I remember speaking to a buddy that was having a hard time with the girls back home. The ones he was interested in weren’t interested in dating him, and the ones that liked him were too old for his liking. That’s why I, and his parents, suggested looking to the Philippines to date because he was looking for a good girl with traditional values but under 40.
He asked me when dating a Filipina what to expect?
- Vast cultural differences
- Expect to send money
- Expect to fall in love quickly
- They may not be so straightforward with their feelings
- You can expect to be loved as you’ve never been loved before
I told him that first of all you need to understand that even though most Filipinas speak English, there are still vast cultural differences. Expect to send money and that you need to take your time. Also, expect them to fall for you pretty quickly, and they may not be so straightforward as American women about their feelings. Best of all you can expect to be loved as you’ve never been loved before.
Expect Cultural Differences
A lot of guys look for a girl or go to The Philippines thinking it’s like going to a cheaper version of Hawaii. It’s understandable to feel this way. The Philippines was a colony of Spain, The US, and for a brief moment even Great Britain! Most Filipinos speak English and are friendly. But nothing could be further from the truth. The Philippines is on the other side of the world from the US, and many of their customs will also feel that way.
A big difference that many western men encounter is the concept of ‘tampo.’ Filipinas are often reluctant to express their grievances directly, so they will do what’s called ‘making tampo.’ That is they will withdraw and begin acting differently. You can tell she’s upset about something, but when you ask what’s the matter, she’ll deny there’s a problem but continue her withdrawal. You’ll be left to guess what her main issue is and then once you get it right, she’ll discuss it. It’s a passive aggressive punishment for slighting her.
How long it lasts depends on the individual. Sometimes tampo can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days (in most cases), or even a few weeks if she’s a real head case or you did something horrible.
Also, the Filipino concept of time can be quite different. Often when a Filipina gives a particular time for her arrival to a place, it’s usually a suggestion and not an exact time. It’s not a social faux pas in The Philippines to be 15 minutes late, or more!
Guys also need to understand that virginity is still a thing in The Philippines. Many younger guys that are used to dating liberated western girls are in for a shock when they don’t get any after the 2nd or 3rd date. Now don’t get me wrong sex is readily available in The Philippines but if you are looking for a wholesome, take-home-to-mom, type of girl don’t expect her to put out right away. That’s what you should be looking for. A girl that puts out right away is often a scammer or way too westernized to have the traditional values I alluded to before. It’s not uncommon for country girls in The Philippines to be virgins until they are married.
Her family is going to be a very important part of her life. Unlike some western women who constantly denigrate and vilify their parents, especially their mothers, Filipinas love both of their parents and will do anything to help them. That means if you are with her for an extended period expect her to send money back to her family. This will happen even if you tell her that the dad is just using it to buy beer and prostitutes or if her juvenile delinquent brother is giving it to the next girl that he wants to sleep with. It just won’t matter. She’ll say ‘I know but what can I do?’ and keep right on sending it.
On that note expect her family to want money from you. I’ve seen cases where a guy is supporting his girl’s entire family. You don’t need to do that. That saying of ‘when you marry a Filipina you’re marrying her entire family’ is nonsense. Yes, the family will be part of your life, but you are under no moral or cultural obligation to support them. That’s why it’s so important you look for a good girl with a good family. Typically the women a little closer to your age will not expect you to support her family. It’s the chicken chasers that are dating 19-year-olds that end up taking care of the entire family.
Expect to Send Money
Unless you’re dating a girl from the highest echelons of Philippine society, you should expect a request for money at some point. Whether its direct or indirect depends on the girl. I know many guys object to sending money, and you don’t want to be scammed but think about it. If you are dating a girl back home, you’ll also pay whether it’s going to the movies and dinner every Friday night or maybe she runs into some sort of financial jam. If you’re a man love costs money no matter what. The difference is it’s a lot cheaper in The Philippines than dating a woman back home. I don’t recommend sending one penny before the 3-month mark, though.
One tip I like to suggest to men who are not sure if she’s a scammer is to send a gift instead of money. You can go to Lazada.com and send her a teddy bear. It’ll cost you $10usd, and if she lives in Manila, the delivery is often free. Then wait to see if she makes a move afterward. For example, after you’ve sent the bear wait and see if she starts blathering on and on about her financial woes or some other implicit indications that she wants money. If she does, you know you’ve got a scammer on your hands.
Related: Signs She Just Wants a Green Card
Expect to Pay for Dinner For Three
Don’t be dismayed if she asks to take a cousin or brother on your first date. A girl from a good family won’t want to go out with a man she doesn’t know by herself. You’ll have to earn her trust which means on the first few dates you’ll be paying for dinner for three. That’s a good sign. Families that allow their young daughters to go out with just any guy by herself are often up to no good. Trust me; you don’t want a girl that’s dating you because she has to or needs to. You want a girl that’s dating you because she wants to.
Filipinos are passionate, and that goes for their love lives as well. It’s not uncommon to start feeling her getting attached to you after only a couple of weeks of chatting and video calls. Now, if she’s declaring love after the first or second conversation, she’s most likely a scammer but if you’ve been having some good in-depth discussions after a few weeks don’t be alarmed if she starts showing the signs she likes you. That is why as a man it’s essential you set the boundaries in the beginning that you’re not ready to get anything serious until you meet her in person. This will prevent a lot of hurt feelings on both sides.
Related: Signs a Filipina Likes You
Expect Her to Want Kids
If you’re planning on dating a girl in her 20s, then understand that having children is very much on her mind. This isn’t a problem for some of the younger guys but if you’re in your 50’s, 60’s, & beyond that’s something you need to be cognizant of. If you are happily retired, then consider dating an older girl in her 40’s than a 21-year old.
Expect Her to Love Videoke
Videoke (karaoke on a television screen) is the favorite pass time of The Philippines. They love to sing, even if they’re not good at it. That means you can expect her to sing and have videoke parties at her (your) place. Any birthday, graduation, anniversaries, or just any get-together will involve videoke. This can work to your favor if you can sing because that is a great way to woo a Filipina into your arms.
Expect to Dig Through a lot of Dirt to Get to The Gold
Sometimes guys that look into dating Filipinas get the wrong idea when they’re first starting out the process to find a suitable wife. That’s understandable given how many girls will throw themselves at you as soon as you sign up for a dating site. The truth is dating Filipinas can be an arduous process. Why? Because you’re going to have to dig through a lot of dirt to get to any gold. Initially, almost all of the girls that approach you will be ‘second hand.’ What I mean is simply put they will be girls that the Filipino men don’t want.
Some examples include girls with multiple children from multiple men, girls with no education, bar girls, and girls with no job or a crappy job like a security guard or a street sweeper.
Now some guys don’t mind that. My cousin is married to a mall girl from Thailand, and they’ve been together for many years now, quite happily I might add. But if you’re looking for a higher end girl you’re going to have to do a lot of weeding to get to a good one. A shortcut is Christian Filipina where they do all of that for you. You can find out more here. But otherwise, get your shovel out.
Expect to Be Loved Like Never Before
Guys that have never dated a Filipina before often ask why they should bother with all the scammers and tampo nonsense that they have to deal with. One day when the same buddy as before was dating his girlfriend, he was working at home on the computer. Being a total nerd, he couldn’t care less about his appearance. While he was working, he told his girlfriend he was going to the store to buy something. She told him he wasn’t going anywhere. When he asked why she said because his shirt was wrinkled and there was no way she was going to let the neighbors see him like that. At first, he laughed but then saw she was serious when she stuck out her hand to give her the shirt. He gave it to her, and she ironed it. Only then did she let him go out.
That’s why western men marry Filipinas. An American girl probably would’ve felt too ’empowered’ to iron her man’s clothes. Filipinas will go out of their way to please their husbands so long as you treat them right. Many Christian brothers who date Filipinas come back to me and say they never realized how good love could be until they married a Filipina. The traditional values and the respect for age set Filipinas far apart from many western women.