Many Christian brothers & sisters have asked me is it a sin to cuddle with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Like many things related to Christ and living a righteous life the answer is simple but complicated.
The simple answer
Is cuddling a sin? No. If we look at Genesis 45:14-15 and Luke 14:20 the Bible mentions hugging, between those of the same gender. There’s nothing in the Bible that says cuddling in and of itself is a sin. However, we must look deeper to see how the Word intends for us to live our lives.
Related: Five Prayers to Find a Godly Wife
Should Christians cuddle before marriage?
In high school, I had a friend that began using crystal meth. He said he needed it to concentrate but his parents wouldn’t get him Adderall. He was adamant that it was just for concentration for his ADHD and even showed some articles he got from Google to demonstrate the similarities between Adderall and street meth. This, of course, was to justify how it would help him concentrate. Despite all of our advice, he chose to begin using. At first, he did use it in moderation and his concentration did improve. Then he began going further and further. Four years later he had meth mouth and was living on the street.
What does the bible say about cuddling?
We often try to convince ourselves to go against God by doing small things. While cuddling in itself isn’t a sin it’s not something we should be doing. While there are no degrees of sin the Word seems to put a heavy emphasis on sexual propriety. This makes sense seeing as the drive to have sex is one of the biggest urges we have as human beings.
Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
Notice the word flee. That’s a serious word. It’s one thing to avoid something but to flee from something is very serious. When was the last time you fled from something? If you’ve ever fled from something was it because it was a serious threat? Jesus is trying to convey to us the seriousness of resisting our corporeal desires. It turns out that the son of God knew what he was talking about.
Fast Facts on STDs in America
- Chlamydia│1.7 million cases; 22% increase since 2013
- Gonorrhea│ 555,608 cases; 67% increase since 2013
- Primary and Secondary Syphilis│30,644 cases; 76% increase since 2013
- Congenital Syphilis│918 cases; 154% increase since 2013
Figure W. Primary and Secondary Syphilis — Reported Cases* by Sex, Sexual Behavior, Race, and Hispanic Ethnicity, United States, 2017
Often times many of us with degrees think that we know more than God and that we know better than God. People with fancy degrees say that it’s okay to give in to our urges and desires. As a degree holder myself I know enough to understand how much I don’t know and that no degree comes close to divine wisdom.
Cuddling leads to kissing which leads to petting which leads to sex. Just like my friend and meth. It started off as an innocent desire to concentrate but it led to a path of destruction.
Do Christians really have to wait until marriage?
Nowadays there are many Christians that try to justify their behavior. I’ve seen several articles and posts on Christian forums that say that sex before marriage is okay so long as you’re in a committed relationship. I agree with that. A committed relationship being marriage. If you’re so committed to this person that you want to have sex then why aren’t you committed enough to marry them? If you’re not ready to marry them then what makes you think you’re ready for sex?
The summation of these arguments are usually as follows:
- “Oh the Bible says this but what it ‘really’ means is that”
- “That was meant for ‘back then’ OR those verses were written for a different time”
- “people got married younger back then so God meant for them to wait but now we get married later so it’s okay” (this is a variation of the ‘back then’ argument)
First of all, God’s word is eternal. It was meant for the past, the present, and the future. I seriously question whether someone who uses a ‘back then’ argument truly does have Jesus in their hearts. Did the son of God not know that times change? Second, if God really was okay with certain lifestyles then why do those who practice them have so many problems?
Did you see the bar graph above? MSM stands for Men who Sleep with Men and they have, by far, the highest rates of sexually transmitted diseases in America. Despite the fact that gay men make up just 2% of the population they take the lion’s share of HIV cases (70%), syphilis, and other STDs.
In Africa despite being the capital for the HIV virus the Muslim population, which also has strict rules on sexual propriety [adultry is punishable by death in Islam], has significantly lower rates of HIV in their communities according to the National Institutes of Health.
Have you also noticed you see people trying their hardest to justify the sins that they can’t live up to? The Bible says not to murder or commit adultery and I don’t see a plethora of blog articles trying to justify either those things.
How to avoid sin
As a man let me tell you that I know it’s tough to wait. It’s downright hard frankly. But for those of us who chose to walk in the path of Christ we must do our best. That’s why I’ve provided these Christian tips to avoid sexual sin:
- Avoid being alone with your girlfriend or boyfriend
- Try not to date the same person longer than a year
- Date with the intention to marry
- Set boundaries at the beginning of your relationship
- Date someone that is serious about their faith–how I met my wife
Related: Good Godly Dating Advice