Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

How Tinder Keeps Christians Single

Americans adults are more likely to be single than at any point in our country’s history. In 1960 72% of American adults were married. Today 63% of American adults have never been married. Just over half of 18-34 year-olds have no steady partner at all.

Is it that people just don’t want to be bothered with dating anymore? I don’t think so online dating has surged with apps like Tinder, Bumble, and others occupying more and more people’s phones. Numerous studies have shown that married people are happier, healthier, and wealthier than their single counterparts.

• ­­Married couples rated their life satisfaction 9.9% higher than widows and widowers. • Married couples were 8.8% happier than higher than divorced or separated people. • Singles, however, only reported being 0.2% happier than those who are divorced. What Matters Most to Personal Well-Being UK Office of Natl Statistics

So what’s the problem? Part of it is that we are victims of our own success. Back in the days when you needed a partner to survive marriage rates were obviously higher. Nowadays we can earn enough money to make it on our own. That’s also what’s contributed to the surge in the divorce rates in the ’70s and ’80s.

But most of us already knew that. I’d also like to propose that dating apps/sites like Tinder have contributed to the singleness epidemic.

Is Tinder Good for Christians?

Many Christians want to know if they should use apps like Tinder and Bumble when seeking a partner. After all, ‘everybody’s doing it’.  I won’t bore you with hypothetical scenarios about jumping off a bridge but suffice it to say that popularity isn’t the criterion of which we, as Christians, should evaluate something.

When evaluating a dating app we should ask ourselves whether or not it will help us in achieving our goals. As Christians, the goal of dating should be marriage. Dating for too long can lead to a host of problems such as sexual sins and acting like you’re married when you’re actually not. However, I want to go beyond that. There are other good reasons why Christians, or anyone who’s serious about dating, might want to avoid ‘dating’ apps like Tinder.

They Create Paradox of Choice

Ever been rejected by someone who you thought was in your league? Remember, that great feeling you got when you saw that they were still single and looking 6 months later? Come on, be honest I know I do. Apps like Tinder that encourage you to ‘swipe left’ teach you to devalue people. ‘Up she had a mole’ or ‘oh his smile is weird’.

The average person looks at a photo on Tinder approximately 2 seconds.  Do you really think two seconds are enough to evaluate a fellow human being? Tinder creates the illusion that there are so many options that we can be super picky. This creates a paradox of choice; meaning that people don’t want to make a choice because they’re afraid they’ll miss out on something better.

Tinder is Addictive

Using Tinder is surprisingly similar to playing the slots. With one pull you could get that $10,000 jackpot. But since you don’t know when the lucky pull is coming just keep pulling and pulling (and paying). Tinder is essentially the same. You may log on and meet that hot guy or girl that wants to a serious relationship with you, but more often you’ll get disappointment and even mistreatment from other users. Since you don’t know when you will hit that jackpot you keep logging on again and again which causes you to get frustrated.

Once frustrated its easy to take it out on other users since the environment is still relatively anonymous. So what you end up with is a situation where you’re addicted to an app that causes you pain and frustration. This is no accident. Free dating apps make their money users clicking on the ads inside the app.  The longer you spend in an app the more likely you are to click on an ad or upgrade your membership. That means they’re designed to keep you on the app and swiping as much as possible.

It Can Cause You to Base Your Self Worth on Sex

We all know that many people use Tinder to hookup. By its very nature, the app is superficial. People put the best picture of themselves that they can in hopes someone they like will swipe right. Your entire worth on the app is based on how good your photo looks.

When you meet someone in real life they can get a much better picture of you. They can see your mannerisms and strike up a conversation. People are usually less rude in real life than they are online. They’ll give someone a chance in real life who they otherwise would’ve swiped left on Tinder.

Tinder Teaches Selfishness

When you go on Tinder you’re presented with this buffet of men or women in front of you which gives the illusion of a lot of choices. That’s why when many of us go on the app we just think about what we want and what will make us happy at the moment.

But real relationships don’t work that way. Real relationships are an amalgamation of what both parties want and they compromise to make it work. But on apps like Tinder if a guy or girl doesn’t check all of our boxes we can easily just move on to the next one. It gives a false impression that there’s always something better right around the corner and makes us less likely to stick it out when times get tough with our partners.

It should be no surprise that most Tinder users have only been on one date from the app and that less than 25% are looking for a long term relationship.  The bottom line is most people on Tinder aren’t serious.

If Not Tinder Then What?

I hope I didn’t dash all of your hopes of finding that special someone. There’s a lot more than Tinder out there. The best way to meet someone is to meet them in person. As I said before you just a better idea of who a person is in real life as opposed to the best selfie they can take. If not real life there are a plethora of Christian dating sites out there.

Christian Mingle and eHarmony come to mind but there are others. OkCupid is a favorite of many people because its free. I have an entire list of good Christian dating sites for men and for women you can look at. Just remember the most important thing in finding a partner is someone who shares your faith and a person who you can respect.

Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

Are You Ready for Intimacy? – Christian Dating Advice

Are you ready for great intimacy in your life? You probably think I’m asking if you’re ready for sex,  but you’d be wrong. What I’m actually asking is if you are ready to grow close to someone through mutual respect, caring, support, understanding, and increasing levels of acceptance? To put it plainly, are you ready for a real Godly relationship?

Are You Ready for a Godly Relationship?

Intimacy as defined above is something that takes work and practice to get better at. There are certain challenges that make true intimacy between gay men even harder, namely the lack of social acceptance, but fortunately, that problem is declining in most places in the world..

If you’re not sure if you’re read here are some questions you can answer to see if you are ready for a true Godly relationship.

#1 Do You Have Courage? 

Specifically, do you have the courage to be vulnerable? The way you begin the process of building intimacy is to reveal personal information about yourself to your potential partner and he to you.  Once you guys do this you will begin to have a sense of mutuality.

Over time this can lead to intimate bonding. If you’re not ready to be vulnerable then you may not be ready for a relationship.

#2 Can You Keep a Secret?

Most of us love to hear gossip but dislike those who gossip all the time. If you want a successful relationship then your partner must trust that you won’t reveal the personal information that he’s telling you.

Be mindful of what you are saying when you are speaking about another person. You may not think people don’t notice when you gossip but believe me they do.

Be careful what you say and protect your life. A careless talker destroys himself.

Proverbs 3:13

#3 Can You Show Concern for Their Sensitivities?

I remember I was talking to this girl and we were having a conversation about our past dating experiences. I told her a story about how I had been talking to another girl for almost a month via texts and voice calls. We finally decided to meet and it was decided I would travel to a city closer to her and we would spend the weekend together in the mountains.

Well, I didn’t manage to get there until 12 am and she didn’t get in until around 3 am. When she got in he wanted sex  I told her that I was a Christian and couldn’t have sex until marriage (I told her this before) The next morning we ate breakfast and he told me he was going to store and would be back. Long story short I never heard from her again, she just left without even saying anything and it really hurt me.

The girl I was telling this to then quipped, “You got hurt just for that?!”. Suffice it to say it went nowhere between the two of us.

If we want to be in a relationship then we have to show concern for the sensitivities of others even if we don’t fully agree with them.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

#4 Can You Be Lovingly Honest?

We all know that honesty is the best policy but some of us take it too far, myself included, and can be just brutal. In fact, learning how to be honest in an effective way takes practice. Let’s say the guy you are talking to is trying on a pair of butt ugly shoes, is just grinning about it, and he asks you your opinion.

You can say ‘those are the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen!’ but that won’t win you any points now will it? But you also don’t want to say you love them when you don’t as that would be dishonest. The better way would be to say something like ‘Well, I really like those black ones over there’.  Being lovely honest is a great way to build trust.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Ephesians 4:15

#5 Can You Act Dependably?

The guy you are talking to wants to see that you respect him. One of the ways to do that is by acting dependably. That means making sure you’re always on time for your dates, for example. I get that stuff happens but when you’re late its best to just apologize and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Please! If he points out that you’re late don’t point out that time he was late or just make excuses. The bottom line is you had an agreement (to meet at a certain time) and you broke that agreement. Even if it’s just a small commitment the best course of action is to just apologize and try not to let it happen again.

Just remember it’s the little things that can cause the biggest problems or lead to the biggest rewards.

But whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

1 John 2:5-6

Wrapping it Up

The things I talked about above are the things that need to happen in order to intimacy to occur. Intimacy is the fundamental component of an effective godly relationship. As you can see intimacy takes work (more for some than others), hence the maxim relationships take work.

Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

How Long Should a Christian Date Before Marriage?

I still remember it like it was yesterday. There was this girl I had been dating for 4 months and I was crazy about her. Her faith seemed strong, she was kind-hearted, and she cooked great food! I wanted to ask her to marry me but part of me knew it was too soon. However, I found articles and youtube videos that told me what I wanted to hear that there was no time limit to marry someone. I bought a ring and asked her to marry me and she accepted, reluctantly. Still, I was the happiest guy in the world that day! Then the next day I discovered she was still flirting with her ex. She even entitled the conversation “My Lover”. It was the first time in my life I could literally feel my heart fall to the floor.

How Long Should a Christian Date Before Marriage?

Typically a Christian should date 1-2 years prior to getting married. The data show that this is the sweet spot to ensure the longevity of a marriage. Getting married before a year indicates a certain level of impulsivity and those who are impulsive are less likely to think things through. Dating too long can also be problematic because most people know after one year if the person they are dating is the right one. Usually after two years if a couple won’t get married it’s because there are some serious compunctions but the couple often bows to social pressures to tie the knot.

The Bible doesn’t actually talk about dating which is why the question of ‘how long should a Christian date before marriage?’ is something that is hotly debated. Some people say 1-year, others say 2 years, while some even say 4-6 months.  So what’s the right answer?

The Data on Marriage Longevity

Couples were more likely to stay together if:

  1. The man said his partner’s looks weren’t that important
  2. The woman said her partner’s wealth wasn’t important
  3. They went to church together (46% less likely)
  4. They didn’t spend a lot of money on the wedding

A Penn State University study concluded that couples that dated an average of 25 months were the happiest 14 years later. Another study at Emory University concluded that couples that attended religious services together on a regular basis were the 46% less likely to get divorced.

The same study concluded the cheaper the wedding the better the marriage as couples that had a wedding that cost less than US$1000 were far more likely to stay together than those with uber expensive weddings. Not surprisingly superficial marriages don’t last either. Couples, where the woman said the husband’s wealth was important, were a whopping 60% more likely to end in divorce. Marriages, where the man said to woman’s looks were important had a 50% likelihood of failure.

What Makes a Marriage Last?

Marriages tended to last longer if:

  • The couple are also best friends
  • They shared the same religious principles
  • They remained intimate with one another

When your spouse is your best friend that means that you can talk to them about nearly anything without a filter. You guys get each other and can communicate on a level deeper than just verbally.  When you have that level of a bond that means you know how to resolve a conflict in a way that’s acceptable to both parties. A study from the University of Vancouver confirms this.

Couples that pray together, stay together. That old adage had some truth to it. Couples that attend religious services together on a regular basis had high longevity together versus those that did not. This makes sense because one of the most important factors for the longevity of any relationship, not just romantic, is if the parties shared the same values. Attending religious services together is an indication that you both share the same core values.

Praying also reduces cheating. A study entitled “Faith and Unfaithfulness: Can Praying for Your Partner Reduce Infidelity?” discovered that praying for a partner actually reduced the likelihood of infidelity.[x]  In fact, praying for one’s partner was a stronger indicator of lower rates of infidelity than initial satisfaction with the relationship as a whole.

A couple that enjoys each other in the bedroom is more likely to be happy. Sexual conflict can lead to infidelity which is one of the leading causes of divorce. It’s really important that both of you guys are sexually satisfied with each other. Furthermore, if one partner is not that she feels free enough to express her dissatisfaction in a loving helpful way.

The Dangers of Dating Too Long

The Bible doesn’t talk about dating and there’s a reason for that. God wants us to be single or be married. Dating is meant to be a temporary transition between those two realities, not something permanent. Couples that date for years and years are not as happy as married couples and couples that date more than 4 years before marriage are far more likely to split.

If you think about it this makes sense. After a year or so most people know whether or not they want to marry the person they’re with or not. After a certain amount of time, the relationship more so becomes a relationship of convenience more than anything. The couple just stays together because its easier than starting all over again.

As Christians, we should remember that our goal in dating is marriage. That’s in stark contrast to the worldly view of dating. If we intend to maintain God’s commandments then dating too long is a big danger to committing sin. You even see some long term daters acting as though they are married when they are not. In those cases from what I’ve seen it is usually the guy who won’t put a ring on it.

Beware of dating too long.

Watch my video on signs God wants you to marry the person you’re dating

Further Reading:

How to Find a Christian Wife

How to Find a Christian Husband

Signs She is Marriage Material

Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ Dating Site Reviews

Exploring If Christian Mingle Is For College Students

I was chatting with some of my readers and they asked me if Christian Mingle good for college students? I had to do some research to find the answer.

Is Christian Mingle Good for College Students?

Christian Mingle can be good for college students but I cannot say it is the best choice for a starving student for various reasons. For the average college student, I’d recommend OkCupid instead. 

What a College Student Would Like About Christian Mingle

Christian Mingle is the world’s largest online Christian dating community, boasting over 16 million members and is growing every day.  What I like about paid sites is that people who are actually willing to put their money where their mouths are, tend to be more serious than someone that set up a profile by connecting their facebook account for free.  Another site I like is eharmony. That’s where I met my wife. However, eharmony isn’t cheap and the questionnaire takes a long time (up to 40 minutes). Christian Mingle used to let you set up your profile and review your matches for free. Check to see if they still do that.

If you are considering joining the Christian Mingle Community the site is a good resource for Christians who are looking for a life partner. In fact, it’s the largest Christian dating site in the world–boasting a membership if 16 million+.  However, there are some cons that need to be considered so in order for you to make an informed decision I will give you the Christian Mingle Pros & Cons.

Additional Christian Mingle Benefits:
  • Extremely easy to set up a profile. You can just import your Facebook information with one click, answer a few questions, and start seeing your matches
  • Christian Mingle has a very large member base with over 16 million Christian singles.
  • The Statement of Faith listed on the website is Biblically based and accurate.
  • The website is clean and does not use sex to sell their service.
  • Part of a large Christian network of sites that are all Christian based and work to spread the Christian faith.
  • Sign up is completely free as well as browsing through your matches.
  • Offers real Christian singles in your own area.
  • Gives its members an entire page outlining how to keep you safe while using their site.


But Hold On…

16 million single Christians eager and ready to find their life partner, what’s to lose?!  Like the old saying goes the devil is in the details. While they have 16 million members what matters is how many of them are active. Of those 16 million members only about 160,000 (10%) of them accessing the site on a daily basis.  Compare that to 66% of Facebook users who access the site every day. Another thing college student daters need to consider is that Christian Mingle tends to cater to crowds that are 30+.

160,000 is still a good amount considering that you only need one person to be your spouse.  Since it’s free and super easy to create a profile (click one button) there’s no harm in visiting the site and browsing around.

Christian Mingle Alternatives

There are a few alternatives to Christian Mingle for college students. The two I’ll present to you today I really like because they are either free or offer a full free trial with no credit card required.

Christian Cafe

If you want to give online dating a go then also consider Christian Cafe. This site is Christian owned and the biggie for me is that they delete inactive profiles! I took the time to create a chart for you guys to compare Christian Cafe with Christian Mingle.

Christian Mingle vs Christian Cafe Comparison Chart

Christian Mingle Christian Cafe
Price 29.99 per/mo


(check pricing)

34.97 per/mo


(free 10-day trial)

Number of Users 16 Million 750,000*
Christian owned
Number of cool features

As you can see Christian Mingle has some distinct advantages over Christian Cafe. Namely the price and number of users. For many daters that makes the choice pretty clear but hold on a second. Many Christian daters will appreciate that Christian Cafe is actually Christian owned while Christian Mingle is owned by a big corporate conglomerate–Spark Networks. This is the same company that owns sites such as Attractive World where users must pass a looks test in order to be accepted. I’d say that’s hardly a Christian value.

Christian Cafe Benefits

In addition, Christian Cafe has some distinct advantages that many daters will like:

  • QuickMatch-A feature which suggests profiles who are compatible in terms of age, faith, location, and relationship goals.
  • Ability to see if your message has been read
  • Photo verification–All photos must be recent & clearly show the users’ face to be approved
  • Inactive profiles are removed–This means you don’t have to worry about sending messages to users that don’t bother to check their profiles
  • Actively managed–The Christian Cafe team doesn’t hesitate to remove troublemakers from the site
  • Faith over finance–They know they could attract more users if they let people post scantily clad photos in bikinis and short shorts but they don’t allow that
  • It offers ‘cafe’s’–Forums for members to interact with each other
  • Free 7-day trial–Try it before you buy it

So you see while the user base is small it’s active. What good are 16 million or 16 billion users if 3/4 of them haven’t logged in for more than a year? Christian Mingle’s focus is on growth and numbers and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing those who are serious about their faith may be disappointed that their ‘matches’ aren’t as Christian as they’d hoped.

Christian Cafe while still a business puts faith over finance and works hard to create a truly Christian environment. This enables people of faith to find Godly matches who share their values. The best thing I liked was the free 10-day trial. This allows daters to see for themselves if the site is the right choice for them.


OkCupid is my favorite dating site for young people. They also have a matching system and it’s totally free to use. While of course, it has up-sales none of those are necessary in order to fully use the service.  I know a few young people who met their spouse on OkCupid.

The site also allows you to tailor your matches to only Christian singles, but of course, there are no guarantees but it’s far less likely you’ll run into atheists and holiday Christians once you tailor your matches than on Tinder or Bumble.  When I was in college I was broke and every penny counted. That’s why I highly recommend trying OkCupid before trying any paid dating site.

Wait, If OkCupid is so great then why don’t more Christian sites recommend it?

*whispers* Because OkCupid doesn’t pay website owners a commission for referring new users. 

What are the downsides?

Like anything, there are downsides to OkCupid. Namely, because the users don’t have to put their money where their mouth is you’re still far more likely to get users who aren’t serious. You’re also more likely to run into holiday Christians than on a site like Christian Cafe or Christian Mingle.  So while my overall recommendation for most college students is OkCupid it doesn’t hurt to set up a free profile on Christian Cafe or Christian Mingle just to see what’s up.

Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ Advice for Brothers in Christ Dating Abroad Filipina Dating

When it Comes to Christian International Dating You Get Out What You Put In

Jesus was walking along the path one day when he saw a fig tree that was barren. He knew that figs were in season but this particular tree, despite taking the Earth’s resources in sunlight and rain chose not to give anything back in the form of fruits. That is why Jesus cursed the fig tree causing it to die and wither away.

Relationships are the same way. If you want something you have to give something. Otherwise, your relationship is cursed just like the fig tree. Often Filipinos seeking a relationship with foreign men have the attitude that because they are dating someone older than them that means he should be the only one to give. Foreign guys often think that because they are the ones shouldering the expenses that his partner should be a servant.

You’re not like that…oh really?

Relationships aren’t about keeping score, they are about respect. Many of my readers have heard me say this before and their response is almost always: Oh I’m not like them. 

Are you sure? You say you want a genuine relationship but yet in the first conversations with a new guy you’re complaining about your financial woes or that your phone is crappy and needs to be replaced. Honestly speaking who cares if your phone is crap? Get a job, save some money, and get a better phone. Would you walk up to a stranger in the mall and tell him your phone is crappy and expect him to care? So why should some random person you just met on skype?

Are you sure? You say you want someone that will genuinely love you but yet in the first conversations you’re asking her to send you photos of her chest and do dirty video calls with you. Who cares if you are horny and it’s been a long time? Whether you like it or not most young women aren’t interested in men twice their age because they are exceptionally handsome to them. If you want her to genuinely love you then you need to show her that your interest in her is genuine through deeds & time, not money.

What do you really want?

Be honest. If you fall into either of those categories then you’re not looking for love. You’re looking for a one-sided relationship that benefits you. The good news is most people in this category get what they deserve which is nothing. Most Filipinas looking for cash just end up wasting a whole lot of time for nothing and most foreigners just looking for ‘young & fresh meat’ end up older and more alone than they were before. Serves them right.

Listen, if you’re not willing to love someone 20 years your senior with no money involved then you have no business talking to men from the west.

If you’re not willing to love someone who requires that you shoulder most of the expenses but still expects to be treated as an equal then you have no business talking to Filipinas.

Don’t Muzzle The Ox

Think about your past relationships with people. If you had a friend that was constantly coming over to your home, eating your food, and watching TV yet never gave anything back would you keep that friend very long? We both know the answer to that. The Bible says not to muzzle the ox pulling the grain wheel for a reason. If the ox is putting effort into pulling the wheel then give him his just due.

If your partner is shouldering all the expenses then give him his due. I understand you may not be able to afford an expensive gift but you can make something for him. You can do other things to show him you are sincere and no I don’t just mean nice words. Talk is cheap.

Related: Signs A Filipina Actually Likes You

Hell Hath No Fury

Arne Erhard Johansen is 70-year-old Dane living in Iloilo City in The Philippines. He was recently hospitalized clinging on to his life after suffering multiple stab wounds to his abdomen. His Filipina girlfriend says that he stabbed himself after an argument with her. Most other expats believe that she stabbed him after he informed her the relationship was coming to a close and he never intended to give her a visa to Europe.

Blessel Ong was a 49-year-old Filipina that was killed by her husband in California. It is rumored that she was killed after informing her husband that she was filing for divorce after she received her residency in The United States. Rather than spending the rest of his life in prison the husband then killed himself.

I’m not saying this is the norm but this is what can happen when you date someone for the wrong reasons. Mutual exploitation is still exploitation and it’s wrong. These people paid the ultimate price for their misdeeds. Hell hath no fury like a person slighted by a lover.

Related: The Trust Costs of Marrying a Filipina

Where to Start

In order for a relationship to work both sides must be willing to invest in it. A relationship where only one side is giving is cursed just like the fig tree. Money and sex aren’t anywhere near close enough to what it takes to make a relationship work.

The first step is to have the right attitude. Whether he is 10, 20, or even 30 years older than you he is still your equal. Even if she is poor he is still your equal. If you are willing to invest to be matched with someone who understands this concept then set up a profile with a good international Christian dating site and make the investment. But even if you meet someone on Facebook or any other free site you will still have to make an investment if you expect a relationship, or anything else in life, to work out for you.

See: Christian Filipina Review

Build a Strong Foundation

When it comes to dating building a strong foundation is paramount to your relationship succeeding. Too often we Christians base our relationships on superficial things such as beauty and wealth. While those are factors that’s not the most important factor.

The most important determinant to whether your relationship and marriage will succeed or fail is whether or not your partner is your best friend. Studies show the best friends tend to have longer healthier romantic relationships than not. While a beautiful woman or the prospect of a better life is okay to open the door, what keeps them in will be the number of things you have in common and how strong those things are. Shared interests are the ultimate glue to hold your relationship together.

Related: How to Find a Christian Wife God’s Way

The Paradox of Choice

One of the biggest issues men looking to date internationally will face is the paradox of choice. Specifically, that you have so many different women to chose from it’s almost impossible to pick one since you’re afraid of missing out.

Related: Dating Filipinas Over 35 The Dating World’s Best Kept Secret

This is a problem for local dating thanks to the internet and is greatly exacerbated in international dating since you’ll undoubtedly have beautiful women in the prime of their lives throwing themselves at you. No one, including me, can tell you which one to pick but truthfully you should pick a woman that truly seems to share the most common interests with. After that, it should be the one you are most physically attracted to. That way you’ll have both the personality and physical aspects covered.

Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

10 Most Common Christian Dating Profile Mistakes

I have made my fair share of dating profiles. Both for myself, and for friends. I’ve seen hundreds of dating profiles in my day and there are very common mistakes I see people making. Most of the time they do it because they think it’s no big deal but in reality, they’re shooting themselves in the foot and then turn around and blame the dating site.

Bad Pictures

Guys please understand that the picture is by far the most important part of your dating profile. No matter how good everything else in the profile is if the picture sucks then the whole profile is garbage. Here are the most common mistakes I see with pictures.

  • Bad pictures
    • Poor lighting.
    • Unflattering angles.
    • Composition is too bland or eccentric.
    • Too revealing or not revealing enough.
    • Too many people, or too few.
    • Poor selection of attire.

Esoteric Self Information

I’ll never understand why some people feel the need to be so bitter on their dating profiles. They write things that indicate that they hate the world and everyone in it but yet can’t figure out why they’re still single. Really?! No one likes a negative Nancy or a bitter Bob.

Life sucks sometimes get over it or at least don’t put in your dating profile that your life sucks.

Unrealistically High Standards

Unless you have a million dollars and a six pack or a million bucks and a dd cup the words ‘need not apply’ should never ever appear in your dating profile. I know it’s hard to accept but sometimes it can’t always be about looks. That being said if you are willing to broaden your horizons you can consider looking abroad to date someone younger. Christian Filipina is the best site for mature men interested in dating Asian women for eastern European women try InterKontct. while Black Dating is a good source for mature women looking for Black men in the Caribbean. Look for your Latin Lover here.

Self Deprecating Low Standards

Having too low of standards and being a wet noodle is equally problematic. This is especially a problem for women and men who look abroad to date. They’ve been socialized to believe that they’re not worth very much and therefore allow people to take advantage of them just to claim being coupled.

If you do choose to look abroad to date understand that you have something they want–US citizenship and you don’t need to tolerate a partner that looks down on you or acts like she’s doing you a favor by being with you.

Being ‘Too Christian’

I know this sounds counter-intuitive but seriously some of the worst people I’ve ever met were people who wore their religion on their sleeve. Christianity is not a contest and there is no ‘winner’ of Christianity in the sense that the more you advertise your religion the move favor you will gain from God.

Jesus himself tells us this in Matthew 7:16 “know them by their fruits”. People will see you have Christ in your heart through your deeds not by wearing religion on your sleeve or the cross on your neck. You don’t need to saturate your dating profile with Bible verses and boast about your church committee assignments in order to have a good Christian dating profile.

But after writing those out, I realized that there is a more abstract way of viewing all mistakes.

Not Correctly Targeted

Facebook is one of the world’s most successful companies. Last year, the company boasted a 15.9 billion in profit. While NBC Universal had a net income of just 2.56 billion. What is it that facebook does that makes the company so much money? The answer: targeted marketing.

The company is genius at knowing what people are interested in and targeting specific ads to those interests. That’s why I’ll never see an ad for feminine hygiene products or flower delivery on my feed. Because of that advertisers love using their platform for their ads since they’re not wasting money on people who will never buy their products.

People are not thoughtful enough about the kind of person they are hoping to target with their profile.

So many times, I would catch myself and my friends fiddling with the thought, “will people like this?”

Who are people?

No, but seriously. Who are these people? Do you want your profile to appeal to the widest possible audience? Do you truly believe that any “catch” is a good one? Because if you do, please correct that immediately. Each of us have features that play better with some people, not everyone. Some girls are never going to be into a nerdy guy while some guys will never be into super atheletic girls.

Related: How to Find a Christian Wife

Lack of Self Awareness

Really, the people who are the best at creating online dating profiles are those who have the highest internal and external self-awareness.

This is because, not only are they capable of marketing themselves well externally. They are also able to capture a certain genuineness of themselves, that leads to far higher match quality.

So if you really want to improve your online dating profile, show your friends. I dare you. If you feel embarrassed at the thought of it, you probably have some editing to do.

An Example of a Good Dating profile

Read Full Profile

Tired of dating profiles? Try Its Just Lunch Instead.

Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ Advice for Brothers in Christ

Christian Dating With a Big Age Gap

Think because you’re young and thin that you’re doing him a favor by being with him? Think again! Think because you’re always flipping the bill that she should be your de facto slave? Not so fast mister!  Real relationships aren’t about keeping tabs. They’re about respect and dating with a big age gap takes a large amount of maturity from both sides in order to succeed.

The Trophy and the Sugar daddy

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting a woman younger than you nor someone that has money those shouldn’t be the only reasons you are interested in inter-generational dating. Living in the Philippines I see this paradigm all the time. An older men walking around with some barely legal girl that has zero interest in him other than his wallet or his passport. The older man knows the girl doesn’t love him. The girl is just willing to endure the gossip and shame for the aforementioned reasons.  The older man is getting a trophy. He wants to show his friends back home pictures  with his prize.

These relationships are always so sad to me as they are unhealthy for both parties. Yes, the young lady is getting money but she doesn’t want that guy on top of her every other day. Yes the older man is getting his trophy but deep down he knows young lady hates it when they are intimate. He sees his ‘partner’ never initiating physical intimacy,  but merely tolerating it. He sees his partner texting her friends laughing if ever he has male issues. Man, that’s gotta hurt!

The Flower and the Butterfly

The good news is I’ve also seen true happy older/younger relationships. The young lady loves every single wrinkle on his partners face and every pound on his waist. The older man loves the immature joke or inexperienced life tale he hears.  No one is a trophy nor a sugar daddy. The young lady is the flower looking to be pollinated and the older man is the butterfly seeking a flower for nectar.  A mutually beneficial loving relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting younger women!

Sometimes people judge when a man decides to date a younger woman but the truth is its natural to be attracted to youth and vitality. There are even websites like Christian Filipina where you can seek older or younger women. The reality is many of those men judging secretly want a young woman themselves.  If someone 20 years younger than you is what makes you tick then as long as she’s legal go for it!  We all have our dating preferences whether it be ethnicity, weight, height, or anything else. It’s better to be honest than to try to force yourself to be in a relationship with someone you’re not happy with.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting economic security!

Resources have been a factor when choosing a partner since the beginning of time. Men tend to look for signs of vitality and good health i.e. youth while women tend to look for signs of security and resources i.e. money. Men want a woman that can give him good healthy progeny while women want a man that will stick around and provide security for her offspring. A lot of older men look to younger women for physical attractiveness and younger women are looking to older men for economic security. Neither of these desires is a bad thing.

What does the Bible say about marrying a younger woman?

In Biblical times people married quite young. It was not uncommon for people to be married by age 15 or 16. It might be possible that Abraham married Sarah when she was 14. Obviously, in modern times with major differences in maturity levels, it’s not a good idea, or legal, to date a minor.

And no the Bible does not condone messing with girls that aren’t able to consent (i.e. pedophilia) unlike what some atheists and other non-believers charge.

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent [emphasis mine] and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 7:5

That being said marrying a woman just for her youth isn’t biblical either. There are several verses that this can be inferred from.

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:28

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Matthew 16:17

While her youth and physical appearance shouldn’t be the primary reason for marriage it is not wrong to desire a younger woman. The Bible gives numerous examples of God granting men he favored with younger wives from Abraham, to Isaac, to Soloman.

Understand that you are both equals

Sometimes men tend to look at inter-generational relationships as unequal. The older partner might think he can control the younger partner because he writes the rent check every month. Sometimes the younger partner might think she’s doing the older partner a favor because she’s with that particular older guy despite all the others that are flirting with her. Neither scenario is true.  You think because you pay the bills that she has to do whatever you say? Think again. She’s a human being that deserves to be treated with respect. If you don’t she’ll leave you for someone that will.

Maybe you think because you are young and thin and constantly have other older men throwing themselves at you that entitles you to special treatment?  You think “man he doesn’t know how lucky he is because he has me!” If that’s the case then your partner is the most unlucky person in the world to have someone like you sleeping next to him.  Good relationships are not favors nor are just about physical intimacy. Never be with someone that thinks she’s doing you a favor by being with you. That sounds basic but many older Christian men have been socialized to believe that that’s all they’re worth.

Avoid buying her expensive gifts & trips in the beginning

We all have it. The urge to shower the one we love with lavish expensive gifts to show our sincerity and love. This is often a fatal mistake. If you try to buy her by giving her expensive gifts no matter how good of a person she is she will come to expect those things from you. What happens if you are no longer able to provide those things?

Just like you don’t want a relationship that’s founded on sex you also don’t want a relationship that’s foundation is expensive gifts & trips. I’m not saying its bad to spoil your partner. I’m just saying don’t do it in the beginning. If you try to buy her you may end up losing her to the next guy that has more money. And unless you’re Bill Gates there’s always going to be someone else with more money than you.

Talk about it!

In an inter-generational relationship often the expenses won’t be split 50/50; honestly almost never.  Realize that just because you might be paying more often than not it doesn’t mean she’s using you. If you’re unsure, just take a step back and look. Is she opening her wallet when she’s with her friends while claiming to be broke with you?  When you’re the one always paying resentment can be a natural reaction. If you feel the resentment towards your partner beginning to fester talk to her about it.

Let her know you understand she may not have much money but you’d appreciate something small like a card, a rose, or even some candy every once in a while. It’s always the little things that count.  Which brings me to my next point; if you’re the one with lower finances there are some things you can do to make your partner not feel used. 1. Don’t suggest expensive activities and then expect him to pay. 2. Do little things. He knew coming in that you didn’t have much money. It’s not your money he wants; he just wants to feel appreciated and to know you don’t feel entitled to his money because of your youth.

Embrace your differences

A personal story: in some ways my partner and I couldn’t be more different. She’s into Ms. Universe and other ‘girly’ things while I like Adult Swim and Star Trek. My partner will never enjoy an episode of Futurama nor will I ever enjoy watching a Ms. Universe pageant. We embrace those differences as should you.  Understand that maybe as an older man you’ve gone through more and been at this game of life longer but that doesn’t mean you should look down on her or treat her like your daughter. She wants a husband not a father. Conversely, don’t interpret advice as him trying to be your dad rather you should interpret it as him trying to prevent you from making the same mistakes he did.

Accept the bitter with the sweet

Yes, you’re going to get strange looks sometimes. Yes, there will be some friends telling you that you can do better or that since you’re the one always paying the tab that she should be a de facto servant. There are even be some haters that call you a pedophile for marrying someone significantly younger than you. These are the things that come up in an inter-generational relationship. On the other hand, if you choose to date a mature guy you’ll get a man who is secure and has your back when something happens. You’ll get a man that understands a relationship is more than physical intimacy. Most importantly you’ll get a man that is actually serious about wanting a relationship in the first place! So spread your wings and find your flower or butterfly!

Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

Why You Need a Pre-Nup Even If You’re Broke

A lot of brothers & sisters get into this mindset that because they’re broke that they don’t need a prenup prior to getting hitched. This article explains why nothing could be further from the truth. You need a prenup even if you’re broke.

Why get a prenup?

To not have to pay his loans

You’re in love. You’ll never get divorced and even if you do you ain’t got nothing so what’s the big deal? I’m sure that’s what you’re thinking. Well, prenups are not just for rich people. I’m sure you know that any property acquired during the marriage is considered 50/50 community property. Did you also know that debt–including student loans– is also considered community property in many states?   That means if you guys decide to split without a prenup you could be stuck paying for half his bills including her shopping sprees, cell phone bills, and maybe even student loans.

A prenup eliminates the opportunity for a peaceful divorce to turn into a bloodbath,” says Matthew Zubricki, a 28-year-old CPA based in Chicago, who is currently drawing up a prenup with his fiancé. “It seems insane that anyone would sign into a partnership where one partner could hypothetically leave at any time with the incentive of claiming half of the partnership’s joint assets. A prenup can prevent you from being in this situation.


To stop him or her from trashing you on facebook

You can put social media clauses that could prevent her from trashing you on social media outlets like facebook or twitter. These typically state that you and your ex can’t share embarrassing photos or make disparaging remarks about each other on social media. Violating this clause could lead to a fine — it’s been reported it could cost someone $50,000 for a violation. This is especially useful if you have a brand or business interests to protect.

To stop them from misusing your money

A prenup can have a clause that the partner receiving alimony or spousal spouse can’t use that money for alcohol or at the casino. More importantly, you can stop him from using the money to say start a business that directly or indirectly competes with yours.

This is, of course, all in addition to making sure you don’t get stuck with expensive alimony (spousal support) payments, Without a prenup she could potentially divorce you and you still get stuck paying her every month.

Don’t get too crazy

One thing to keep in mind is that sometimes having too many frivolous lifestyle clauses can be cause for a judge to invalidate a prenuptial agreement. Remember, the prenup has to be at least somewhat fair in order to be enforced.

The prenup can’t be so one-sided as to be considered ‘unconscionable’.  Donald Trump learned this the hard way when his prenup with wife #1, Ivana, was partially thrown out because the courts determined it was too one-sided.

California, in particular, has some particularly tough requirements to make sure a prenup is fair:

  • Both parties must have complete information about the finances and property of the other partner
  • Each partner must wait a minimum of 7 days after receiving the prenup before signing it. Do you remember how Barry Bonds’ prenup was thrown out because the wife said she didn’t have enough time to think it through?
  • Each partner must receive full disclosure of the terms, rights, and conditions of the prenup
  • Each partner must either have independent legal counsel or waive the right to independent counsel before signing the agreement


Isn’t a prenup a plan to fail?

Many folks don’t want a prenup because they said its like putting a bad omen on the marriage. If that’s the case does getting a car insurance agreement mean you’re putting a bad omen on your car? Does getting a health insurance agreement mean you’re putting a bad omen on your body? No of course not!  These agreements are simply meant to protect the things you care about the most in case something less than positive happens.

What if I can’t afford a prenup?

The days when you needed some $500 an hour lawyer to get a prenup are long gone. Nowadays, there are much cheaper options to get a prenup.  Chances are good if you’re broke you don’t need a complex custom prenup.  You can get Pre-Made Prenup Forms for under $40. If you don’t have $40 you shouldn’t be getting married in the first place. Therefore there’s simply no excuse not to get a prenup even if you’re broke!

What if I’m already married?

Not to worry you can get a postnuptial agreement as well. also has a pre-made post-nuptial agreement form. The reason I like them is because all their forms are made by licensed attorneies and are very affordable. These are good if there are significant financial post nuptial changes like an inheritance or an adoption that occur. Please keep in mind though not all states allow post-nuptial agreements.  Just like prenups post-nuptial agreements have to follow similar guidelines:

  1. They must be in writing (oral promises of this kind are always unenforceable);
  2. They must be executed voluntarily;
  3. They must be done with full and/or fair disclosure at the time of execution;
  4. They must not be unconscionable; and
  5. They must be executed (signed) by both parties.

Marriage is serious!

I hope with this article that not only have I convinced you to get a prenup but that marriage is serious and not to be taken lightly. Marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond between two people and God that you will do your best to be together for the rest of your lives. Please remember that prior to saying “I do”.

With that good luck and happy marriage!


  1. Pre-Made Prenup Forms 
Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

Dating for Spiritual and Romantic Growth- Basic Christian Dating Principles

As Christians, we take pride in living to the highest standards we know-that is, living how Christ would want us to live. The hard thing is that we live in a world that seeks to go against the principles and values we hold so dear. This is especially true when it comes to dating and getting to know romantic partners that you’d like to interact with on a more personal basis.

Dating is not something to be taken lightly! While God wants us to have fun and take joy in the wonderful people He has put into our lives, we must remember that what seems like a fun date today could be the marriage you seek a few years from now.

And marriage is one of the most joyous and rewarding unions two people in love can enter. Creating a strong and stable foundation for marriage means that you should know how to date the right way, so you are ready to be the best husband or wife you can be.

Please gather around as we discuss eight Biblical dating principles that will lend you assurance, confidence and a good spiritual mindset as you seek that special individual who will share their life with you!

Make Sure You Are Right with God

God is the one you should make sure you are committed to first. He should be the relationship you seek to grow and foster before above all others. It may sound a little bit of an old-school concept, but this is the only way you can guarantee a joyful, fruitful and spiritually fulfilling marriage. Too many people end up in divorce or in a state of heartbreak because God was not first.

Make sure that you are baptized and do this before you seek a partner. This makes the Holy Spirit available for you and making decisions that could alter or change your life are best done when you have the Holy Spirit to guide you.

Be sure that the person you are interested in is also baptised. Think of it this way: if the one you would like to date is someone who has not pledged his or her life to God by way of baptism, how can you be certain that person will be committed to you?

2. Avoid Immoral Sexual Choices

In our society today, sex is everywhere. It is normal, natural and healthy to engage in sexual intercourse, but it certainly does not need to happen before marriage takes place.

Sexuality is important, but one does not need to have sex first to determine if they are compatible with another. This is a teaching that is better off not being acted upon- Christians should oppose such an idea.

It is normal and very understandable that someone you are dating makes you have sexual thoughts or urges. Temptation is very real, and we’ve all been there-it is a strong emotion for sure!

However, we must exercise caution so as to not commit fornication and engage in sex before marriage. As the Bible says, do what you can do avoid such a behavior. After all, the right person can and will wait for you!

Use your good judgment and act as God would want you to when faced with such thoughts. Pursue purity, and you will feel much happier!

3. Avoid Places Where Evil Can Grow

Do not go to places that are isolated, secluded, or otherwise dark. It is in places like this that temptation is liable to creep in when you least want it to, and things could happen that you will likely regret down the road. Go to places that are well-lit and free from darkness, or date with a friend or chaperone if you feel that you need some help keeping things pure.

4. Patience is a Virtue

I had a buddy once who was looking tirelessly for a mate. This guy had it all-great relationship with God and active in his church, new truck, and a good job as an office manager.

But he just kept on looking and looking, asking plenty of young ladies out on dates. He wasn’t getting a response. Finally, I had to tell him, “Bud, you are trying too hard!”

And wouldn’t you know it, one month after he stopped looking, he met up with a great woman after casually checking his eHarmony profile one day. They met for coffee, shared some laughs, and did it all again two days later. They’ve been going strong for a few months now!

My point is that we have to let time reveal what it wants for us. Don’t rush into relationships just because you are infatuated or feeling “puppy love”. Solomon says not to awaken love until it is ready!

We must be ready emotionally, financially, and physically for dating-and above all else-right with God before dates happen. Take your time, it’s not a race!

5. Women: With All Purity

Men, this is for us. Please treat women with respect and dignity. Every woman is a child of God. She is somebody’s mother, sister, friend or daughter. We must protect them at all costs-women are the beautiful creations of God who make us men balanced and whole and provide us with beautiful children we can raise in God’s image.

Related: How to Find a Christian Wife God’s Way

They are the rocks on which we can hold when things get rough. Therefore, do not engage in acts which defile women. You are taking something that does not belong to you. Respect her and her values-after all, every one of us desires a mate that is pure and waited just for us.

6. Do Not Date to Convert

It can be so exciting to lead someone new to the light of God and the teachings of Christ. After all, I can attest to how much clearer things became when I began living my life as God wanted me to. I naturally want to tell everybody how great it feels!

Related: How to Find a God Fearing Man

But not everybody wants to hear this. Some Christians say that dating non-believers is a good thing because they can lead them to church. This is a nice idea, but the Bible actually says otherwise. While we are to commanded to tell people about the good news it is, ultimately, God’s decision who will come to His light. It is Him that will draw people to the church. It is our duty to be a beacon and live as our Creator says we should.

Christians who have tried to convert their partner mostly find that the conversion was done for the sake of the relationship, and that their partner goes back to their old ways rather quickly.

7. Think Ahead: Date with Marriage on the Mind

Are you dating with marriage on the mind? Or, are you dating just for the sole purpose of having a good time, seeking somebody you can hug, hold, kiss or even go further with? If you’re dating to have fun-simply for the heck of it-then you are missing out on exclusively dating.

Having the wrong intention and motivation as to why you are dating are a recipe for disaster. Eventually, the curtain will come falling down and the true intentions are revealed. It’s as if you walked in to a job boasting a resume loaded with qualifications…but you really didn’t have the ability to do any of the things on your resume. Eventually, the jig would be up, and you’d move on to find a new job. Nobody wants to do that-or date forever before finding the right one!

Make it easy on yourself and date with a purpose. It is not likely that you’re gonna find the right one immediately. Dating gives you the chance to know more about somebody. The point is that you should date because you care about getting into a serious relationship that leads to marriage.

Cohabitation, casual sex and the like are not the way to happiness. Real satisfaction comes from taking on the challenge of marriage and the day to day problems you solve, coming out stronger as a couple.

In Closing

We will close with a verse from 1 John 4:18:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

By making sure that you follow principles that align with your Christian principles, you need not fear a thing. You might be wondering where you can find like-minded Christians like yourself! I personally love eHarmony. I felt inspired by my friend’s success story and have decided to try it out for myself. So far, I have a few good matches lined up, and I can be very clear about my beliefs.

Keep your head up and remember to walk by faith, not by sight. God has a plan for you, so you simply need to be the best you can be in all you do, and He will make sure you find the right partner. Date with Christian principles in mind, and your experience will be fun and exciting. Good luck and enjoy meeting like-minded followers and worshipers!

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Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

Should a Christian Marry a Catholic? Here’s What You Need to Know?

You’ve finally met someone you’re compatible with. You’re on the same page insofar as goals and values but there’s one thing that’s been gnawing at you. They’re Catholic and you’re a Protestant. Is it okay for a Christian to marry a Catholic? Read more to find out.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

2 Corinthians 6:14-18

Catholics are Christians!

The criteria for being a Christian is whether or not you believe Jesus Christ is the son of God and that he died for our sins. Yup, that’s it. Since Catholics do believe that Jesus is the son of God and that he died for our sins that means they are believers.

Should we date Catholics?

Now onto the more important question of whether or not you should marry a Catholic. To answer this question we need to do a brief history lesson. The Protestant movement began as a protest against the practices of the Roman Catholic church. Hence the word protestant I’m sure we all learned about Martin Luther who nailed the famous Ninety-Five Theses to the door of the All Saints Church in Wittenburg Germany. This was a protest to the Catholic Church’s selling of indulgences to raise funds.

While Christians it’s important to understand there are some very real differences between Catholicism and Protestantism.

  1. We don’t believe in saints as this is a form of idolatry. One of the core beliefs of Protestantism is that all men are created equal in the eyes of the Lord. While pastors are selected by God He does not hold any clergymen to a higher regard. The only distinction He makes between human beings is believers vs non-believers
  2. We don’t believe that pastors should be celibate. In fact, I personally think it is better for a pastor to have a family that way he can show by example the proper way to rear a Godly family.
  3. We have no Pope. Understand that the Pope is not just the Catholic equivalent to a CEO of a large organization. To many Catholics the Pope is infallible and almost a demigod to be worshiped
  4. We believe that the Bible is the only valid word of God and we don’t need any other tradition or book. Catholics, on the other hand, are more similar to Muslims where they are more based on traditions and even have two different versions of the Bible.

Catholic and Christian Dating Success Tips

While technically not a problem under the Biblical scripture if you insist on dating a Catholic understand that as Christians we are dating to marry not just to date. Therefore if you do insist on dating a Catholic please follow these tips:

  1. Make sure there is a clear and complete understanding that the children will be raised in the Christian church and follow Christian principles–specifically Protestant principles
  2. Ask your partner how open they are to be baptized in a protestant church
  3. Make sure he/she doesn’t expect you to indulge in any of their Catholic traditions such as Pope and Saint worship. Your partner should know that in your eyes Mary is a woman just as your mother is a woman. While Mary did indeed conceive of Jesus’ flesh it is God and God alone who is both the mother and the father of our savior Jesus Christ.

Dating is tough for Christians these days which is why I wouldn’t suggest to anyone to break up with someone with good values and morals because they happen to identify as Catholic. That being said your best bet is to avoid these hard discussions in the first place and date someone who’s faith is truly congruent to yours. There are many great Christian dating sites where you can find a match that shares your faith. I’ve created a comparison for your reading pleasure.

If you need more help to find a Godly partner then you should read my articles on what to look for and how to get a Godly life companion.

Related Articles:

How to Find a Christian Wife God’s Way

How to Tell if a Christian Guy Likes You

Why Waitng on God for a Spouse is a REALLY Bad Idea

Should a Christian Woman Pursue a Man?