A brother came into my office one day a bit perturbed. I asked what the problem was and he said there wasn’t much good dating advice for Christian guys out there. I was a bit shocked because I always figured there was plenty. But when I looked all I saw was hard rules and stipulations on what not to do but not much affirming information on how a Christian man can find a good wife.
The core things that a Christian man searching for a wife should know are:
- Only date other believers
- Date with the intention to marry
- It is never too soon to marry the right person
- Be a godly boyfriend by living with honor & integrity
- Don’t give up!
- Ask what would Jesus do?
Related: Dating for Spiritual and Romantic Growth
The Cornerstone of Godly Dating
The 1st piece of advice comes in the form of a bible verse: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14). Seriously, if you choose someone that is an unbeliever the relationship almost is doomed to be ungodly. Why? Because he or she will have the entire wicked world on their side.
The 2nd piece of advice is this: Always date to marry and never date just to date.
As Christians we must align our lives with the teachings of Christ as much as possible. If we date just to date our chances of giving in to our bodily temptations increase exponentially. Remember Jesus told us that even looking at a woman with lust a sin against God (Matthew 5:28). Therefore it is important that we try to marry as young as is practical. God doesn’t hate sex. He loves sex and wants us to enjoy our bodies and our partners–just in the right way. Just as gluttony being a sin doesn’t mean God hates eating; the prohibition of sex before marriage doesn’t mean God merely tolerates physical pleasure. God made woman to satisfy man and God made man to satisfy woman.
Collect & Select is Not Biblical
Why can’t we just play the field and settle down when we find someone we like?
Many brothers in Christ ask this question and its understandable but let us first be honest about the roots of this question. Do you seriously expect to date multiple women for years and even decades but never have sex? Or is that the point? The worldly male desire to spread his seed among many females. Collect & select or ‘dating around’ is what those who have succumb to their bodily desires do. Not that’s not to say that you should just settle down for the first girl you meet but truthfully speaking if you date with the intention to marry you will naturally select the right woman for you sooner rather than later.
When I was single I dated women for their bodies and justified it in my mind as ‘making sure I get the right one’. The truth is I had no intention on settling down for most of the girls I was dating. Once I accepted Christ back into my life it wasn’t long before I signed up for a Christian oriented dating site and found my beautiful wife Nicole.
Related: How I Met My Wife
How to Be a Godly Boyfriend
If you truly want to be a godly boyfriend there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push her to sin with her body, respect her, and honor her etc. While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).
Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young lady. She’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with her. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there and you’re seeing her getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job as a man to put the breaks on. Yes it will hurt her temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt her a lot more if she finds out that you just settled for her.
The core of a Christ-like boyfriend and husband is to be a leader and stand with honor & integrity. Women want a man that shows strength, not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.
Next piece of advice: It’s never too soon to get married*
Many Christians struggle with the question of when is the right time to get married. I strongly believe so long as you’ve followed the biblical principles* in selecting a companion in the first place it’s never too soon to get married. In fact, I don’t advise that Christian couples date longer than a year. If after a year you’re not ready to walk down the aisle then that probably isn’t the relationship God wants for you.
Historically, people got married in their teens and early 20’s. Now people are waiting until their 30’s or even 40’s to tie the knot. Here’s why it’s best to marry as soon as possible –and no it’s not just about giving in to bodily desires.
- Scientific research has shown that a woman’s best eggs come out first. Therefore starting a family sooner rather than later means it’s less likely to produce a child with autism or Down syndrome.
- The longer you wait to marry the significantly greater chance you have at succumbing to your bodily desires. Your companion will be there to satisfy your needs once you are married.
- When you get married young it’s easier to grow together. Once you reach your 30’s and 40’s you’ve already formed your habits and traditions and its much harder to adjust to having a life companion. Whereas when you both start off young you form your habits and traditions together.
Christians follow the advice of Christ
The modern world tells you it’s better to wait as long as possible to marry. They say if you wait you won’t get divorced. If that’s true then tell me why is it that in Utah they get married younger than the rest of the nation and the state has the lowest divorce rate in the nation? Not to mention it’s also the happiest state in the union.
You see, that’s what the world doesn’t tell you. You can’t just take one biblical principle, throw it in the goulash of sin and it when doesn’t work use it to try to disprove Christ. We must put all the biblical principles together in order for the system to work like a perfectly oiled machine. People that irresponsibly date for lust and get married right away do have a higher chance of divorce. People that date with the intention of being with someone for the rest of their lives not only stay together but are happier. And yes; young adults who were raised in a responsible Godly environment are capable of making such an important decision.
What does the bible say on marrying young?
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) The world will tell you to date and hold out until nearly the last possible second to get married. That is not advisable. Remember in the beginning of this article I told you my wife and I sinned before marriage? It was because we waited more than a year to get married.
Since, as a Christian, you are dating with the intention to marry that means you’re choosing a companion that is the best for you and will help you on your walk with Christ. After one year you should know whether or not he/she is the right one for you. That’s why I recommend after one year together it’s time to have a serious discussion about the progression of the relationship.
What would Jesus do?
Jesus told us that he would always be with us. His corporeal form may be deceased but the son of God never left us. Whenever you have a question or a doubt about something imagine Jesus is standing right next to you. Do you think he would approve of what you want to do? Maybe you and your girlfriend just got into a bad argument and an attractive woman messages you on Facebook. Before you begin making excuses in your head to entertain her think about whether or not Jesus would approve. Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t have the financial status you hoped for and your handsome boss winks at you. Just as yourself “what would Jesus do”?
Don’t give up!
My final piece of advice to my Christian brothers is this. Don’t give up! I know it’s can be hard out there to find a suitable partner but just have the faith the she is out there. There’s nothing that makes me sadder than cynicism. We’ve all seen that bitter old man that is angry because he didn’t get what he wanted out of life and now he’s going to die alone. That doesn’t have to be you. The key is to never become cynical! If you had a bad break up or a girl you really liked turned you down that just means you’re one step closer to finding the right one!
