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Advice for Sisters in Christ

Signs God Wants You to Break Up With Your Boyfriend (Written by a Guy)

One of my friends called me up and said “You know Pete and I have been dating for 3 years. He says he’s happy but he won’t marry me. He’s a godly man but he keeps saying it’s not the right time yet. What do I do?”.  From my observations, I already knew the answer but I had to figure out how to tell her in a way that she would accept.

Letting Go of a Godly Man

It’s never easy letting go of someone you’ve invested so much time and energy in. Letting go of someone who isn’t a complete jerk can be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do in your life, but it’s the right thing to do. The reason being is because if you keep holding on to someone who isn’t right for you then you’re really blocking God’s blessing for you.

Will God Tell Me to Break Up With My Boyfriend?

It can be difficult to know when to let go of a relationship. First and foremost God is in control of everything including our relationships. That means it’s time to let go when God tells you it’s time to move on. Here are some solid signs God is telling you to let go of your relationship.

1. He Won’t Marry You

As Christians, the ultimate goal of any romantic relationship should be marriage. I’m not a fan of strict timelines but more often than not after a year of dating, you both should know whether or not marriage is in your futures.

If you’ve been dating a guy more than a year or longer and he won’t marry you and is constantly making excuses then it’s a sign that he thinks he can do better and is holding out for another girl to come into his life.

Maybe he keeps telling you that he wants to wait for the right time? Or worse “it’s just a piece of paper. Why do we need a piece of paper to prove our love?”. If it’s just a piece of paper then why is he running from it? If it’s just a piece of paper then he should do it for no other reason than to make you (his partner) happy.

Obviously, there are exceptions if you both are still in school or you both have made the decision it’s not the right time just yet but more often than not it’s the guy who’s dragging his feet.

Just an observation: Almost all of the happy successful Christian marriages I’ve seen the couple got married in a year or less.

Big sign it’s time to move on

A huge, gargantuan, colossal sign it may be time to move on is if he calls you his wife from time to time (especially in business conversations) but he won’t actually marry you. That means he understands the social benefits of a being married but not the commitment behind it.  Ladies, please don’t allow yourselves to be used in the way.

2. You Still Don’t Trust Them

It’s cliché because it’s true. Trust is the foundation of any relationship whether it be friends, family, or your partner if you don’t trust that person then the relationship will never work.

Provisional Trust vs. Complete Trust

There are two forms of trust: Provisional trust and Complete Trust. Provisional trust is the level of trust that we should give to most people we don’t know. This trust is the trust everyone should get for nothing more than being a child of God. It’s the blank slate to let them show how they are. Complete trust is earned through deeds and takes time. For some that trust takes months or years to earn, for others a few days or a few weeks.

If after a year or more you don’t completely trust him that’s probably a sign God wants you to go elsewhere. You know you completely trust him when you don’t feel the need to check his phone every now and then. If you can tell him your deepest secrets and not be worried he’ll use them against you in an argument or when it is convenient that means you completely trust him.

3. He Won’t Make Major Sacrifices For You

My wife and I met online and we talked for a year before we met in person (she was in The Philippines). When I told her I was coming to see her, her boss wouldn’t grant her leave request so she quit her job just to see me. That was with no guarantee that I would marry her. Once I realized how important it was for her to stay in her province to take care of her grandmother who raised her I gave up everything to move to her province just to be with her.

Those are the sort of sacrifices that you two should be willing to make for each other. The greatest pleasure in a relationship is not physical intimacy. The greatest pleasure in a relationship is derived from sacrificing yourself and your needs for the person you love.  When you truly love someone their needs should come before yours.  If you’re the one always doing the sacrificing and he just has clever excuses why he ‘can’t’ make a sacrifice for you then its time to let go.

4. He doesn’t respect you

Have you seen the movie Joy Luck Club? You really should. In of the stories Wavery Jong discovers her husband is cheating on her. She initially tries to save her marriage by being a doormat and asking him what he wants her to do to save the marriage. He just scoffs at her and moves on about his business. Finally, she tells him “this is my house. You need to get out of my house. You can leave but you won’t get my house”.  He smiles and you can see the love return to his face.

The point? He didn’t respect her which is why he took her for granted. Once she asserted herself he respected her once again.

You should never, ever, marry someone, or even be with someone, who doesn’t respect you. He’ll treat you as a doormat and once he’s done wiping his feet replace you with another one.

How to Let Go of Someone You Love

The first step to letting go is to make sure that God is the one telling you to let go. That begins with prayer. Take some time in a quiet place and make a long prayer, 15 min +,  asking Him what your next move should be.

FYI Just because he wants to spend time watching the game with his friends instead of shopping with you at the mall is not a sign from God to break it off.   I’m going to give some possible signs but the real sign God is telling you to move on is with a cool head you’ve decided that staying in this relationship would make you unhappy more than happy.

Begin the process of letting go by remembering the reason you’re doing so. If you’re hesitant just remember the reasons you’ve decided it’s time to cut him loose. Whenever you think to yourself ‘well what if he changes’ just remember all the times he said he would change yet you’re right back to where you started.

Another suggestion is to write down the reasons you broke up with him in a journal. Then whenever you have a weak moment you’ll have that to reference.

Can God Restore a Relationship?

God is in the business of restoration. It also depends on what type of relationship you’re talking about. However, I have seen God restoring relationships in my life as well as hearing about it in other peoples lives. When you pray earnestly, know that you are praying to the God that created the heavens and the earth. Know that you cannot lie to the Holy Spirit because the Holy Spirit resides in you. Pray earnestly and honestly.

Pray first for God to restore your relationship with him if there are any parts that are broken, and then pray for God to soften the other person’s heart. When God gets a hold both of you, bringing both of you together in His will is not impossible. Seek first to be in good communion with the Holy Spirit that is in you. You can be praying and praying, but make sure you are not uttering empty phrases like the Pharisees. Make sure your heart is right with God. Surrender yourself to God.

Pray earnestly and honestly

A better question to ask yourself is if God should restore this relationship? If the relationship is more toxic than good then why would you want such a thing to be restored? Asking God to restore a toxic relationship is like asking God to re-inflict you with a chronic disease.

Final Thoughts

When it comes to Christian dating there is such a thing as dating too long. While there are no strict timelines dating someone for too long is not a good thing. Namely, because you’re more likely to succumb to the temptation to sin and the fact that couples that date for years and years. Just remember co-habitation increases the likelihood you’ll become a single mother by a factor of 10 (source).

  1. The goal of any Godly relationship should be marriage. If your relationship isn’t on the path then it isn’t the one God wants you in.
  2. Co-habitation increases the chances of self motherhood tenfold
  3. There are many signs it’s time to break up with your boyfriend. I’ve only included the most solid, universal relationships in this article
  4. Any decision to break up should be preceded by prayer
  5. Three months after the breakup you’ll still feel that it was the right thing to do
  6. When you are ready to date the one God wants you to marry read my article on How to Find a Godly Man God’s Way

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Filipina Dating

How to Know Your Filipina Girlfriend Is Marriage Material

One big problem with dating Filipinas is the paradox of choice. We guys have so many options but we don’t feel there are a lot of good choices out there. The truth is there are a ton of good choices in The Philippines its just that we’ve become so jaded and picky that we don’t see what great options there are right in front of us.

That’s why I wanted to write this article to give you an idea of when she’s ‘the one’. You know it’s really sad when I meet guys that have been here for years and they’re bitter and jaded and still alone. You know the guys I’m talking about. The guys that are always insulting Filipinas in expat groups and whatnot.  I hope this list will help you determine if your Filipina is the one or not. Of course, this is something that can and should be determined by you but it is my hope that this list will be a general guideline.

First and foremost is if she hasn’t asked for money and even better if she won’t accept money.

Filipinas know their country has a reputation for gold diggers and scammers. That’s why a good girl will do everything she can to abrogate that fear in you. A decent Filipina won’t complain about her finances and her family won’t complain about their finances either. And I mean both literally and figuratively.

Some times they won’t ask for money directly but they’ll say things like ‘oh I don’t have fare to go home’ or ‘omg my family’s house needs a need roof’. Stay away from those girls because you know what she’s after.

Guys listen, you don’t need to try to buy a person here. Sometimes we’ve been socialized back home to believe that the only way to get a young beautiful woman to fall in love with us is to try to buy her. But that’s not the case here in The Philippines. Filipinas are very forgiving when it comes to age.

A good way to weed out a scammer is to offer a little bit of money such as a load or to pay for her fare. If she asks for more afterward you now she’s after money. If she accepts it but doesn’t ask for more later you’ve got a B+ girl. If she refuses to take it then you’ve hit the jackpot!

Second, are you comfortable being naked around her?

How comfortable are you walking out of the shower butt naked in front of her? If for some reason you feel embarrassed for her to see your body then you may need to spend some more time her before popping the question.

Also, how comfortable is she being naked in front of you? If she’s too scared to be naked in front of you because you may want sex with her then that’s bad. She should be 100% comfortable to be nude with you.

Which leads me to my third point is sex for her a chore?

Does she just tolerate you on top of her or can you feel that energy and excitement when you guys are in bed together? Some people say it’s shallow to break up with someone over sex but I disagree. Sex can tell you a lot about a person.

If you happen to be a Filipina reading this and you’re with a man and as soon as he finishes it’s over, your orgasm be damned then he’s probably a selfish prick. If you’re a guy and she won’t initiate and she’s as dry as the Sahara desert it’s a sign there may be some physical attraction issues.

If you’re having to practically beg her for intimacy and it’s not changing even after making a genuine attempt to make sure her needs are being met I feel that’s a legitimate reason to end the relationship.

Fourth, can you enjoy each other’s company without doing something?

Can you just chill with her in your house and enjoy the time or does there always have to be some plan in place to enjoy each other’s company? You two should be able to enjoy each other without there having to be some sort of catalyst activity involved. 

The two most important things

Does she share your values? I don’t just mean she parrots whatever you say I mean does she truly share your core values? Are you both spenders or savers? Are you both of the same faith? Can you talk to her without a filter?


Lastly, Do you want the same things in life? If she’s a young woman chances are high she’s going to want kids. Are you ready to go through child rearing again? If you want to go back to your country is she on board with that or does she not want to leave her family behind in The Philippines. When I was dating I had a relationship break up over this very thing. That’s really important and you need to discuss that when you first get together. Don’t think that ‘oh so long as we love each other those things will work themselves out’. I got very hurt thinking that way. 

My Final Thought

If you have doubts you should not get married. Marriage is not a joke and it’s not to be taken lightly. It’s a promise to her and to God that you will be with this person forever and ever. Don’t take it lightly.

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Filipina Dating

How to Know if Your Filipina is Honest

Messenger
Angelica: Honey I have a problem. My internet bill is due today and I cannot pay it. You: Why can’t you pay it? I already sent you $100 two weeks ago plus you started your new job at the call center 2 months ago. Angelica: As I already told you I’m only earning 6000 every 2 weeks. You: Hmm that’s interesting because last month you told me you make 10,000 every two weeks Angelica: I meant to say 10,000 pesos…sorry baby… You: Uh-huh I gotta go

How to Know if Your Filipina is Honest

You just caught your Filipina in a lie because you had actual numbers. Filipinas can be master manipulators and you need to look out for some of their tricks. Your best weapon to know if your Filipina is honest it to have a good memory. Judge Judy always says when you tell the truth you don’t need a good memory. Fact: Filipino scammers that like to lie are most likely chatting with multiple guys and telling them multiple stories. It’s hard to keep track of all those stories and eventually, they’ll slip up.

Specificity is Your Friend

When you’re chatting up a girl in The Philippines always try to get specifics when having a conversation. For example, if you’re talking about your jobs, don’t just ask what she does. Ask her what her job title is. You can do this tactfully. If she tells you she graduated from college ask her what her degree is in and what university specifically. Fun fact: The top universities ‘The Big 4’ in The Philippines are: University of The Philippines, Ateneo University, De La Salle University, University of Santo Tomas Remember that Facebook messages don’t go away. Anytime she gives you a number you can cross-reference it with a number she gave you before. Whenever she asks for money always make her give a detailed explanation of why she needs it. Use ‘what about’ questions. For instance, if she’s claiming to need money for her Lola’s hospital bill, make sure you ask ‘well what about your job?’ ‘What about’ questions are a great way to get her to give you numbers. Related: Why Filipinas Always Ask For Money

Ask for Details

A lot of times Filipina scammers will try to lie about having the same interests as you. If she tells you she has a particular interest ask more questions about it. If, for example, she tells you her faith is strong and she goes to church every Sunday ask her what her favorite Bible verse is. A true Christian woman of faith shouldn’t have any problem telling you her favorite bible verse without even having to think about it.

Do What The Cops Do

When the cops interrogate someone they’ll ask a question, get the answer, and then they’ll ‘confirm’ a different answer later in the interview. This is a good tactic because it goes back to what I said earlier. If you tell the truth you don’t need a good memory. You can ask her what subject is her degree in and let’s say she tells you it’s in Hotel and Restaurant Management, when you first meet and maybe after a month ago you can bring it up in conversation that she said she had a degree in Caregiving (yes that’s a degree in The Philippines).

Common Things Filipinas Lie About

Just remember their goal is to get you to like them so you’ll give them a better life. So here are some common lies you’re likely to hear if you chat with enough Pinays
  • Telling you she’s a virgin
  • Saying you’re the only foreigner that she’s ever chatted with
  • Claiming love after 1 or 2 chats
  • Lying about the strength of her faith
  • A typhoon blew down her house
  • Her lola (grandma) is in the hospital
  • She has no children
  • That she graduated from college

Get Her Off Her Script

I used to work as a cell phone salesman for a major carrier here in The US. I remember in training I had to read all sorts of information about over a dozen phones and I remember thinking to myself ‘how the heck am I gonna remember all of this stuff?!’ Turns out when I got in the phone with most of the potential customers they all asked pretty much the same questions: “How much does it cost?” “What colors do you have?” and “How many minutes and gigabytes of data should I get?”. Turns out that Americans looking to date Filipinas also ask pretty much the same questions. “How old are you?” “What are you looking for?” ” Do you have children?”and “How many other foreign boyfriends have you had?” That’s why most Filipinas looking to manipulate someone have a script that they use with pretty much every single guy that they talk to. They know what to say to get you the most excited about dating them. Therefore if you want to catch a Filipina in a lie asking her unexpected questions is the best way to throw her off her script. A study revealed this was one of the best ways to catch identity thieves. She expects that you’ll ask her how old she is. But what if instead, you ask her what year she was born? If she hesitates and has to think about it then you’ll know she’s a liar. This obviously works better in a voice chat then a text chat. She knows you’ll ask how many foreign boyfriends she’s had before. But what if instead, you ask ‘what does your family think about you talking to guys so far away?’ This might trip her up into saying something like ‘oh they’re used to it’ or ‘they don’t care’. Those are signs she’s talked to many foreign guys before you.

Best ways to avoid Filipina scammers

My grandmother used to tell us growing up that the best way to keep from getting sick is to eat with clean hands. If you want to avoid scammers the best way is to be a person of honor and integrity yourself. If you approach Filipinas like you’re a celebrity that has his pick of the litter or worse that you can buy a person, you shouldn’t be surprised if you don’t get good results. Take your time. There’s no rush. Many girls will try to rush you into a relationship and marriage but there’s simply no reason to rush. Someone that’s desperate to enter into a relationship isn’t someone that’s likely, to tell the truth even when it hurts. The word of a desperation person isn’t worth the air it’s spoken in.  
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Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ Dating Site Reviews

Exploring If Christian Mingle Is For College Students

I was chatting with some of my readers and they asked me if Christian Mingle good for college students? I had to do some research to find the answer.

Is Christian Mingle Good for College Students?

Christian Mingle can be good for college students but I cannot say it is the best choice for a starving student for various reasons. For the average college student, I’d recommend OkCupid instead. 

What a College Student Would Like About Christian Mingle

Christian Mingle is the world’s largest online Christian dating community, boasting over 16 million members and is growing every day.  What I like about paid sites is that people who are actually willing to put their money where their mouths are, tend to be more serious than someone that set up a profile by connecting their facebook account for free.  Another site I like is eharmony. That’s where I met my wife. However, eharmony isn’t cheap and the questionnaire takes a long time (up to 40 minutes). Christian Mingle used to let you set up your profile and review your matches for free. Check to see if they still do that.

If you are considering joining the Christian Mingle Community the site is a good resource for Christians who are looking for a life partner. In fact, it’s the largest Christian dating site in the world–boasting a membership if 16 million+.  However, there are some cons that need to be considered so in order for you to make an informed decision I will give you the Christian Mingle Pros & Cons.

Additional Christian Mingle Benefits:
  • Extremely easy to set up a profile. You can just import your Facebook information with one click, answer a few questions, and start seeing your matches
  • Christian Mingle has a very large member base with over 16 million Christian singles.
  • The Statement of Faith listed on the website is Biblically based and accurate.
  • The website is clean and does not use sex to sell their service.
  • Part of a large Christian network of sites that are all Christian based and work to spread the Christian faith.
  • Sign up is completely free as well as browsing through your matches.
  • Offers real Christian singles in your own area.
  • Gives its members an entire page outlining how to keep you safe while using their site.

 

But Hold On…

16 million single Christians eager and ready to find their life partner, what’s to lose?!  Like the old saying goes the devil is in the details. While they have 16 million members what matters is how many of them are active. Of those 16 million members only about 160,000 (10%) of them accessing the site on a daily basis.  Compare that to 66% of Facebook users who access the site every day. Another thing college student daters need to consider is that Christian Mingle tends to cater to crowds that are 30+.

160,000 is still a good amount considering that you only need one person to be your spouse.  Since it’s free and super easy to create a profile (click one button) there’s no harm in visiting the site and browsing around.

Christian Mingle Alternatives

There are a few alternatives to Christian Mingle for college students. The two I’ll present to you today I really like because they are either free or offer a full free trial with no credit card required.

Christian Cafe

If you want to give online dating a go then also consider Christian Cafe. This site is Christian owned and the biggie for me is that they delete inactive profiles! I took the time to create a chart for you guys to compare Christian Cafe with Christian Mingle.

Christian Mingle vs Christian Cafe Comparison Chart

Christian Mingle Christian Cafe
Price 29.99 per/mo

 

(check pricing)

34.97 per/mo

 

(free 10-day trial)

Number of Users 16 Million 750,000*
Christian owned
Number of cool features

As you can see Christian Mingle has some distinct advantages over Christian Cafe. Namely the price and number of users. For many daters that makes the choice pretty clear but hold on a second. Many Christian daters will appreciate that Christian Cafe is actually Christian owned while Christian Mingle is owned by a big corporate conglomerate–Spark Networks. This is the same company that owns sites such as Attractive World where users must pass a looks test in order to be accepted. I’d say that’s hardly a Christian value.

Christian Cafe Benefits

In addition, Christian Cafe has some distinct advantages that many daters will like:

  • QuickMatch-A feature which suggests profiles who are compatible in terms of age, faith, location, and relationship goals.
  • Ability to see if your message has been read
  • Photo verification–All photos must be recent & clearly show the users’ face to be approved
  • Inactive profiles are removed–This means you don’t have to worry about sending messages to users that don’t bother to check their profiles
  • Actively managed–The Christian Cafe team doesn’t hesitate to remove troublemakers from the site
  • Faith over finance–They know they could attract more users if they let people post scantily clad photos in bikinis and short shorts but they don’t allow that
  • It offers ‘cafe’s’–Forums for members to interact with each other
  • Free 7-day trial–Try it before you buy it

So you see while the user base is small it’s active. What good are 16 million or 16 billion users if 3/4 of them haven’t logged in for more than a year? Christian Mingle’s focus is on growth and numbers and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing those who are serious about their faith may be disappointed that their ‘matches’ aren’t as Christian as they’d hoped.

Christian Cafe while still a business puts faith over finance and works hard to create a truly Christian environment. This enables people of faith to find Godly matches who share their values. The best thing I liked was the free 10-day trial. This allows daters to see for themselves if the site is the right choice for them.

OkCupid

OkCupid is my favorite dating site for young people. They also have a matching system and it’s totally free to use. While of course, it has up-sales none of those are necessary in order to fully use the service.  I know a few young people who met their spouse on OkCupid.

The site also allows you to tailor your matches to only Christian singles, but of course, there are no guarantees but it’s far less likely you’ll run into atheists and holiday Christians once you tailor your matches than on Tinder or Bumble.  When I was in college I was broke and every penny counted. That’s why I highly recommend trying OkCupid before trying any paid dating site.

Wait, If OkCupid is so great then why don’t more Christian sites recommend it?

*whispers* Because OkCupid doesn’t pay website owners a commission for referring new users. 

What are the downsides?

Like anything, there are downsides to OkCupid. Namely, because the users don’t have to put their money where their mouth is you’re still far more likely to get users who aren’t serious. You’re also more likely to run into holiday Christians than on a site like Christian Cafe or Christian Mingle.  So while my overall recommendation for most college students is OkCupid it doesn’t hurt to set up a free profile on Christian Cafe or Christian Mingle just to see what’s up.

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Filipina Dating

8 Good Reasons to Date a Filipina And What To Expect

I had a buddy that was having a hard time dating women here in The States. He was only 35 and had a full-time job as a nurse, but the girls he kept meeting just didn’t share his values. He also had problems with women cheating on him. The problem was the girls he was interested in valued hyper-masculine aggressive males and as a relatively soft-spoken Asian male, he didn’t fit their criteria.

We (his parents and I) suggested looking to The Philippines for a suitable wife. He was skeptical but open. So, he decided to just try it

He chatted with many women and went there twice. Last time he came back he jubilantly told me he met a nice young lady that fit his criteria. She was in shape, conservative, and loved the Lord as much as he did. Even better she wasn’t demanding and all in his face like the western women he dated before.

Better still she didn’t look down on him for living with his parents. She understood that he had a full-time job and knew he was saving money to buy a house. I’ve never seen him happier!

They got married last month.

Here are 8 Good Reasons to Date a Filipina

You Get a Girlfriend and a Mom in One!

If you are dating a Filipina, expect that you would get exemplary service – that’s for sure! We truly enjoy taking care of our partners. It is normal for us to wake up earlier than the usual to prepare your breakfast, your clothes for the day, your gadgets and all that jazz. They want you to feel loved at all times. They want you to feel like a king when you are with us. Just a tip – Don’t get annoyed if they send random messages every hour of the day just to check if you are doing well. It’s just that they can’t help but be sweet.

They Are Young and Fresh

According to the Philippine Statistics Authority, the average Filipino woman is just 23 years old, nice! In addition to that Asia has the lowest obesity rates on the planet. That’s why a Filipina is more likely to be young and fit than other girls.

What’s even better is they don’t care about age. Even in Filipina-Filipino relationships, wide age gaps are commonplace. Asian culture actually respects age and its codified in law. Senior citizens in The Philippines are entitled to special discounts, they get their own shorter lines at service counters, and they are treated with respect unlike in the west.

Related: Christian Dating With a Big Age Gap

They Don’t Care About Race

Whether you’re black, white, Asian, or even green and blue you can find a Filipina for you. While there is colorism in The Philippines (as with all of Asia) if you come here you’ll find that many of them have evolved away from that and will look past any archaic notions of white skin beauty. Come as you are to The Philippines and you will find love.

They Actually Want Love

A big problem in the Filipino dating scene is that there are more women than men. Because the Filipino men know they’re in high demand they often will ask for money and play the field. Many Filipinas get tired of trying to buy a boyfriend and will look to foreign men who are serious about them and treat them as a human being instead of a source of income.

Filipinos Are Affectionate

So long as you get a Filipina that’s not over-the-top religious she’ll show you a lot of affection. Whenever I’m with my partner on a hot day she’ll always wipe the sweat off my face. I don’t even ask. She just instinctively takes out a handkerchief and wipes my face. It’s those small things that make me love dating Filipinas.

They Are Family-Oriented

The family is the most important thing to a Filipino. Filipinos love family and want one of their own. It’s very rare that you’ll find a Filipina that doesn’t want to have a family and just wants to go to the club every Friday night. Their dedication to their family is profound and amazing to watch.

They’re Not Demanding

If you’ve dated a lot of women back home then you know many of them have high expectations. They expect to be treated like princesses who demand ‘equality’ when it comes to household chores but still expect you to pay most of the bills.

In The Philippines, it’s the exact opposite. They will be competing for you! You don’t need to woo a Filipina with expensive gifts. The most important thing a Filipina wants to see is that you’re serious with her. Once you have proven you’re serious she’ll treat you with such love and respect you’ll feel overwhelmed.

You’ll Experience Love Like Never Before

Once you find a Filipina that loves you they make the best partners you’ll ever have. A Filipina that truly loves you will make you experience love in a way that you’ve never experienced in your entire life. She’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy and hopefully, you’ll do the same for her. I’m a techie so I spend most of my days staring at my laptop looking at code and graphs. Suffice it to say I don’t care about clothes or anything of the sort.

Meet Your Filipina Wife

I’ll never forget one day I tried to go out to go to the store but my girlfriend wouldn’t let me go because my shirt was wrinkled. She didn’t want her lover (me) to be seen in clothes that weren’t ironed. She made me give her my shirt and he ironed it and then let me go out. That was when I knew I hit the jackpot.

What to Expect When Dating a Filipina

I remember speaking to a buddy that was having a hard time with the girls back home. The ones he was interested in weren’t interested in dating him, and the ones that liked him were too old for his liking. That’s why I, and his parents, suggested looking to the Philippines to date because he was looking for a good girl with traditional values but under 40.

He asked me when dating a Filipina what to expect?

  • Vast cultural differences
  • Expect to send money
  • Expect to fall in love quickly
  • They may not be so straightforward with their feelings
  • You can expect to be loved as you’ve never been loved before

I told him that first of all you need to understand that even though most Filipinas speak English, there are still vast cultural differences. Expect to send money and that you need to take your time. Also, expect them to fall for you pretty quickly, and they may not be so straightforward as American women about their feelings. Best of all you can expect to be loved as you’ve never been loved before.

Expect Cultural Differences

A lot of guys look for a girl or go to The Philippines thinking it’s like going to a cheaper version of Hawaii. It’s understandable to think this way. The Philippines was a colony of Spain, The US, and for a brief moment even Great Britain! Most Filipinos speak English and are friendly. But nothing could be further from the truth. The Philippines is on the other side of the world from the US, and many of their customs will also feel that way.

A big difference that many western men encounter is the concept of ‘tampo.’ Filipinas are often reluctant to express their grievances directly, so they will do what’s called ‘making tampo.’ That is they will withdraw and just begin acting differently. You can tell she’s upset about something, but when you ask what’s the matter, she’ll deny there’s a problem but continue her withdrawal. You’ll be left to guess what her main issue is and then once you get it right, she’ll discuss it. It’s a passive aggressive punishment for slighting her.

How long it lasts depends on the individual. Sometimes tampo can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days (in most cases), or even a few weeks if she’s a real head case or you did something awful.

Also, the Filipino concept of time can be quite different. Often when a Filipina gives a particular time for her arrival to a place, it’s usually a suggestion and not an exact time. It’s not a social faux pas in The Philippines to be 15 minutes late, or more!

Guys also need to understand that virginity is still a thing in The Philippines. Many younger guys that are used to dating liberated western girls are in for a shock when they don’t get any after the 2nd or 3rd date. Now don’t get me wrong sex is readily available in The Philippines but if you are looking for a wholesome, take-home-to-mom, type of girl don’t expect her to put out right away. That’s what you should be looking for. A girl that puts out right away is often a scammer or way too westernized to have the traditional values I alluded to before. It’s not uncommon for country girls in The Philippines to be virgins until they are married.

Her family is going to be an essential part of her life. Unlike some western women who constantly denigrate and vilify their parents, especially their mothers, Filipinas love both of their parents and will do anything to help them. That means if you are with her for an extended period expect her to send money back to her family. This will happen even if you tell her that the dad is just using it to buy beer and prostitutes or if her juvenile delinquent brother is giving it to the next girl that he wants to sleep with. It just won’t matter. She’ll say ‘I know but what can I do?’ and keep right on sending it.

Expect to Send Money

Unless you’re dating a girl from the highest echelons of Philippine society, you should expect a request for money at some point. Whether its direct or indirect depends on the girl. I know many guys object to sending money, and you don’t want to be scammed but think about it. If you are dating a girl back home, you’ll also pay whether it’s going to the movies and dinner every Friday night or maybe she runs into some sort of financial jam. If you’re a man love costs money no matter what. The difference is it’s a lot cheaper in The Philippines than dating a woman back home. I don’t recommend sending one penny before the 3-month mark, though.

One tip I like to suggest to men who are not sure if she’s a scammer is to send a gift instead of money. You can go to Lazada.com and send her a teddy bear. It’ll cost you $10usd, and if she lives in Manila, the delivery is often free. Then wait to see if she makes a move afterward. For example, after you’ve sent the bear wait and see if she starts blathering on and on about her financial woes or some other implicit indications that she wants money. If she does, you know you’ve got a scammer on your hands.

Related: Signs She Just Wants a Green Card

Expect to Pay for Dinner For Three

Don’t be dismayed if she asks to take a cousin or brother on your first date. A girl from a good family won’t want to go out with a man she doesn’t know by herself. You’ll have to earn her trust which means on the first few dates you’ll be paying for dinner for three. That’s a good sign. Families that allow their young daughters to go out with just any guy by herself are often up to no good. Trust me, you don’t want a girl that’s dating you because she has to or needs to. You want a girl that’s dating you because she wants to.

Filipinos are passionate, and that goes for their love lives as well. It’s not uncommon to start feeling her getting attached to you after only a couple of weeks of chatting and video calls. Now, if she’s declaring love after the first or second conversation, she’s most likely a scammer but if you’ve been having some good in-depth conversations after a few weeks don’t be alarmed if she starts showing the signs she likes you. That is why as a man it’s very important you set the boundaries in the beginning that you’re not ready to get anything serious until you meet her in person. This will prevent a lot of hurt feelings on both sides.

Related: Signs a Filipina Likes You

Expect Her to Want Kids

If you’re planning on dating a girl in her 20s, then understand that having children is very much on her mind. This isn’t a problem for some of the younger guys but if you’re in your 50’s, 60’s, & beyond that’s something you need to be cognizant of. If you are happily retired, then consider dating an older girl in her 40’s than a 21-year old.

Expect Her to Love Videoke

Videoke (karaoke on a television screen) is the favorite pass time of The Philippines. They love to sing, even if they’re not good at it. That means you can expect her to sing and have videoke parties at her (your) place. Any birthday, graduation, anniversaries, or just any get-together will involve videoke. This can work to your favor if you can sing because that is a great way to woo a Filipina into your arms.

See: Best Places to Meet Filipinas

That’s why western men marry Filipinas. An American girl probably would’ve felt too ’empowered’ to iron her man’s clothes. Filipinas will go out of their way to please their husbands so long as you treat them right. Many Christian brothers who date Filipinas come back to me and say they never realized how good love could be until they married a Filipina. The traditional values and the respect for age set Filipinas far apart from many western women.

Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ Filipina Dating

5 Signs Your Filipina Girlfriend is Marriage Material

Is My Filipina Marriage Material or Not?

So you’ve been dating this girl for a few months now and you’re really starting to feel the butterflies in your stomach and you want to know if she is marriage material or not. In this article, I’m going to discuss whether or not your Filipina partner is marriage material. There are, of course, the obvious signs: she’s not easy, she has Jesus in her heart, and she’s a kind person. But I want to go deeper than that and get into some real signs your Filipina is wife material.

She Wants You But Doesn’t Need You

First and foremost you should be looking at if she’s had financial emergencies in which you were required to help. A woman who is serious will not have constant financial emergencies and shouldn’t be asking for money for at least 3 months. I know things happen but when it comes to dating people in The Philippines financial emergencies are a big red flag. Rest assured if she’s having financial emergencies now she’ll continue to have them throughout your time with her.

You want to marry a woman who wants you but doesn’t need you because she’s desperate to get out of poverty. While I make no bones in saying resources will most likely be part of the reason she’s interested in you it shouldn’t be the only or even the most important reason. I do believe all relationships have some sort of transactional value but that doesn’t mean your relationship should be nothing more than a monetary transaction.

She Admires Your Gifts

Sometimes guys come here and think they can buy a person’s love. You can rent a person’s body at a cheap price here but you can never buy a person’s love. A Filipina that really loves you will admire things about you, and I don’t just mean your passport or your wallet either.

Maybe you’re a good cook or a great woodworker, or you’re really good at problem-solving. Whatever it is we all have our gifts and she should admire at least one of them. If she can’t give you any specific attribute about you that she admires and all she can say is ‘oh because you’re so kind to me’, that’s a sign you two are not yet ready for marriage.

In addition to that, she should admire your strengths as a man and not be threatened by them. The Lord has called us as men to be the head of our households. Now some guys misinterpret that to mean you can be a bossy douchebag and expect her to take it. but a mature man understands that a good leader is also a good listener and cares deeply for those he leads.

If she gets offended or balks at the idea of yielding to you then she’s not marriage material. It’s important to note that I mean she must yield only after being consulted first and her point of view being taken seriously. By the way, in the real world, it’s in your best interests to go along with her idea(s) more often than not. 😉

Related: American Filipino Marriage Success Rate

Ability to Forgive

Ask anyone who has been married for more than 5 years and they’ll tell you one of the most important things to keeping a marriage together is the ability to forgive your spouse. No matter how good of a match you guys are you will undoubtedly make mistakes and so will she. That’s why it’s paramount that you marry a woman with the ability to forgive.

Now, of course, I’m not suggesting that she has to be a doormat who should accept things like infidelity. I’m referring to honest mistakes such as forgetting a birthday or not properly receiving her mother’s blessing when you first met her. I had a buddy who was with this girl and every time they got into an argument she would bring up a long laundry list of all the mistakes he made in the past even though she said she already forgave him.

Which leads me to my next point. If something is forgiven then while it’s not forgotten it most certainly is finished. A woman who can forgive doesn’t bring up those things again and again just to win an argument.

Not Quarrelsome

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24

A woman that likes to argue is bad news, period. I don’t care how pretty she is, how rich she is, or even how Christian she is. A woman who likes to argue will make your life a living hell. You see people, both men, and women, who like to argue do it because they love the drama. They crave it and they need it to feel validated.

People that like to argue are also people who think they’re always right and are usually the smartest person in the room. This goes back to the respect that I talked about before. Someone that always argues with you doesn’t respect you. They’re so self-centered that they literally cannot see that someone having a different perspective than them isn’t wrong.  Stay away from women who like to argue. 

She Shares Your Values

Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together. Deuteronomy 22:10

This is by far the most important factor to determine if your Filipina is marriage material or not.  If your partner doesn’t share your values, for example, she’s a spender and you’re a saver or your faith is important to you but she’s a holiday Christian, then your marriage probably won’t last long.  Finding a wife who shares your values is more important than finding a beautiful woman or even an intelligent woman.

The Bible tells us to be equally yoked. Now that verse is referring to believers and nonbelievers but it can also be interpreted to emphasize the importance of finding a woman who has the same fundamental values as you, and not just your faith.

A Loving Filipina Partner is The Best Partner You’ll Ever Have

A Filipina that truly loves you will make you experience love in a way that you’ve never experienced in your entire life. She’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy and hopefully, you’ll do the same for her. I have a buddy that is a techie and got a good wife from The Philippines. He told me he’ll never forget one day when he tried to go out to go to the store but his girlfriend wouldn’t let him go because his shirt was wrinkled. She didn’t want her lover to be seen in clothes that weren’t ironed. She made him give her his shirt and she ironed it and then let him go out. That was when he knew she was the right one to be his wife.

You May Also Like:

How to Find a Filipina Wife With Good Values

Best Christian International Dating Sites

How to Bring a Filipino To The US

How Much Does it Cost to Marry a Filipina

 

Categories
Filipina Dating

What is The Filipino American Marriage Success Rate?

A buddy that is looking to date in the Philippines asked me what is the Filipino American marriage success rate? I actually get this question quite a bit from guys that are interested in dating a Filipina. Maybe if you’re reading this you’re wondering the same thing.

What is The Filipino American Marriage Success Rate?

What data exists suggest that marriages between Americans and Filipinos have a success rate upwards of 80%.  There are various reasons for the high level of success between these marriages. 1. The age of the man. Typically men that have the wherewithal and the means to marry overseas are older and more mature. 2. The Philippine attitude toward divorce. The Philippines is only one of two countries on Earth that don’t allow divorce and polls show that just 53% of Filipinos support divorce. 3. In order to successfully marry a Filipina and bring her to America, you must prove to the US government that the relationship is bona fide.

Here’s why getting ditched as soon as she gets her green card is unlikely

The US government actually does quite a bit to protect Americans from marriage fraud. They passed The Marriage Fraud Amendments of 1986 because so many soldiers in Vietnam got duped by Vietnamese women into bringing them over to the US and then dumping them once they got their residency.

I’m not sure what you’ve heard but you don’t just walk into the US embassy and pick up your fiance visa for your partner.

  1. You have to prove that you can support the person financially (this weeds out a lot of the most gullible men as they tend not to have a lot of money)
  2. You have to produce many pages of documentation and evidence to prove that the marriage is bona fide
  3. The women (or man) is interviewed at the US embassy to determine if she’s legit
  4. The applicant has to submit to a criminal background check and evidence of prior marriages
  5. After that, she gets a conditional green card for two years in which during that time she can be deported if you discover she’s not legit
  6. Once she petitions to have the conditions removed from her green card she can be interviewed and questioned again! If she’s divorced that looks really bad.

If you are engaged and ready to bring her back to America it’s perfectly natural to be at least a bit concerned. After all, we all know someone or know someone that knows someone that got ditched by an international girl after she got her green card. But consider this. People don’t always tell the whole story–especially in highly emotional circumstances such as divorce. Most people seek to make themselves out to be the victim and their soon-to-be-ex the villain. Let’s think about this logically. You have a girl that’s thousands of miles away from her friends and family, with no or very limited income, and still doesn’t fully understand how everything works here. It seems very unlikely to me that she will just jump ship because she decided she was bored. Now yes, it does happen but I think it’s rarer than many people think.

Did you marry her for the right reasons?

I’ve said before that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to marry a younger woman but that should never be the only reason you should marry someone. If you marry her for the right reasons like love? and respect then your chances of your marriage lasting will be much higher! If, however, you just married her for her body and the sex was great then expect her to feel the relationship is just as transactional as you do.

Related: Christian Dating With a Big Age Gap

Here’s how to Make Your Marriage Last

So now you know what not to do let’s talk about what a foreigner looking for a Filipino wife should do. First and foremost you need to be honest with yourself about what you’re really looking for. If you’re just looking for a hot 20 something to spend time with you for a fee then be honest. That’s super easy to find in the Philippines and you don’t really need to read any further–just join here for free.

If you’re looking for something serious with no money involved then you’ll have to look harder and be patient. That kind of thing doesn’t come easy. You can, however, speed up the process by going to a reputable dating site like Christian Filipina. I consider them to be the vanguard of the Filipina/Westerner dating scene. Why pay for a site when there are so many Pinays hitting you up on Facebook? Because a Pinay that has actually paid to join a website is likely to have a stable job, a stable income, be serious about finding a husband, and most importantly going to be in the middle or upper echelons of society. The biggest drawback to this site is the price. They aren’t the cheapest site out there because they offer personalized matching services–as in a human being actually matches you. However, if you’re not ready to invest in a site like that then try Filipino Cupid. They’re less expensive but without the personalized service.

Related: Christian Filipina – The Site To Find a Filipina Wife (Review)

Here’s what to look for in a Filipino Wife

You’re going to want someone that doesn’t need you. In other words a girl with a stable job. I’ve found call center employees are your best bet to meet someone financially stable. Second is going to be your public school teachers. Public school teachers in the Philippines earn very well. Note: I said public school teachers. There’s a vast difference between public and private school teacher salaries. My ex was a private school teacher and she earned the equivalent to $300 a month.  If she tells you she’s a teacher ask her if she passed the board and if she works at a public or private school. Third are nurses but frankly, I’d be hesitant to date a nurse in The Philippines as they earn very little. Not that we’d be splitting the expenses 50/50 it’s just that if she’s not earning much the chances are higher that she’s just looking for a sugar daddy.

I recommend caution if you’re going to date:

A student (could be looking for a sugar daddy to pay her tuition which can be quite expensive) A mall girl (they work long hours and don’t earn much), A girl with no job and talks about going abroad. The sad truth is many Filipino OFWs are horribly mistreated, especially the maids & nannies and especially in the middle east, so girls will say or do anything to avoid having to go abroad to be an OFW. And no, I’m not saying everyone in these groups is bad. I’m just trying to give you an idea of what to expect.

The next step for finding a Filipino girlfriend or wife is to take your time.

There’s no reason to rush and if she’s pushing and rushing for a relationship or marriage too quickly that’s a very good sign that all she wants is a green card. A person that doesn’t need you also doesn’t need to rush. Marriage is serious and you want to make sure she’s the right one. I know a guy that got ditched as soon as he brought this hottie back from Brazil. Turns out she already had a live-in boyfriend and kids back in Brazil. She was just desperate for a green card and she got it.

Something that you need to do is to ask her to produce a CENOMAR (certificate of non-marriage)

This is especially important if you are marrying a woman that already has children. Many times if a girl gets pregnant the guy will go ahead and marry her to save face but then leave her shortly after the baby is born. Or they could be a legitimate couple in need of a sponsor–you.

The final thing you need to know is if you’re barely making ends meet yourself then you have no business dating a Filipina.

It’s not fair to waste these peoples’ time knowing that you have no intention of, or can’t, give her a better life. I’m not saying it’s all about the money but come on. We all know resources are going to be part of the reason she’s interested just like her youth and body are, at least in part of, the reason you’re interested.

Related: Five Prayers for a Godly Wife

A Loving Filipina is The Best Partner

A Filipina that truly loves you will make you experience love in a way that you’ve never experienced in your entire life. She’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy and hopefully, you’ll do the same for her. I have a buddy that is a techie and got a good wife from The Philippines. He told me he’ll never forget one day when he tried to go out to go to the store but his girlfriend wouldn’t let him go because his shirt was wrinkled. She didn’t want her lover to be seen in clothes that weren’t ironed. She made him give her his shirt and she ironed it and then let him go out. That was when he knew she was the right one to be his wife.

Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ Filipina Dating

Don’t Marry A Filipina (With These Traits)

Many brothers looking for a wife ask what types of Filipinas to pursue and what types of Filipinas to avoid. There are obvious types which are those who dress provocatively, complain about their finances, or use curse words but I want to go deeper than that; beyond the obvious.

Don’t Marry a Filipina That Swears to Tell The Truth

Growing up my grandma used to always tell us there’s nothing worse in this world than a liar. One of the best ways to spot a liar is if she has to constantly swear she’s telling the truth. If she begins her sentences with ‘to tell you the truth’ or ‘honestly’ its because she’s worried that she won’t be believed. But why does a person who’s truthful need to worry that they won’t be believed?

Another good sign of a liar is if they give convoluted explanations. I remember when I was dating a girl and when I looked at her phone I saw her telling another guy ‘I love you’. When I confronted her about it she swore up and down that it was her cousin and they were just close. She gave this long convoluted explanation as to why she spoke that way with her cousin. It didn’t take a genius to figure out she was lying and that was indeed her real Filipino boyfriend.

Don’t Marry a Filipina Who Tell Lies About Others–Even ‘White Lies’

I strongly advise guys to avoid girls who tell lies about others. Even so-called ‘white lies’. Someone who is willing to lie about other people is certainly willing to lie about you. Furthermore, a gossip may be fun to listen to but gossips are typically the most vicious people out there.

We all gossip to some degree but someone who tells outright lies about others just to bring attention to themselves or achieve their own goals is a person with a black heart.

Attention Seekers

Attention seeking can go way beyond being scantily clad. If you are talking to a girl and you’re noticing she does things to draw attention to herself such as constant complaining about her life on social media, taking selfies everyday and posting them on Facebook, being boastful, or constantly gossiping she should be avoided.

The reason being is most attention seekers are insecure and need constant validation from others in order to make it through their day. These people often have deeply internal issues that you may not want to deal with.

Avoid Filipinas Who Are Disobedient To Their Parents

The parent is the first and foremost representation of God’s authority in our lives. There’s a reason that not only is the first commandment to honor your mother and father but the bible says no less than 20 times to respect your parents. God gave us a mother and a father so that we may receive guidance through life.

Now I’m fully aware that some homes are dysfunctional and some parents just aren’t that great. But a woman who constantly speaks ill of her parents and is flagrantly disrespectful clearly has a problem respecting authority. If she won’t respect the authority of those who gave her life what makes you think she’ll respect your authority once she gets what she wants from you?

Stay Away From Girls Whose Parents Don’t Care

Before I moved to Bacolod I was in Iloilo first. My girlfriend was with me for an entire week while in Iloilo and then when we moved to Bacolod. Once we got to Bacolod I assumed her family would want to meet me. When I asked about it she said ‘oh they don’t care’. What the heck?!’ I thought. Your parents don’t want to know who their child has been spending the last week with, even more so because he’s from the other side of the world?! That wasn’t right.

This is true in America but especially in The Philippines, the fathers are supposed to be protective of their daughters. I’d be very wary of any girl whose parents allow their young daughter to go out with random guys by herself. If you’ve been talking to a girl and she hasn’t mentioned her family wanting to meet you and get to know you it is most likely because she’s had dozens of guys before you and they don’t care. More to the point the family is probably using her to extract money from vulnerable foreigners.

The more likely scenario if you’re dating a provincial girl is that her family will require a chaperone to accompany her when she’s with you. That means you’ll be paying for dinner for three.

Related: What to Expect When Dating a Filipina

Avoid Girls Who Are Ungrateful

The greatest pleasure in a relationship comes from sacrificing yourself for your partner. However, a girl that’s very pretty and thinks she’s doing you a favor by dating you is going to be very difficult to make sacrifices for. We all want gratitude and a girl that is ungrateful should be avoided no matter how pretty she is.  What’s worse is an ungrateful girl will probably always be on the lookout for greener pastures i.e. a guy with more money.

A Woman Who Won’t Forgive

Ask anyone who’s been married more than 5 years and they’ll tell you one of the most important aspects to keeping a marriage together is the ability to forgive. Now I’m not saying she should be a doormat but even if you are always on your best behavior you will undoubtedly do things that annoy or even infuriate her. A woman who won’t forgive and holds grudges is not a woman you want to be around. If you date a woman like that expect to have things you did 5, or even 10 years ago, thrown back at you during an argument. I’d say living with a woman like that is the closest thing to hell we have on Earth.

Lovers of Pleasure Over Love of God

28 Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfoldand will inherit eternal life. 30 But many who are first will be last, and the last first.

Matthew 19:28-30

Those who chase pleasure over God will get neither while those who pursue the way of the Lord will get both. Someone who you constantly have to cajole to go to church with you or do something that will benefit someone else besides themselves is someone who should be avoided.

Lastly, Avoid A Girl That is Too Perfect

Some people may get the impression that I am advocating that you look for a perfect girl. I tell you the truth, there is no perfect girl. Every woman you meet will be a flawed individual just as you are. Only you can determine which flaws you will accept and which ones you can’t.

However, a girl that just seems way too perfect is often not showing her true self. Remember many of these girls are desperate and will do anything to get out of their current situations. If she just seems too perfect then she’s probably not being honest. No human being is going to agree with you 100% of the time. No woman is going to want to be subservient and take orders from you all the time. If your purpose for dating a woman in The Philippines is because you want a subservient wife who will take your orders with a smile then may I kindly suggest you get a dog instead.

Choose a woman who will help you on your walk with God, not one who will hinder it.

Related: Best Sites to Meet Filipinas

 

Categories
Self Defense

The Legality of Kubatons in California

A common question I see asked in self-defense forums is ‘are kubatons legal in California?’ The California penal code doesn’t mention the name ‘kubaton’ but there is a statue that a kubaton would fall under.

Are Kubatons Legal in California?

Unfortunately, Kubatons are not legal in California at this time. No permit exists for a non-peace officer to possess one and the penalty is up to a year in jail if you are caught with one. The California Penal Code states:  Except as provided in Section 22215 and Chapter 1 (commencing with Section 17700) of Division 2 of Title 2, any person in this state who manufactures or causes to be manufactured, imports into the state, keeps for sale, or offers or exposes for sale, or who gives, lends, or possesses any leaded cane, or any instrument or weapon of the kind commonly known as a billy, blackjack, sandbag, sandclub, sap, or slungshot, is punishable by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year or imprisonment pursuant to subdivision (h) of Section 1170.

Limited Exceptions

The no batons rule does have some limited exceptions which most likely won’t apply to you. California law does allow regular citizens to possess a baton. If you are a forensic lab worker,  turning weapons into the police, martial arts school owner, an antiques dealer, and or part of a historical society you may have one but only during the course of your business. In addition, you can’t be convicted of a crime if you didn’t know you had a baton on you. For example, if you picked up someone else’s bag and it happened to have a baton in it.

Possible Workaround-A Flashlight

It would stand to reason that a kubaton would fall under that statute. That’s why instead of a baton why not have a flashlight? That’s why if you are interested in a baton you should use a flashlight baton as it is a flashlight first and foremost. People have used those big Maglites for years but modern flashlight batons are extremely more advanced. First, they are LED which gives out more light for less power and second they are extendable for easy storage. Here’s a great expandable flashlight you can use.

What Self Defense Weapons Are Legal in California?

Most non-lethal self-defense weapons are legal in California so long as they are used in good faith.

Folding Knives

The California penal code defines several different types of knives each having their own special rules, however, a general rule is that most ‘exotic’ knives are illegal for the average citizen to carry in California.

California defines folding knives Folding knives are knives that “opens with one hand utilizing thumb pressure applied solely to the blade of the knife or a thumb stud attached to the blade, provided that the knife has a detent or other mechanism that provides resistance that must be overcome in opening the blade, or that biases the blade back toward its closed position” . In short, all folding knives are legal in California. California Penal Code Section 17235. As long as they are in the folded position they can be carried in a concealed manner. There is no blade length restriction per the penal code.

A great folding knife would be a credit card knife. It fits into your wallet so you’ll always have it with you in case of an emergency.

California Pepper Spray Laws

Pepper spray is absolutely legal to carry in California. Pepper spray is also useful as it can repel not just humans but vicious dogs or any other animal as well.  The only time you’ll run into trouble in California with pepper spray is if it’s used offensively.

Related: 10 Awesome Self Defense Gadgets 

Here is the legal jargon on pepper spray:

“Penal Code Title 2: Control of Deadly Weapons Chapter 4: Tear Gas Weapons Article 1: General Provisions Section 12403.7

Notwithstanding any other law, any person may purchase, possess, or use tear gas and tear gas weapons for the projection or release of tear gas if the tear gas and tear gas weapons are used solely for self-defense purposes, subject to the following requirements:

(a) No person convicted of a felony or any crime involving an assault under the laws of the United States, the State of California, or any other state, government, or country or convicted of misuse of tear gas under subdivision (g) shall purchase, possess, or use tear gas or tear gas weapons.

(b) No person who is addicted to any narcotic drug shall purchase, possess, or use tear gas or tear gas weapons.

(c) No person shall sell or furnish any tear gas or tear gas weapon to a minor.

(d) No person who is a minor shall purchase, possess, or use tear gas or tear gas weapons.

(e) (1) No person shall purchase, possess, or use any tear gas weapon that expels a projectile, or that expels the tear gas by any method other than an aerosol spray, or that contains more than 2.5 ounces net weight of aerosol spray.”

 

Tactical Pens Are Legal in California

Are tactical pens legal in California? There is no specific mention of tactical pens in the California penal code, therefore, we must go by the rule if it’s not forbidden then it’s allowed. In a cop forum I was reading they were saying if the pen is just a weapon they can confiscate and charge a felon with carrying a weapon.

That’s why the key is to have a tactical pen with multiple uses, particularly writing. That’s why I love the strike pen by ape survival.

In addition to being a self-defense weapon, it’s also a flashlight, a can opener, a glass breaker, and a screwdriver. Oh, and did I mention it it’s a real pen?  Here’s a real life review of the strike pen which you can get for free just pay to ship.

Whistles

When you think of a self-defense weapon a whistle may not be the first thing that comes to mind but believe me a whistle is one of the best self-defense weapons that you can have! This isn’t an ordinary whistle. Blowing into it creates a sound of a 100 decibels. That’s louder than a jackhammer! Trust me you when I say it’s shrill and loud. You wouldn’t want this blown in your ear. Also, causing a scene by making a lot of noise is a great tool to defend yourself against any surprise attack whether it be a mugger or purse snatcher.

And yes, of course, a whistle is perfectly legal in the State of California.

Categories
Advice for Brothers in Christ

Here’s How to [Really] Find a Wife According to The Bible

Many younger Christian men avoid marriage because they are afraid of choosing the wrong woman to be their spouse. It’s no surprise given all the images we see of men being cleaned out by the wrong woman. I tell you the truth if you learn how to find a wife God’s way you can’t go wrong.

How to Find a Wife According to The Bible

In order to find a wife according to the Bible, a Christian man must demonstrate the characteristics of a Godly man in both his heart and in his conduct. 

What are the characteristics of a Godly man?

A Godly man isn’t afraid to step up and lead or initiate. Scripture tells us in 2 Samuel 10:7,12 ”Be strong, and let us show ourselves courageous for the sake of our people and for the cities of our God; and may the LORD do what is good in His sight.” – 2 Samuel 10:7,12

A Godly man fears only God and speaks the truth in love.

Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. – Proverbs 27:5-6

Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy. – Proverbs 31:8-9

But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence. – 1 Peter 3:15

A Godly man is humble. 

Let the righteous smite me in kindness and reprove me; it is oil upon the head; do not let my head refuse it, for still my prayer is against their wicked deeds. – Psalm 141:5

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:5-7

A Godly man lives to serve the Lord above all else. 

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” – Matthew 6:33

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. – Mark 10:45

Why Christian men should seek a wife

One of the most important things I stress when speaking to Christian men is the importance of finding a Godly wife and, while not to rush, to marry sooner rather than later. The reason this is important is that: let’s face it brothers; the female form is one of, if not the, most powerful weapons the enemy uses against us in our journey towards God. The Lord created the woman for man and the man for woman in the proper channel–marriage.  The thing is it’s much more complicated than that. Sometimes my good intentioned fellow teachers and writers put too much emphasis on marriage–inadvertently leading young men to choose the wrong wife or even leave Christ.

Avoiding corporeal sin is just one reason Christian men should seek marriage. Another important reason is that a good wife is critical to helping a man on the right path to God. It is written in Genesis 2:18The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”. Scientific data bear this out. It is proven that married men live longer, make more money, and are happier than their single counterparts. In order for a Christian man to have a Godly marriage, he must choose a Godly woman who will help him on his journey.

What makes a Godly woman?

That, of course, begs the question of what are the qualities of a Godly woman? There are the classic qualities that many of us have heard

The most important is that she is serious about her faith. She is a kind woman that wants to support her husband and will stick with him through thick and thin.

Scripture about pursuing a woman

It is written in Proverbs 18:22He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” You see the word ‘find’ is written. I strongly believe as men of God it is our job to pursue and court a woman. The world tells us it’s okay for a woman to pursue a man but I feel that is against God’s plan. Any pursuit of a woman should always begin with prayer. We must pray for His guidance when seeking a life companion.

Christian men are targets for gold diggers

How to Find a Christian Wife

I tell you the truth, Christian men are often the targets of gold diggers, scammers, and others with nefarious intentions. Many gold diggers choose Christian men as their targets because they know that God has commanded us to take care of and honor our wives. An acquaintance of mine from college was a good guy but had a serious problem with lust. His goal was to get married right after he graduated to fulfill his desires.

In his words, he wanted “The hottest bod [he] could find”. He ended up with a girl that was Christian in name only. She regularly went to bars, loved to adorn herself with expensive jewelry & clothing, and even got a breast augmentation. She managed to sink her claws into him and despite pretty much everyone telling him she wasn’t the right girl for him (2 pastors even declined to marry them) he married her anyway. Last I heard a year ago she maxed out all of his credit cards, ran up massive debts, and then filed for divorce.

Related: How to Find a Filipino Wife

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Will I Ever Find a Christian Wife?

Absolutely yes! If you are seriously seeking a woman of faith and are following these principles you most definitely should find a Christian wife! These general guidelines will help those of us who are looking for a Christian girlfriend to become our wives.

Date with the intention to marry

The first step is to separate ourselves from the world’s view of dating. The world’s way is not God’s way. The world tells us to play the field and ‘try it before we buy it’ but that’s not what Christ has taught us. It’s important as Christian men that we date with the intention to marry. That doesn’t mean just take the first woman that’s even marginally compatible and shows interest. It means we should be searching for a woman that can become suitable for a life partner.

Looks matter to you and her

Which leads me to my next point. Some people teach that as Christians we shouldn’t look at outward appearance when selecting a mate. As Christians, if we really want a Godly woman our dating pool is limited. The women that are most likely to draw our eye are usually the ones we shouldn’t be dating.  In my opinion, looks absolutely do matter. There has to be some physical attraction. Plus a woman that can’t control her eating probably lacks discipline in other important areas as well.

A good rule of thumb for Christian men to follow is if you can see yourself being intimate with her with the lights on then she’s pretty enough. A good ratio is 30% looks 70% personality. Not the other way around like many younger men like to think.

I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t point out that we too must work to make ourselves physically appealing to a female as well. Remember, women have eyes too. I’m not saying you need to have abs to get a good girl but if one is overweight working to lose some of it will help you tremendously in your search for a suitable spouse. Not to mention as servants of God Christians are commanded to take care of our bodies. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). If you have weight to lose try the 1 Week Diet. It’s the fastest weight loss plan I’ve seen!

Look for consistency in her beliefs

Some women will claim to have Jesus in their hearts but their beliefs are inconsistent. If she tells you that she loves the Lord and is serious about her faith yet can’t recite a single Bible verse verbatim that shows lack of sincerity. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible is just two words “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Think about it, would you take someone seriously who said Star Wars was their favorite movie but couldn’t recite a single line from the film?

Related: A REAL Christian Cafe vs Christian Mingle Comparison

We must be Godly men

Men of God must behave in a manner that bequeaths the teachings of Jesus. If you truly want to be a Godly man there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push her to sin with her body, respect her, and honor her, etc. While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).

Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young lady. She’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with her. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there and you’re seeing her getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job as a man to put the breaks on. Yes, it will hurt her temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt her a lot more if she finds out that you just settled for her. If you’re not feeling it with her despite the fact that she looks good on paper that means God is trying to tell you she’s simply not the right woman for you.

The core of a Christ-like man and husband is to be a leader of his household and stand with honor & integrity. Christian women want a man that shows strength, not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.

We must look in the right places

In order to choose a wife God’s way then we must look in the right places. If we meet a girl at a bar she’s obviously less likely to have the values that God wants us to look for. Church or another distinctive Godly environment is the best choice but there are other options such as Christian dating sites. I met my wife on eHarmony. Read my story of how I met my life partner. eharmony one of the largest Christian datings site in the world. They let you see your matches for free. Check to see if they still do that. Christian Cafe is another great option as they work to actually keep the site as Christian as possible–not to mention it’s Christian owned. If you are adventurous and want to look abroad try Christian Filipina. Many mature Christian men look to the Philippines as the women are traditional and have a more forgiving attitude towards age than western women.

Further Reading: Top 5 Sites to Find a Christian Wife