Many Christian sisters ask me if it’s okay for a woman to pursue a man. The question is understandable given the images we see of worldly women going after the men that they like. But remember the world’s way is not God’s way. I strongly advise Christian women not to pursue men. Christians tend to be old school and the old school says a man should pursue a woman (Proverbs 18:22 says it too). So many Christian men might perceive being pursued by a woman as a sign of thirst or worse that’s she’s easy!
A young lady I was counseling asked me six years ago if she should pursue a young man that she really liked. I told her she could send signals that she was interested but she should let him pursue her if he’s interested. She kept calling back with excuses like “but maybe he’s just shy!” or “it’s the modern era now!”. Finally, I told her:
Denise [not her real name], I’ve already advised you on what you should do. Women should not pursue men no matter what the world tells you is okay. God set things up the way he did because he knew what was best for us. However, It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind with what you want to do and I can’t stop you.
She went on and pursued him and they began a relationship and she was so happy at first. She even made veiled gloats towards me when she saw me at church and made sure to tell me they were talking about marriage. When they got engaged and seemed so happy I even took a step back and asked God if I was telling young women the right thing by advising them not to pursue men.
Then about 6 months later she became ill like she never had been before. It went away and she just figured she had a bad flu. However, lesions began to appear on her skin. She went to the doctor and they drew some blood. One week later the doctor called her into his office, sat her down, and informed her she was HIV positive. The news got worse. The doctor said she had scarring in her uterus and it may never be able to support an egg. In other words, she was possibly infertile.
Turns out her lover was a secret homosexual and would sneak around with men one or two weekends a month. He only went out with her as a cover from his family and was never going to marry her. He got the virus and transmitted it to her. I say this only to let you know that every time we violate God’s law because we think we know better there are always unforeseen consequences.
If a guy likes you he will pursue you in one way or another. Read my article on signs a guy likes you.
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