Are you new to Christian dating? Or maybe if you have a lot of experience in Christian dating and are finally ready to settle down? Either way, many guys want to know how to be a good boyfriend.
So many of the Christian advice blogs out there focus on getting a girlfriend but very few talk about how to keep a woman. Very rarely do relationships end due solely to the actions of one person, and Christian relationships are no different. Relationships fail for all sorts of reasons but it’s almost never pleasant.
How to Be A Good Christian Boyfriend
If you want to get and keep your girl here’s how to be a good Christian boyfriend.
- Give her a chance
- Understand the difference between being loved and loving someone
- Be patient
- Be forgiving
- Honesty is the best policy
- Know what you want
- Be a good listener
- Pray for her
Godly Relationship Advice
Before we get into how to be a good Christian boyfriend let me say that the Bible doesn’t mention dating, not even once. I believe that is because dating is meant to be merely a transition between our season of singleness to our season of marriage. As Christians, the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry. So by being a good Christian boyfriend, you will show her that you can be a good Christian Husband.
Why can’t we just play the field and settle down when we find someone we like?
Many brothers in Christ ask this question and it’s understandable but let us first be honest about the roots of this question. Do you seriously expect to date multiple women for years and even decades but never have sex? Or is that the point? The worldly male desire to spread his seed among many females. Collect & select or ‘dating around’ is what those who have succumbed to their bodily desires do. Now that’s not to say that you should just settle down for the first girl you meet but truthfully speaking if you date with the intention to marry you will naturally select the right woman for you sooner rather than later.
When I was single I dated women for their bodies and justified it in my mind as ‘making sure I got the right one’. The truth is I had no intention of settling down for most of the girls I was dating. Once I accepted Christ back into my life I immediately stopped seeing women as objects and started meeting women who were serious about their faiths.
Give Her A Chance
Sometimes God sends us gifts wrapped in plain paper. Maybe a girl who messages you isn’t what trips your trigger necessarily, but that doesn’t mean she couldn’t be a great girlfriend or wife.
The reason this will help you to be a good boyfriend is that once you learn that a relationship isn’t like Burger King, you can’t always have it your way, then you’ll be better at conflict resolution. Almost all relationships will have conflicts at some point. If you want yours to last then you need to have good conflict resolution skills.
Understand The Difference Between Love and Being Loved
The reason many relationships fail is because a lot of us don’t understand what it means to be a long term relationship and/or marriage. You see, most of us enter into a relationship because we want to be loved but few us understand what it means to actually love someone else. Loving someone else means that you put their needs above yours. This means before entering into a relationship you should try to assess what her needs truly are and to accommodate them to the best of your ability.
Too often we’ll enter into a relationship because she looked great in a bikini. It’s not until further down the road that we realize that attacked to that great body a human being with needs, wants, quirks, and desires. That’s why it is so important not to enter into a relationship too quickly which is actually my next point.
Patience is a Virtue
A relationship is not something you should rush into; it takes time to develop. Be patient with yourself in getting to know the other person. You also need to be patient with that other person as well. We’ve already talked about the dangers of rushing into a relationship but even within a relationship patience is a must.
As serious Christians on fire for God, our numbers are getting smaller and smaller every year in America. That means we have fewer and fewer partners to choose from if want a woman who’s on fire for God. This means our relationships take more effort to make work than a worldly one due to the smaller dating pool and Godly dating restrictions.
Ask almost anyone who’s been married for more than 5 years and they’ll tell you one of the most important things to keeping a marriage intact is the ability to forgive. We all make mistakes, even ourselves. When others hurt you, most of the time it is not intentional. Forgiveness is a gift you not only give to others but a gift you give to yourself. Now that you have that gift, the question becomes what will you do with it?
By the way, forgiveness isn’t just saying you forgive the person but keeping a mental tally of her misdeeds ready for the next fight. When you forgive someone the record is wiped clean. You shouldn’t use it against her again.
Be Kind & Honest
Kindness is the expression of humility that coincides with compassion, especially when it’s to those who are not kind to you. It is sometimes a hard thing to do but very much needed. That being said you still need to be honest. Just holding something inside is not a good thing. It will often boil over and you’ll act out in ways you’ll regret. If you want to maintain a relationship you should be honest with your girlfriend.
You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married
Your relationship is not an applause line. Guys, please understand that relationships are not about being right and seeing who can gain more power over the other. They’re about working together to come up with solutions that are acceptable to both sides. Just remember if you tell your girlfriend ‘my way or the highway’ and she dumps you, your friends may give you proverbial accolades but once the sun sets you’ll still be single.
Also, will those friends be there to take care of you when you’re sick? Will they still be around when you’re old and decrepit? A good woman that has demonstrated a willingness to work with you on difficult issues probably will stick around, While those friends who always advise you to cut and run at the first sign of trouble probably won’t.
Be a Good Listener
Part of fulfilling your partner’s needs is listening to what those needs actually are. I have always thought that “We hear with our ears, but we listen with our hearts.” Listening is crucial in every relationship that we have. This means that we need to be silent and let the other person speak. It also means that we ask good questions in order to present an opportunity to learn about that other person.
Know What You Want
The last but most important thing to being a good boyfriend is to make sure you know what you want in a relationship. Do you really want a relationship or more so just a friend with benefits? If you want a real long term relationship that will lead to marriage do you understand how much work real relationships take? Often times we say that we know what we want but in reality that takes time and maturity to understand what our true needs are.
Related: Best Dating Sites for Christian Guys
Pray For Her
Did you know that guys that pray for their girlfriends and wives are less likely to cheat (source)? Too often we Christians take prayer for granted but prayer is an essential part of our lives. Remember I talked about putting her needs above yours? Some guys interpret that to mean give her money when in fact putting her needs first can be accomplished in part by simply praying for her every night. Ask God to watch over her and protect her. Remember God listens to all of our prayers.
Bonus Tip: Surprise Her
Girls love a guy who can surprise them. In order to prevent your relationship from becoming monotomous and borning spice things up by surprising her every once in a while. An unexpected gift or group trip is a great way to make her happy and satisfied. A thoughtful gift will really show her that you were listening to her and that you really care about her.
If you want to be a good Christian boyfriend just try your best. There is no recipe to make the perfect boyfriend. If your girl sees you are making a real effort to be the best boyfriend you can be, she will appreciate it and reciprocate.
I like to think that we learn something new every single day. Relationships are about learning and growing together. Once you learn how to grow with your partner you’ll not only be a good boyfriend but a great husband as well. If you want more information read my article on how to know your girlfriend is marriage material.