Christ Dating Abroad Filipina Dating

When it Comes to Christian International Dating You Get Out What You Put In

Jesus was walking along the path one day when he saw a fig tree that was barren. He knew that figs were in season but this particular tree, despite taking the Earth’s resources in sunlight and rain chose not to give anything back in the form of fruits. That is why Jesus cursed the fig tree causing it to die and wither away.

Relationships are the same way. If you want something you have to give something. Otherwise, your relationship is cursed just like the fig tree. Often Filipinos seeking a relationship with foreign men have the attitude that because they are dating someone older than them that means he should be the only one to give. Foreign guys often think that because they are the ones shouldering the expenses that his partner should be a servant.

You’re not like that…oh really?

Relationships aren’t about keeping score, they are about respect. Many of my readers have heard me say this before and their response is almost always: Oh I’m not like them. 

Are you sure? You say you want a genuine relationship but yet in the first conversations with a new guy you’re complaining about your financial woes or that your phone is crappy and needs to be replaced. Honestly speaking who cares if your phone is crap? Get a job, save some money, and get a better phone. Would you walk up to a stranger in the mall and tell him your phone is crappy and expect him to care? So why should some random person you just met on skype?

Are you sure? You say you want someone that will genuinely love you but yet in the first conversations you’re asking her to send you photos of her chest and do dirty video calls with you. Who cares if you are horny and it’s been a long time? Whether you like it or not most young women aren’t interested in men twice their age because they are exceptionally handsome to them. If you want her to genuinely love you then you need to show her that your interest in her is genuine through deeds & time, not money.

What do you really want?

Be honest. If you fall into either of those categories then you’re not looking for love. You’re looking for a one-sided relationship that benefits you. The good news is most people in this category get what they deserve which is nothing. Most Filipinas looking for cash just end up wasting a whole lot of time for nothing and most foreigners just looking for ‘young & fresh meat’ end up older and more alone than they were before. Serves them right.

Listen, if you’re not willing to love someone 20 years your senior with no money involved then you have no business talking to men from the west.

If you’re not willing to love someone who requires that you shoulder most of the expenses but still expects to be treated as an equal then you have no business talking to Filipinas.

Don’t Muzzle The Ox

Think about your past relationships with people. If you had a friend that was constantly coming over to your home, eating your food, and watching TV yet never gave anything back would you keep that friend very long? We both know the answer to that. The Bible says not to muzzle the ox pulling the grain wheel for a reason. If the ox is putting effort into pulling the wheel then give him his just due.

If your partner is shouldering all the expenses then give him his due. I understand you may not be able to afford an expensive gift but you can make something for him. You can do other things to show him you are sincere and no I don’t just mean nice words. Talk is cheap.

Related: Signs A Filipina Actually Likes You

Hell Hath No Fury

Arne Erhard Johansen is 70-year-old Dane living in Iloilo City in The Philippines. He was recently hospitalized clinging on to his life after suffering multiple stab wounds to his abdomen. His Filipina girlfriend says that he stabbed himself after an argument with her. Most other expats believe that she stabbed him after he informed her the relationship was coming to a close and he never intended to give her a visa to Europe.

Blessel Ong was a 49-year-old Filipina that was killed by her husband in California. It is rumored that she was killed after informing her husband that she was filing for divorce after she received her residency in The United States. Rather than spending the rest of his life in prison the husband then killed himself.

I’m not saying this is the norm but this is what can happen when you date someone for the wrong reasons. Mutual exploitation is still exploitation and it’s wrong. These people paid the ultimate price for their misdeeds. Hell hath no fury like a person slighted by a lover.

Related: The Trust Costs of Marrying a Filipina

Where to Start

In order for a relationship to work both sides must be willing to invest in it. A relationship where only one side is giving is cursed just like the fig tree. Money and sex aren’t anywhere near close enough to what it takes to make a relationship work.

The first step is to have the right attitude. Whether he is 10, 20, or even 30 years older than you he is still your equal. Even if she is poor he is still your equal. If you are willing to invest to be matched with someone who understands this concept then set up a profile with a good international Christian dating site and make the investment. But even if you meet someone on Facebook or any other free site you will still have to make an investment if you expect a relationship, or anything else in life, to work out for you.

See: Christian Filipina Review

Build a Strong Foundation

When it comes to dating building a strong foundation is paramount to your relationship succeeding. Too often we Christians base our relationships on superficial things such as beauty and wealth. While those are factors that’s not the most important factor.

The most important determinant to whether your relationship and marriage will succeed or fail is whether or not your partner is your best friend. Studies show the best friends tend to have longer healthier romantic relationships than not. While a beautiful woman or the prospect of a better life is okay to open the door, what keeps them in will be the number of things you have in common and how strong those things are. Shared interests are the ultimate glue to hold your relationship together.

Related: How to Find a Christian Wife God’s Way

The Paradox of Choice

One of the biggest issues men looking to date internationally will face is the paradox of choice. Specifically, that you have so many different women to chose from it’s almost impossible to pick one since you’re afraid of missing out.

Related: Dating Filipinas Over 35 The Dating World’s Best Kept Secret

This is a problem for local dating thanks to the internet and is greatly exacerbated in international dating since you’ll undoubtedly have beautiful women in the prime of their lives throwing themselves at you. No one, including me, can tell you which one to pick but truthfully you should pick a woman that truly seems to share the most common interests with. After that, it should be the one you are most physically attracted to. That way you’ll have both the personality and physical aspects covered.

Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ Filipina Dating

Ways to Catch a Filipina in a Lie That Actually Work

Angelica: Honey I have a problem. My internet bill is due today and I cannot pay it.

You: Why can’t you pay it? I already sent you $100 two weeks ago plus you started your new job at the call center 2 months ago.

Angelica: As I already told you I’m only earning 6000 every 2 weeks.

You: Hmm that’s interesting because last month you told me you make 10,000 every two weeks

Angelica: I meant to say 10,000 pesos…sorry baby…

You: Uh-huh I gotta go

How to Catch a Filipina in a Lie – When you tell the truth you don’t need a good memory

You just caught your Filipina in a lie because you had actual numbers. Filipinas can be master manipulators and you need to look out for some of their tricks. Your best weapon to catch a Filipina in a lie is to have a better memory than she does. Judge Judy always says when you tell the truth you don’t have to have a good memory.

Fact: Filipino scammers that like to lie are most likely chatting with multiple guys and telling them multiple stories. It’s hard to keep track of all those stories and eventually, they’ll slip up.

Specificity is Your Friend

When you’re chatting up a girl in The Philippines always try to get specifics when having a conversation. For example, if you’re talking about your jobs, don’t just ask what she does. Ask her what her job title is. You can do this tactfully. If she tells you she graduated from college ask her what her degree is in and what university specifically.

Fun fact: The top universities ‘The Big 4’ in The Philippines are: University of The Philippines, Ateneo University, De La Salle University, University of Santo Tomas

Remember that Facebook messages don’t go away. Anytime she gives you a number you can cross-reference it with a number she gave you before. Whenever she asks for money always make her give a detailed explanation of why she needs it.

Use ‘what about’ questions. For instance if she’s claiming to need money for her lola’s hospital bill, make sure you ask ‘well what about your job?’ ‘What about’ questions ae a great way to get her to give you numbers.

Related: Why Filipinas Always Ask For Money

Ask for Details

A lot of times Filipina scammers will try to lie about having the same interests as you. If she tells you she has a particular interest ask more questions about it. If, for example, she tells you her faith is strong and she goes to church every Sunday ask her what her favorite bible verse is. A true Christian woman of faith shouldn’t have any problem telling you her favorite bible verse without even having to think about it.

Do What The Cops Do

When the cops interrogate someone they’ll ask a question, get the answer, and then they’ll ‘confirm’ a different answer later in the interview. This is a good tactic because it goes back to what I said earlier. If you tell the truth you don’t need a good memory.

You can ask her what subject is her degree in and let’s say she tells you it’s in Hotel and Restaurant Management, when you first meet and maybe after a month ago you can bring it up in conversation that she said she had a degree in Caregiving (yes that’s a degree in The Philippines).

Common Things Filipinas Lie About

Just remember their goal is to get you to like them so you’ll give them a better life. So here are some common lies you’re likely to hear if you chat with enough Pinays

  • Telling you she’s a virgin
  • Saying you’re the only foreigner that she’s ever chatted with
  • Claiming love after 1 or 2 chats
  • Lying about the strength of her faith
  • A typhoon blew down her house
  • Her lola (grandma) is in the hospital
  • She has no children
  • That she graduated from college

Get Her Off Her Script

I used to work as a cell phone salesman for a major carrier here in The US. I remember in training I had to read all sorts of information about over a dozen phones and I remember thinking to myself ‘how the heck am I gonna remember all of this stuff?!’ Turns out when I got in the phone with most of the potential customers they all asked pretty much the same questions: “How much does it cost?” “What colors do you have?” and “How many minutes and gigabytes of data should I get?”.

Turns out that Americans looking to date Filipinas also ask pretty much the same questions. “How old are you?” “What are you looking for?” ” Do you have children?”and “How many other foreign boyfriends have you had?”

That’s why most Filipinas looking to manipulate someone have a script that they use with pretty much every single guy that they talk to. They know what to say to get you the most excited about dating them. Therefore if you want to catch a Filipina in a lie asking her unexpected questions is the best way to throw her off her script. A study revealed this was one of the best ways to catch identity thieves.

She expects that you’ll ask her how old she is. But what if instead, you ask her what year she was born? If she hesitates and has to think about it then you’ll know she’s a liar. This obviously works better in a voice chat then a text chat. She knows you’ll ask how many foreign boyfriends she’s had before. But what if instead, you ask ‘what does your family think about you talking to guys so far away?’ This might trip her up into saying something like ‘oh they’re used to it’ or ‘they don’t care’. Those are signs she’s talked to many foreign guys before you.

Best ways to avoid Filipina scammers

My grandmother used to tell us growing up that the best way to keep from getting sick is to eat with clean hands. If you want to avoid scammers the best way is to be a person of honor and integrity yourself. If you approach Filipinas like you’re a celebrity that has his pick of the litter or worse that you can buy a person, you shouldn’t be surprised if you don’t get good results.

Take your time. There’s no rush. Many girls will try to rush you into a relationship and marriage but there’s simply no reason to rush. Someone that’s desperate to enter into a relationship isn’t someone that’s likely to tell the truth even when it hurts. The word of a desperation person isn’t worth the air its spoken in.

See my reviews of dating sites that have good screening mechanisms & matching services.

Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ

Necessary Dating Advice for Christian Guys

A brother came into my office one day a bit perturbed. I asked what the problem was and he said there wasn’t much good dating advice for Christian guys out there. I was a bit shocked because I always figured there was plenty. But when I looked all I saw was hard rules and stipulations on what not to do but not much affirming information on how a Christian man can find a good wife.

The core things that a Christian man searching for a wife should know are:

  • Only date other believers
  • Date with the intention to marry
  • It is never too soon to marry the right person
  • Be a godly boyfriend by living with honor & integrity
  • Don’t give up!
  • Ask what would Jesus do?

Related: Dating for Spiritual and Romantic Growth

The Cornerstone of Godly Dating

The 1st piece of advice comes in the form of a bible verse: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14). Seriously, if you choose someone that is an unbeliever the relationship almost is doomed to be ungodly. Why? Because he or she will have the entire wicked world on their side.

The 2nd piece of advice is this: Always date to marry and never date just to date.

As Christians we must align our lives with the teachings of Christ as much as possible. If we date just to date our chances of giving in to our bodily temptations increase exponentially. Remember Jesus told us that even looking at a woman with lust a sin against God (Matthew 5:28). Therefore it is important that we try to marry as young as is practical. God doesn’t hate sex. He loves sex and wants us to enjoy our bodies and our partners–just in the right way. Just as gluttony being a sin doesn’t mean God hates eating; the prohibition of sex before marriage doesn’t mean God merely tolerates physical pleasure. God made woman to satisfy man and God made man to satisfy woman.

Collect & Select is Not Biblical

Why can’t we just play the field and settle down when we find someone we like?

Many brothers in Christ ask this question and its understandable but let us first be honest about the roots of this question. Do you seriously expect to date multiple women for years and even decades but never have sex? Or is that the point? The worldly male desire to spread his seed among many females. Collect & select or ‘dating around’ is what those who have succumb to their bodily desires do. Not that’s not to say that you should just settle down for the first girl you meet but truthfully speaking if you date with the intention to marry you will naturally select the right woman for you sooner rather than later.

When I was single I dated women for their bodies and justified it in my mind as ‘making sure I get the right one’. The truth is I had no intention on settling down for most of the girls I was dating.  Once I accepted Christ back into my life it wasn’t long before I signed up for a Christian oriented dating site and found my beautiful wife Nicole.

Related: How I Met My Wife

How to Be a Godly Boyfriend

If you truly want to be a godly boyfriend there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push her to sin with her body, respect her, and honor her etc. While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).

Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young lady. She’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with her. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there and you’re seeing her getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job as a man to put the breaks on. Yes it will hurt her temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt her a lot more if she finds out that you just settled for her.

The core of a Christ-like boyfriend and husband is to be a leader and stand with honor & integrity. Women want a man that shows strength, not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.

Next piece of advice: It’s never too soon to get married*

Many Christians struggle with the question of when is the right time to get married. I strongly believe so long as you’ve followed the biblical principles* in selecting a companion in the first place it’s never too soon to get married. In fact, I don’t advise that Christian couples date longer than a year. If after a year you’re not ready to walk down the aisle then that probably isn’t the relationship God wants for you.

Historically, people got married in their teens and early 20’s. Now people are waiting until their 30’s or even 40’s to tie the knot. Here’s why it’s best to marry as soon as possible –and no it’s not just about giving in to bodily desires.

  • Scientific research has shown that a woman’s best eggs come out first. Therefore starting a family sooner rather than later means it’s less likely to produce a child with autism or Down syndrome.
  • The longer you wait to marry the significantly greater chance you have at succumbing to your bodily desires. Your companion will be there to satisfy your needs once you are married.
  • When you get married young it’s easier to grow together. Once you reach your 30’s and 40’s you’ve already formed your habits and traditions and its much harder to adjust to having a life companion. Whereas when you both start off young you form your habits and traditions together.

Christians follow the advice of Christ

The modern world tells you it’s better to wait as long as possible to marry. They say if you wait you won’t get divorced. If that’s true then tell me why is it that in Utah they get married younger than the rest of the nation and the state has the lowest divorce rate in the nation? Not to mention it’s also the happiest state in the union.

You see, that’s what the world doesn’t tell you. You can’t just take one biblical principle, throw it in the goulash of sin and it when doesn’t work use it to try to disprove Christ. We must put all the biblical principles together in order for the system to work like a perfectly oiled machine. People that irresponsibly date for lust and get married right away do have a higher chance of divorce. People that date with the intention of being with someone for the rest of their lives not only stay together but are happier. And yes; young adults who were raised in a responsible Godly environment are capable of making such an important decision.

What does the bible say on marrying young?

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)  The world will tell you to date and hold out until nearly the last possible second to get married. That is not advisable. Remember in the beginning of this article I told you my wife and I sinned before marriage? It was because we waited more than a year to get married.

Since, as a Christian, you are dating with the intention to marry that means you’re choosing a companion that is the best for you and will help you on your walk with Christ. After one year you should know whether or not he/she is the right one for you. That’s why I recommend after one year together it’s time to have a serious discussion about the progression of the relationship.

What would Jesus do?

Jesus told us that he would always be with us. His corporeal form may be deceased but the son of God never left us. Whenever you have a question or a doubt about something imagine Jesus is standing right next to you. Do you think he would approve of what you want to do? Maybe you and your girlfriend just got into a bad argument and an attractive woman messages you on Facebook. Before you begin making excuses in your head to entertain her think about whether or not Jesus would approve. Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t have the financial status you hoped for and your handsome boss winks at you. Just as yourself “what would Jesus do”?

Don’t give up!

My final piece of advice to my Christian brothers is this. Don’t give up! I know it’s can be hard out there to find a suitable partner but just have the faith the she is out there. There’s nothing that makes me sadder than cynicism. We’ve all seen that bitter old man that is angry because he didn’t get what he wanted out of life and now he’s going to die alone. That doesn’t have to be you. The key is to never become cynical! If you had a bad break up or a girl you really liked turned you down that just means you’re one step closer to finding the right one!

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Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ Advice for Brothers in Christ

Christian Dating With a Big Age Gap

Think because you’re young and thin that you’re doing him a favor by being with him? Think again! Think because you’re always flipping the bill that she should be your de facto slave? Not so fast mister!  Real relationships aren’t about keeping tabs. They’re about respect and dating with a big age gap takes a large amount of maturity from both sides in order to succeed.

The Trophy and the Sugar daddy

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting a woman younger than you nor someone that has money those shouldn’t be the only reasons you are interested in inter-generational dating. Living in the Philippines I see this paradigm all the time. An older men walking around with some barely legal girl that has zero interest in him other than his wallet or his passport. The older man knows the girl doesn’t love him. The girl is just willing to endure the gossip and shame for the aforementioned reasons.  The older man is getting a trophy. He wants to show his friends back home pictures  with his prize.

These relationships are always so sad to me as they are unhealthy for both parties. Yes, the young lady is getting money but she doesn’t want that guy on top of her every other day. Yes the older man is getting his trophy but deep down he knows young lady hates it when they are intimate. He sees his ‘partner’ never initiating physical intimacy,  but merely tolerating it. He sees his partner texting her friends laughing if ever he has male issues. Man, that’s gotta hurt!

The Flower and the Butterfly

The good news is I’ve also seen true happy older/younger relationships. The young lady loves every single wrinkle on his partners face and every pound on his waist. The older man loves the immature joke or inexperienced life tale he hears.  No one is a trophy nor a sugar daddy. The young lady is the flower looking to be pollinated and the older man is the butterfly seeking a flower for nectar.  A mutually beneficial loving relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting younger women!

Sometimes people judge when a man decides to date a younger woman but the truth is its natural to be attracted to youth and vitality. There are even websites like Christian Filipina where you can seek older or younger women. The reality is many of those men judging secretly want a young woman themselves.  If someone 20 years younger than you is what makes you tick then as long as she’s legal go for it!  We all have our dating preferences whether it be ethnicity, weight, height, or anything else. It’s better to be honest than to try to force yourself to be in a relationship with someone you’re not happy with.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting economic security!

Resources have been a factor when choosing a partner since the beginning of time. Men tend to look for signs of vitality and good health i.e. youth while women tend to look for signs of security and resources i.e. money. Men want a woman that can give him good healthy progeny while women want a man that will stick around and provide security for her offspring. A lot of older men look to younger women for physical attractiveness and younger women are looking to older men for economic security. Neither of these desires is a bad thing.

What does the Bible say about marrying a younger woman?

In Biblical times people married quite young. It was not uncommon for people to be married by age 15 or 16. It might be possible that Abraham married Sarah when she was 14. Obviously, in modern times with major differences in maturity levels, it’s not a good idea, or legal, to date a minor.

And no the Bible does not condone messing with girls that aren’t able to consent (i.e. pedophilia) unlike what some atheists and other non-believers charge.

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent [emphasis mine] and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 7:5

That being said marrying a woman just for her youth isn’t biblical either. There are several verses that this can be inferred from.

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:28


But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Matthew 16:17

While her youth and physical appearance shouldn’t be the primary reason for marriage it is not wrong to desire a younger woman. The Bible gives numerous examples of God granting men he favored with younger wives from Abraham, to Isaac, to Soloman.

Understand that you are both equals

Sometimes men tend to look at inter-generational relationships as unequal. The older partner might think he can control the younger partner because he writes the rent check every month. Sometimes the younger partner might think she’s doing the older partner a favor because she’s with that particular older guy despite all the others that are flirting with her. Neither scenario is true.  You think because you pay the bills that she has to do whatever you say? Think again. She’s a human being that deserves to be treated with respect. If you don’t she’ll leave you for someone that will.

Maybe you think because you are young and thin and constantly have other older men throwing themselves at you that entitles you to special treatment?  You think “man he doesn’t know how lucky he is because he has me!” If that’s the case then your partner is the most unlucky person in the world to have someone like you sleeping next to him.  Good relationships are not favors nor are just about physical intimacy. Never be with someone that thinks she’s doing you a favor by being with you. That sounds basic but many older Christian men have been socialized to believe that that’s all they’re worth.

Avoid buying her expensive gifts & trips in the beginning

We all have it. The urge to shower the one we love with lavish expensive gifts to show our sincerity and love. This is often a fatal mistake. If you try to buy her by giving her expensive gifts no matter how good of a person she is she will come to expect those things from you. What happens if you are no longer able to provide those things?

Just like you don’t want a relationship that’s founded on sex you also don’t want a relationship that’s foundation is expensive gifts & trips. I’m not saying its bad to spoil your partner. I’m just saying don’t do it in the beginning. If you try to buy her you may end up losing her to the next guy that has more money. And unless you’re Bill Gates there’s always going to be someone else with more money than you.

Talk about it!

In an inter-generational relationship often the expenses won’t be split 50/50; honestly almost never.  Realize that just because you might be paying more often than not it doesn’t mean she’s using you. If you’re unsure, just take a step back and look. Is she opening her wallet when she’s with her friends while claiming to be broke with you?  When you’re the one always paying resentment can be a natural reaction. If you feel the resentment towards your partner beginning to fester talk to her about it.

Let her know you understand she may not have much money but you’d appreciate something small like a card, a rose, or even some candy every once in a while. It’s always the little things that count.  Which brings me to my next point; if you’re the one with lower finances there are some things you can do to make your partner not feel used. 1. Don’t suggest expensive activities and then expect him to pay. 2. Do little things. He knew coming in that you didn’t have much money. It’s not your money he wants; he just wants to feel appreciated and to know you don’t feel entitled to his money because of your youth.

Embrace your differences

A personal story: in some ways my partner and I couldn’t be more different. She’s into Ms. Universe and other ‘girly’ things while I like Adult Swim and Star Trek. My partner will never enjoy an episode of Futurama nor will I ever enjoy watching a Ms. Universe pageant. We embrace those differences as should you.  Understand that maybe as an older man you’ve gone through more and been at this game of life longer but that doesn’t mean you should look down on her or treat her like your daughter. She wants a husband not a father. Conversely, don’t interpret advice as him trying to be your dad rather you should interpret it as him trying to prevent you from making the same mistakes he did.

Accept the bitter with the sweet

Yes, you’re going to get strange looks sometimes. Yes, there will be some friends telling you that you can do better or that since you’re the one always paying the tab that she should be a de facto servant. There are even be some haters that call you a pedophile for marrying someone significantly younger than you. These are the things that come up in an inter-generational relationship. On the other hand, if you choose to date a mature guy you’ll get a man who is secure and has your back when something happens. You’ll get a man that understands a relationship is more than physical intimacy. Most importantly you’ll get a man that is actually serious about wanting a relationship in the first place! So spread your wings and find your flower or butterfly!