How to Know if a Man is Marrying You for Citizenship

Scenario 1: You’ve been searching and waiting for a good husband but he just hasn’t come into your life yet. . Then all the sudden this most handsome man shows interest in you. He says he finds you so beautiful and wants to be your life companion!. Better still he’s a doctor or some other sort of professional. You begin to feel so happy. You think ‘is this the one God has sent to me? But then you find out something. He’s not a citizen! Even worse his visa is about to expire. You don’t like to judge people but you can’t help but wonder if his intentions are sincere.

Scenario 2: You’re in a singles group on social media and all the sudden this really attractive male messages you. His profile says he’s from New York City but you find out he’s really from a developing country. He’s so charming and seems to have just the right values that you’re looking for but you can’t help but wondering what his true intentions are.

Related: Why Waiting on God for a Spouse is a ‘Really’ Bad Idea

Many men and women want to know what are the signs you are being used for a visa.  You are right to worry and I’d advise you to never marry anyone until you feel absolutely sure they are legitimate and truly have your best interests at heart. The good news is there are ways to know for sure.

Look for these signs that he only wants a green card:

  1. Just doesn’t do the things that someone in love would do. People in love call often, will want their circle of friends and family to meet you, just want you around them as much as possible. Many victims report that their partner never spent that much time with them but always had clever excuses as to why not. There’s no excuse for someone in love to not make every effort to spend as much time as possible with you. Yes, we have jobs, school, and church etc but with text messaging and cell phones, there’s no good reason you should go for days without hearing from your partner. It takes 30 seconds to send a text message for goodness sake!
  2. Professes love too quickly and is rushing marriage. Victims will say that he/she told me they loved me as they’ve never loved anyone before very quickly. Afterwards, he proposed spending a life together after just a few weeks.
  3. You catch him in lies or you find inconsistencies in his stories. Ask him where he was last Monday on Wednesday and then ask him again where he was last Monday the following week. One week he may say Julia is his aunt and the next week Julia is his cousin.
  4. If he’s a man and you never see lust or desire in his eyes something’s seriously wrong. Yes, there are a few men that want to remain chaste until marriage but come on. You should still see some sort of desire in his eyes. This is the modern era and most foreign men regard American/European girls as ‘easy’ which is why you see native guys going after foreign tourist girls. One victim’s report I read stated that she would have to basically threaten to end the relationship in order to get the guy to sleep with her. If he drinks prior to intimacy with you that’s another bad sign.
  5. His family treats you with indifference or flat out shows resentment towards you. Any loving family wants to know the person their family member is going to marry very well since marriage is integration into the said family. Also, in most developing nations family is very important. Rest assured, he cares very much what his family thinks of his partner choices. If his family doesn’t like you, or shows resentment, and/or just doesn’t seem interested in getting to know you that well its because they already know that you are nothing more than a means to an end.

Another little way you can tell if he just wants a green card is to tell him in the most serious tone that you can that if he tries to divorce you after he gains citizenship that you’ll make sure the divorce is as long and as painful as possible. If he reacts nervously then you might have a green card scammer on your hands.

Your biggest weapon against a green card scammer is time.

People reveal their true selves eventually. Unless you have terminal cancer there’s no reason to not wait him out. Most scammers will give up pretty quickly once you make it clear that you’re not interested in getting married right away and want to build a true and strong relationship. A few will hang on but with more time they too will give up and move on to easier prey.

There’s no real way to tell 100%. Some of these foreigners are just so desperate and good actors that they will stop at nothing to get what they want–in this case that coveted green card. We all know someone or know someone that knows someone that was duped by a foreigner for a green card. The best way is to simply evaluate how much of an incentive he has to be deceitful. In the above scenario, the guy’s livelihood was at stake. That creates a huge incentive to deceive someone. I would never marry someone in scenario 1 until he got his visa situation  straightened out.

Don’t be afraid to talk to him

If you are truly concerned why not just talk to him about it? Let him know you’ve been reading a lot of stories about women who got duped for citizenship. Let him know that you’re afraid of that happening to you. If he reacts negatively and tries to make you feel guilty for your legitimate concerns then you’ve most likely got a green card scammer on your hands. A truly loving and rational partner should understand you as many people from developing nations will do whatever it takes to come here.

After you’ve talked to him you should gauge his reaction. Just remember that talk is cheap! If all he does is say ‘Oh no baby I’m not like them” but still goes on like he has been then that’s not good but if you see him doing things and making the effort to console your fears–for example introducing you to his mother and spending more time with you–then that increases the chances that you’ve got a legitimate lover.

Where did you meet him?

If you are single and looking online for love I’ve found one of the best ways to weed out creeps, scammers, and those who aren’t really serious is to go on a paid dating site. Ever heard the saying ‘put your money where your mouth is”? If someone is willing and able to pay to join a dating site that is a great sign that they are serious and that they have a stable income. Guys with stable jobs are much less likely to be a green card scammer.

 

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