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Advice for Brothers in Christ

Having Trouble Finding a Christian Girlfriend? Here’s What to Do

My other article How to Find a Christian Wife God’s Way was worded towards those brothers in Christ that are intentionally avoiding marriage. It seems an even bigger issue in the Christian community is brothers who want but don’t know how to find a Christian girlfriend. This article is meant for those brothers.

I’d like to start off by answering a Reddit post…

My 21-Year-Old Christian son has never had a girlfriend. –Reddit Post

My 21-year-old son is a Christian college student and has never dated. Never had a girlfriend that I know of or anything. He’s shy and introverted and doesn’t have many friends period. But he does have lots of hobbies. He plays basketball, plays guitar, and collects gas and oil porcelain signs. He says he does want a wife and kids someday but I don’t know how it will ever happen. No, I don’t think he’s gay. He does talk about liking certain girls but never elaborates much. I’ll ask him if he even talked to them and he says no. He says he’s creepy but he isn’t. And he says he’s afraid of falling into sin with women. What do you think’s going on? What could I possibly do for him? Thanks and God bless.

Advice for parents whose son has never had a girlfriend

If you are a parent and your son is having trouble or simply isn’t ready to pursue a relationship your role is to be supportive and offer helpful tips and advice when solicited but absolutely not to push him. Many Christian parents will unintentionally get pushy and dismissive of their son’s need to stay single for the time being. While I do believe God wants our sons to pursue a wife sooner than later it doesn’t mean they should do so before God says they are ready. When it comes to parenting patience is a virtue and if we push our children too hard we may not only drive them away from us but from Christ and we never want that. Remember, the Lord is the ultimate decider of all things–including your son’s relationship status.

The exception is if you notice your son is having un-Godly sexual desires or tendencies. In that case, its time to intervene NOW and with the assistance of a Christian elder or someone of great Christian wisdom that you trust.

How to find a Christian girlfriend

On to you…If you want to but are having trouble finding a Christian girlfriend then we must first explore the possible reasons why. The first step is to relax. I applaud your desire to pursue a Godly relationship and fulfill your destiny but that doesn’t mean it needs to happen right away. As I told the parents God’s timing is not our timing. That being said the LORD always delivers on time.

The second step is to explore the reasons why you’re having trouble finding a Christ-like girlfriend and how to overcome them. I will go over some common reasons why I’ve seen some brothers in Christ have problems finding a girlfriend.

Make sure you understand what a Godly relationship is

Many brothers will try to pursue a Godly relationship for unGodly reasons. While it is natural and perfectly normal to have those desires that’s not the primary reason the Lord wants us to be partnered. Remember, Christian dating is not the same as worldly dating–not even close.

The people of the world date to have fun and fulfill their carnal desires. Quite frankly, worldly dating is quite demeaning to women despite the insistence of some that it’s empowering to them. Christian dating demands respect of a woman and her body. Worldly dating reduces the female body to a commodity that can be tried and tested before buying–like a used car. Christians, on the other hand, date to find a life partner who will help us on our paths toward Christ.

Let me ask you this brother: Do you know what your role in a relationship is as a man of God? Many brothers are quick to quote that the man is the head of the household but don’t know anything else. Frankly, I cringe when I hear that because it’s been abused by misogynistic men to try to dominate and control women and that’s not what God wants at all.

Next question: Have you read through and meditated on the Biblical marital roles and responsibilities?. Do you understand them in the context of Scripture and even Church tradition? Can you tell me what Ephesians 5 or 1 Corinthians 7 say about your duties as the head of the household?

If you don’t know these things then, I’m sorry, but you’re not ready to pursue a Godly relationship–not even close.

My purpose is not to put you down but to make you understand the possible reason(s) God hasn’t sent a good woman to be a part your life yet. If you’re not ready to spend some time learning and growing to further align yourself with Christ. Then you shouldn’t be surprised God hasn’t sent a companion to you yet. As you align yourself more and more with Christ you will begin to change and more Christian sisters will begin to find you appealing.

Sorry Sam, it’s not just the inside that counts

A buddy of mine was having trouble finding a good Christian girlfriend to walk with him on his path towards the Lord. He had a decent job but whenever he wasn’t at work he’d sit in front of his computer playing WoW all day and eating Cheetos. Needless to say, he was rather…err…portly.

He would confidently say that looks shouldn’t matter to the right girl. Fast forward 5 years and he’s still single. He called me one day almost crying “Jake I’m sick of jacking off into this d*mn rag and watching porn!” he exclaimed. Then he asked why no good girls were interested in him. After years of sugar coating it I was exhausted and just plainly told him “Because you’re fat and a lot of girls don’t like fat guys.”. He just sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity. Finally, he said “yeah, you’re right.” and hung up.

He began exercising and cut these vegetables out of his diet. He worked really hard to get in shape. Eventually, he did it and while he’s still single he’s been on a lot more dates than before.

I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t point out that we too must work to make ourselves physically appealing to a female as well. Remember, women have eyes too. I’m not saying you need to have abs to get a good girl but if one is overweight working to lose some of it will help you tremendously in your search for a suitable spouse. Not to mention as servants of God Christians are commanded to take care of our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)

For shy guys practice makes perfect

There are many brothers that are in decent shape & know their role in a Godly relationship but are simply shy. Women are attracted to confident men who can provide for them and who can make them feel secure. While there is tons of advice on how to gain confidence with varying levels of effectiveness the best thing I’ve seen work again and again is to simply keep trying.

I remember when I was in junior high school I went to my first dance. There was this girl, Katie Allen, that I wanted to dance with so badly. I finally built up the courage to ask her to dance and when I did she laughed in my face and said ‘yeah right’. To tell you the truth I went home and cried that night. I never went to another dance again, even in college.

But once I entered college I decided it was time to try again with women. I started going to the gym as working out helped me feel better about myself and I began to talk to girls. I’m not going to lie and say I never got turned down but the point is I didn’t give up. With each rejection, I learned and grew a thicker skin. It got to the point where my confidence began to show and women started initiating with me.

Your standards could be waaaay too high

Some brothers that take the time to be in good shape, simply won the genetic lottery, or earn good money can get a little too confident and develop standards that are so high they think they are entitled to a girl that is beyond reproach. The baseline standard for all Christian brothers should be a girl that is a believer and preferably one who is serious about her faith. The Bible tells us this in 2 Corinthians 6:14. In my opinion, this also includes avoiding so-called ‘holiday Christians’.

As a young man, it is critical to have a partner that can help you as you begin your life as an adult in this world where Christianity is constantly mocked. I strongly advise against partnering with someone who isn’t a believer with the intention of trying to change them. Remember, they have the wicked world on their side. It’s more likely you’ll be the one that’s driven away from your faith.

Beyond that biblical baseline, we should be open to whomever God sends to us. My sister was having trouble in her dating life when a guy messaged her. He was nice, a Christian, finishing up trucking school, and responsible. The problem was he was portly as well. At first, she wasn’t so sure and asked me what she should do. I told her to pray and look deep in his heart. Today they are married and they have two beautiful children.

In conclusion

If you’re in your teens or early 20’s not having a girlfriend isn’t the end of the world. People are marrying a lot later than they used to. However, as you are approaching your late 20’s and early 30’s if you’re still unable to get a girlfriend despite your best efforts I would begin a deeply personal and spiritual evaluation. Ask yourself why God has decided that you’re still not ready for him to send the right girl in your life. It should be a long painful look in the mirror but the truth shall set you free. You’ll also notice improvement in many aspects of your life–not just getting a Christian girlfriend.

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Dating Site Reviews

A REAL Christian Mingle vs Christian Cafe Comparison

A REAL Christian Mingle vs Christian Cafe Comparison

Many people of faith seeking a partner want to know which site they should try in order to find a Godly spouse. While the two biggest sites out there are eHarmony and Christian Mingle there’s an up n coming competitor out there–Christian Cafe. My desire is to give you an honest comparison between the two in order for you to make an informed decision.  This is my Christian Mingle vs. Christian Cafe comparison.

About other Christian Mingle vs Christian Cafe comparisons, there’s something you should know

There are a few other sites comparing the two companies. I read those reviews as part of my research for this article and there’s something you should know. Most sites will strongly recommend Christian Mingle right off the bat and from what I can tell it’s not necessarily because Christian Mingle is a better site but because Christian Mingle pays higher commissions than Christian Cafe. Now I’ve always been straight with you guys and I’ll tell you that this site too has affiliate links and I’d greatly appreciate it if you used my link to sign up for either site. My promise to you is that my reviews will be written for what’s in the best interest of you, the reader, rather than my small commissions. I’ll also point out that I met my wife on eHarmony.

Related: eHarmony-Is it Worth It?

Christian Mingle vs Christian Cafe Comparison Chart

  Christian Mingle Christian Cafe
Price 29.99 per/mo

 

 

(check price)

34.97 per/mo

 

 

(free 10-day trial)

Number of Users 16 Million 750,000*
Christian owned
Number of cool features

As you can see Christian Mingle has some distinct advantages over Christian Cafe. Namely the price and number of users. For many daters that makes the choice pretty clear but hold on a second. Many Christian daters will appreciate that Christian Cafe is actually Christian owned while Christian Mingle is owned by a big corporate conglomerate–Spark Networks. This is the same company that owns sites such as Attractive World where users must pass a looks test in order to be accepted. I’d say that’s hardly a Christian value.

Christian Cafe pros

In addition, Christian Cafe has some distinct advantages that many daters will like:

  • QuickMatch-A feature which suggests profiles who are compatible in terms of age, faith, location, and relationship goals.
  • Ability to see if your message has been read
  • Photo verification–All photos must be recent & clearly show the users’ face to be approved
  • Inactive profiles are removed–This means you don’t have to worry about sending messages to users that don’t bother to check their profiles
  • Actively managed–The Christian Cafe team doesn’t hesitate to remove troublemakers from the site
  • Faith over finance–They know they could attract more users if they let people to post scantily clad photos in bikinis and short shorts but they don’t allow that
  • It offers ‘cafe’s’–Forums for members to interact with each other
  • Free 7-day trial–Try it before you buy it

So you see while the user base is small it’s active. What good are 16 million or 16 billion users if 3/4 of them haven’t logged in for more than a year? Christian Mingle’s focus is on growth and numbers and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing those who are serious about their faith may be disappointed that their ‘matches’ aren’t as Christian as they’d hoped. Christian Cafe while still a business puts faith over finance and works hard to create a truly Christian environment. This enables people of faith to find Godly matches who share their values. The best thing I liked was the free 10-day trial. This allows daters to see for themselves if the site is the right choice for them.

Christian Cafe cons

In order to keep this article legit, I also need to tell you about the site’s disadvantages

  • The user base is smaller
  • Some people elaborate way too much on their profiles which makes for a lot of reading
  • It costs more than Christian Mingle

Christian Mingle vs Christian Cafe–The Winner?

Overall I’d say Christian Cafe is the winner for sincere Christians looking to find a Godly partner. The simple fact is while the site indeed does have fewer users, its users are more likely to actually be active and people of faith. In the online dating industry all that matters if quantity. Users want to see a gargantuan number of users but that’s ignoring the fact that the whole reason you’re interested in a niche site is that you’re looking for a mate that shares your values. Christian Cafe provides for that environment.

Also, I’ll point out again what is the point of having a lot of users if they’re not active? Christian Cafe’s pruning of inactive profiles ensures a much better user experience as messages you send are much more likely to receive a response.  That being said why not sign up for both? Christian Mingle allows you to see your matches for free while Christian Cafe gives you a 7-day free trial. Therefore you’ve got nothing to lose by trying both out.

Best Christian Dating Site Deals

Christian Cafe:

Christian and Single? Try ChristianCafe.com Free for 10 Days!

Christian Mingle:

Save 10% with the Coupon Code Mingle10

eHarmony:

6-month Subscription Coupon (30% Off a 6-Month Membership at eHarmony.com with code EHLOVE. Valid through 12-31-2019)

12-month Subscription Coupon (15% Off 12-Month Membership at eharmony.com with code HARMONY12. Valid through 12-31-2019)

 

Categories
Advice for Brothers & Sisters in Christ

Why Waiting on God for a Spouse is a ‘Really’ Bad Idea

Some people who are frustrated with the dating scene often give up by telling themselves ‘God will provide’,  ‘I’ll just pray and ask God for a husband or wife” or some other cliche like ‘let go and let God’.  Let me ask you this: If you were hungry would you just pray for God to fill your belly with nutritious food or would you get up and fix yourself something to eat? Why would waiting on God for a wife or a husband be any different?  Just because something doesn’t work at first it doesn’t mean we should just give up and make excuses like telling ourselves that we are waiting on God to send us a spouse.  It just means we need to rethink our strategy and try again.  Finding a partner is about balance.

What does the Bible say?

When the time came for Isaac to take a wife, he took action (rather, his parents did, according to cultural norms): they sent a servant to actively seek a wife (Genesis 24). The servant had certain qualities that he was seeking, and he bathed the process in prayer (verses 12-14). The Lord answered the prayer, and Isaac and Rebekah were married (verse 67).

As Christians, once we know that it is time to start looking for a spouse, we should begin the process with prayer. Committing ourselves to God’s will for our lives is the first step. “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). Delighting in the Lord means we find pleasure in knowing Him and trusting that He will delight us in return. He will put His desires into our hearts. In the context of seeking a spouse, that means desiring for ourselves the type of spouse He desires for us and who He knows will delight us further. Proverbs 3:6 tells us, “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Acknowledging God in the search for a spouse means submitting to His holy will and desires. God is the ultimate decider in all things.

Will God send me a spouse?

To put it simply; no. No one’s going to just knock on your door one day and ask for marriage. If they do call the police. Some Christians will try to use 1 Corinthians 7:27 which says, “Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.”, as an excuse to be lazy and/or give up. However, if we look at the verse right before that Paul also said: “Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are.”. It’s critical that as Christians we don’t cherry pick verses and we must take the Word in context. At that time the early Christians were being persecuted and even killed. That’s why Paul advised against finding a spouse at that time.

So if you keep asking yourself “why is God keeping me single?” you should change that to “why am I keeping myself single?”

The eharmony Difference? Deep Compatibility! Try it Today – Free

Here are some general guidelines for Christians seeking a spouse

Don’t be thirsty

Some people who are looking, instead of giving up, will try too hard to get a man or woman. They’ll settle for someone that they know isn’t right for them or worse for a person that is just using them. I tell you the truth desperation is never attractive. It’s just like the businessman who is trying to grow his business. If he gets too desperate for customers and makes his prices too low then he won’t survive very long. If, however, he works to attract customers by advertising and selling a good quality product at a reasonable price more likely than not the customers will come. He’ll build a reputation as an honest respectable businessman in his community. Soon he’ll no longer need to advertise as much, if at all, and businesses will come to him.

Listen to, don’t just hear, what people are telling you

I had a friend that was single and didn’t want to be. He was befuddled as to why since he was an electrical engineer in decent shape with a good salary. All the girls he talked to were either gold diggers or they wouldn’t call him back after 1 or 2 dates.  I told my friend to consider not talking about himself, his salary,  and his accomplishments so much. I told him that he should really try to get to know the girl he was meeting. He would just shrug me off and keep complaining. You see his problem was he was hearing me but he wasn’t listening. I was trying to tell him that he comes off as cocky and entitled to most women except to those looking for a sugar daddy.

Now he’s 35 & unmarried, and still not having much luck…until recently. Four months ago he called me and finally admitted that he was too cocky and his standards were way too high. He said he was going to make a real effort to curtail his arrogance. Just yesterday he called and said he’s been on 4 dates with a nice woman he met from eHarmony. They’re taking it slow but it looks really good is what he told me.

The truth is not just me but other people have tried to tell him what the true reason (him) that he wasn’t having much luck but he chose not to listen. The bottom line is if someone you trust is giving you hints about your problems so long as it’s congruent with Biblical teachings then it should be considered.

(A)Broaden your horizons

Consider looking abroad for a suitable spouse. More and more people are going abroad for a spouse these days. Many men are because they’re looking for someone younger but still shares their values. Some women like educated men abroad. True story: a good buddy of mine was having a really difficult time with the ladies here. They kept pressuring him to do things he felt weren’t in God’s plan and some even asked for money. In the end he ended up broken-hearted. We (some friends and I) and his parents suggested looking to the Philippines for a wife with good values. Seeing that he’s Filipino it wasn’t a stretch for him so he did. He met a nice woman on Christian Filipina. They talked for 6 months and he finally went there to meet her last July. While they’re not married yet they’re both very happy. He says everything is “so far so good”.

Related: Christian Filipina: The Site to Find a Wife in The Philippines

Look in the right places

If you are looking for a good Christian spouse then you must go where there are good Christians. The first option is the church.

Side note: Just because you meet them at church doesn’t mean they have Jesus in their heart!

The second is online. Dating online as a Christian can be a daunting task that some Christians may be hesitant to undertake. There are sites that will help you with that, though. By going to a site like Christian Mingle the other users are, by default, saying they are Christians and are looking for a Christian partner. Now, does that mean every single person on there is going to be a righteous saint? No. But it makes it a lot easier than having to sift through hundreds if not thousands of profiles to get someone you want. When I signed up the site asks you how often you go to church and how important is your faith to you. This weeds out the lukewarm or those that aren’t that serious about their faith. Check to see if they still do that.

The number one dating site for Christians is eharmony. Their matching system is second to none and they do a great job of weeding out the insincere and those who just aren’t right for you. I met my wife on eHarmony.

Related: eHarmony vs Christian Mingle

Be a righteous person

Over and over I hear Christians ask why they can’t get a good righteous man or woman. The truth is the answer is in the mirror. Do you curse? Gossip? Tell white lies? You may not think people notice those things but they indeed do. If you want to meet a righteous person then you must first be righteous yourself. Notice, I said righteous not perfect. We all sin and will continue to sin for the rest of our lives but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be working to grow and improve. If you make a sincere effort to grow, I tell you the truth, those around you will notice–including a potential mate.

Click Here.

Categories
Dating Site Reviews

East Meets East Asian Dating Review(s)

First, let’s stop with the feel-good PC myth that racial preferences don’t exist. They do, and pretty much all the data everywhere confirm it. On average, white girls are simply not into Asian guys.

The researchers, after controlling for all other attributes (height, weight, attractiveness, etc.), calculated how much extra income (relative to the income of the average online male dater, $62,500) a man would need to overcome the racial barrier. Here are some of the estimates (there weren’t enough data to do all the interracial permutations) of how much each extra income a man would need to be equally appealing to a woman as would a man of her own race:

For equal success with a white woman, an African-American needs to earn an additional $154,000; a Hispanic man needs $77,000; an Asian needs $247,000.

(Source: Single Female Seeking Same-Race Male)

Then there’s the infamous OKCupid study on race-based dating:

(Source: Race and Attraction, 2009 – 2014)

An interesting side note: Asian women prefer white men over their own race! +16% vs +10%

East Meets East is a dating site and match making service seeking to remedy this problem. Their aim is to help Asian American men find love too.

East Meets East Review–Is it Worth it?

The Price: East Meets East is free for women but men have to pay $11.99 per month. A few guys have expressed disappointment and claimed ‘discrimination’ due to their pricing structure. The site’s founder, Mariko Tokioka, explains the pricing structure like this:

“Statistically Asian women are wanted more [by men of other ethnicities], but Asian men are not so much desired.”

It’s basically a supply and demand concept. Whether it’s worth it depends on you. If you are a single Asian man that wants love in his life then I recommend giving East Meets East a try.  Also, it’s not like $12 a month is a huge investment. Apart from being profit it also helps protect the women from guys that aren’t serious.

How East Meets East Dating Works

It’s a pretty standard search with some matching questions to help you along the way. What’s nice is it has some pretty good filters to help you see only the profiles you want to see. One filter allows you to select when the person came to the country. Another one can help you find partners that speak a particular language. They even have a filter to help you and find users of the particular Asian ethnicity that you want (Indonesia, Hmong, Chinese, Japanese, etc). Of course, you can also select for the standard things such as location, age, marital history, children or no children.

Messaging:

Women get full access to messaging upon sign up. Men, however, only get to read previews until they become premium members. The messaging system is pretty standard offering private messaging as well as live chats. Some guys will try to get around the payment requirement by sending a message with their contact information to contact them directly. Many females have said they’re not comfortable with this since they didn’t know them yet. It may work for you or it may not but frankly, I don’t recommend doing this. One of the main grievances Asian women have against Asian men is that they’re cheap.

One female user even commented, “Don’t be stereotype guys!

Smiles:

A favorite of the ladies is the ‘smiles’ feature they have. It’s a friendly way a guy can let a girl know he’s interested without being too forward and sending a direct message. The site lets you know who’s smiled at you and you can check out their profile and see if the feeling is mutual. Just remember many relationships in real life began with a simple!

See Who’s Looking at You:

This is one of my favorite features looking at EME. The site allows you to see who’s been looking at your profile. This is a great way to see the types of folks that you’re attracting and make changes if you need to. Also, it gives you a chance to make the first move!

Profile:

If you want to edit your profile and change your photo, you can do it all from here. Being able to change or add photos from the app is particularly convenient because what do you usually use to take photos? It offers a lot of functionality but I didn’t find the profiles to be anything that was game-changing in the industry.

Here’s What EME’s users liked:

The men liked how the site/app did a lot of the work for them. No more taking the time to send a message to a girl that they’re interested in only to get back “sorry not into Asians” in return. Being on this site gets rid of one of the biggest hurdles Asian men face when trying to date online.  They also liked how the site’s filters did a good job of weeding out women that weren’t actually in America but just seeking a green card.

The women liked that because the men had to pay the men were mostly professionals who were serious. Many female users opined that there were a lot fewer creeps than on other apps like Tinder. Overall female users said that they felt more secure than on other sites.

Overall the site’s biggest strength is that it’s a niche site for Asian men & women seeking a companion. The layout was pretty basic but functional. Asian singles who are serious should also know that eHarmony also has an Asian specific site.

Read my full review of eHarmony

Categories
Dating Site Reviews

The Great Christian Mingle vs eHarmony Debate Finally Settled

You’re tired of sleeping alone and now you’ve decided the time is right to find a life companion. Nowadays there are so many options for online dating and you’re not sure which is for you. For serious daters of faith, the two top choices are eHarmony and ChristianMingle. But which is best? The truth is it depends on you; which is why I have laid out several criteria to help you can make your own decision.  Here is my input for the Christian Mingle vs eHarmony debate.

Christian Mingle vs. eHarmony Comparison Chart

Christian Mingle eHarmony
Price Starts at 59.97 for 3 months

(check current pricing)

Starts at $113.85 for 3 months

(check current pricing)

Number of Users 16 Million 10 Million
Ease of Use
Advanced Matching Algorithm
Best Security Features

Pricing & Value-Toss up*

When it comes to pricing Christian Mingle is the winner hands down. eHarmony is pricey no matter how you slice it but if you’re in the crowd that’s willing to pay for a dating site then price, hopefully, isn’t the only thing you’re looking at. 7-11’s coffee is cheaper than Starbucks’ coffee yet millions more patronize the latter over the former.  So when talking about money we must also look at value. While eharmony is more expensive it offers a great deal more security than Christian Mingle. One, there’s the fact that you must complete the survey before you’ll see your matches. This is a great way to weed out creeps, trolls, and the insincere. Two, they offer a service called RelyID which basically is a background check of the user. You can also set your profile so you’ll only receive messages from people that have undergone the check.

Number of Users Winner-Christian Mingle

No matter how great the matching system is it’s irrelevant if there aren’t a high number of users to choose from. That’s the number one complaint of eHarmony users. There just aren’t as many users to choose from versus other sites. While eHarmony boasts 10 million users only about 750,000 of them are active paying subscribers (the people who could actually respond to your messages) which hasn’t changed since 2012 according to Business Insider. Christian Mingle, on the other hand, has 16 million users with 160,000 of them accessing the site on a daily basis.  Another thing daters need to consider is that both sites tend to cater to crowds that are 30+.

Ease of Use Winner-Christian Mingle

eHarmony users complain that the sign-up process is arduous. In order to view your matches, you have to complete a survey which can take up to 40 minutes. I personally like this as it serves as a security feature and weeds out those that aren’t serious. eHarmony will never be tinder nor are they trying to be. Christian Mingle users generally report the site is easy to use and like its functionality. I liked how I could set up a profile just to see what was there before I spent a lot of time filling out a long questionnaire only to find out that there were no suitable matches for me. The eharmony app only has 1 star in the iTunes store but the company says it has made large investments to improve the user experience on the website and phone app.

Advanced Matching Algorithm Winner-eHarmony

Hands down eHarmony is the winner when it comes to their matching algorithm. eHarmony is the closest thing to hiring a human matchmaker which is what makes it the apogee of all other dating sites in my opinion.  Christian Mingle also has a matching system but it pales in comparison to that of eHarmony. Christian Mingle leaves you to do most of the work yourself while eHarmony does the work for you. That’s what you’re paying for when you use eHarmony.

Security Winner-eHarmony

One of the most important things many females that join dating sites are looking for is security and in that aspect, eHarmony is the clear winner. As mentioned previously the long questionnaire & the price do a great job of weeding out the insincere. Then there’s the fact that you can’t message anyone the system doesn’t match you with.

They also do a good job of protecting their users from romance scammers. When my mother used eHarmony there was a handsome guy that she began interacting with. But then she got an email saying his profile had been deleted because he had been reported for scamming women on other sites. That’s the eHarmony difference. The sad truth about the dating industry is many sites not only do nothing to stop scammers but actually encourage them. Scammers are good at getting people to stay on the site longer which means more $$ for the site owner.

In addition, eHarmony also offers additional security features in their total connect plan including RelyID which is basically a background check service. You can even set your profile to only receive messages from those who have undergone and passed the background check. They also offer a secure video and phone call service where you can video or voice chat with another user without them seeing your contact information. This is something I know many women will love.

Number of Christian Users-Christian Mingle*

Some people say Christian Mingle has more actual Christian users than eHarmony, however, I urge caution when making such statements. While Christian Mingle does boast a higher user count that doesn’t mean they’re actual Christians. To be a Christian one must truly accept Jesus into his/her heart and strive to live a Christ-like life. There’s no machine or computer algorithm that can see if someone truly has the faith in their heart. That being said eHarmony’s matching algorithm may do a better job at weeding out non-Christians than Christian Mingle’s checkbox that merely asks how often you go to church. That is if you want that of course

Related: How to Find a Wife God’s Way

🌟The Winner-eharmony!🌟

I really recommend trying both sites and seeing which one fits you the best.  Both offer the ability to see your matches for free and both sites have their plusses and minuses. I personally met my wife on eHarmony but I know many people who were very happy with Christian Mingle. Then there’s the fact that Christian Mingle has 75% more users. That increases your odds of finding a mate by 75%, supposedly. However, you only need one partner and eHarmony does a lot of the work of digging through the dirt to get the gold for you.

Digging Deeper to Match You Better – eharmony

See Your Matches For Free – Christian Mingle 

Categories
Filipina Dating

Christian Filipina: The Best Site to Find a Wife in The Philippines

Many men who are frustrated with their local dating scene find themselves looking abroad to find the right one. There are many places abroad to find a suitable mate such as Russia, Brazil, and The Philippines. I personally prefer The Philippines for a few reasons. Number 1 the women are quite attractive and 2 they still have good traditional Christian values that many men are seeking.

Related: How to Have a Godly Relationship

The Filipina Appeal

The Filipino people are known for their good nature and sunny disposition. If you go to the Philippines you’ll see a sea of smiles and pleasantness.  Despite the poverty of the country they still manage to look on the bright side of life.

If you want a wife that has traditional values such as cooking, cleaning, and raising wholesome children the Philippines is still the place to get one. A Filipina will treat you how you deserve to be treated and of course, you must do your part which is to honor, cherish, and take care of her.

The Caveat

The main problem I see is many men will go to the Philippines or go on Filipina dating sites, flash their passports, and think they can buy a good wholesome person.  It doesn’t work that way. If all you’re looking for is fun then yes that’s really easy. However, if you want a serious relationship with someone who will truly love and honor you then that takes work.

Here are the biggest mistakes I’ve seen western guys make when searching for a wife:

Mistake 1. Thinking they can buy love. The Philippines is an incredibly cheap place to live if you do it right. The problem is many guys that were barely making it in their home countries now feel like kings when they come here and think they can buy anything including a person. Listen, you can rent someone’s time or even their body but you can never buy love! I do think sending money to your Filipino lover is appropriate at the right time. However, sending money won’t change her feelings for you. If she’s showing the signs that she doesn’t really like you then it’s time to move on.


Mistake 2. Not understanding that there are stark differences between Philippine and Western culture. Just because English is the second language of the Philippines it doesn’t mean traveling to the Philippines is like going from one state to another. Here are some differences that seem to grind the gears of westerners the most. First, when someone gives a time it’s usually a suggestion. Being late is not a social faux-pas in the Philippines–Germans seem to really have a problem with this. Second, things that seem basic to us–like the phone company actually sending you a bill before expecting you to pay it are not necessarily that way.  Third, respect is very important and you could even be deported for disrespecting a Filipino.

Mistake 3. Not paying attention to the warning signs when someone is taking advantage of them. This is mostly caused by guys thinking with the wrong head. They get young women in the prime of their lives throwing themselves at them and they just don’t know how to deal with it. That’s why they ignore the signs that he’s just being used for a green card.

Mistake 4. Being arrogant. As discussed above you can be deported for disrespecting a Filipino but that’s kind of rare. Most likely what will happen is you’ll have a really difficult time in the Philippines. Your service will be slow and people will make a special effort to screw you over and separate you from your money.

Mistake 5. Not understanding that just because a Filipino is friendly and smiling at you it doesn’t mean she actually likes you. This is a polite culture so someone smiling and nodding at you means absolutely nothing.

Now you know what not to do let’s talk about what a foreigner looking for a Filipino wife should do. First and foremost you need to be honest with yourself about what you’re really looking for. If you’re just looking for a hot 20 something for pleasure, to spend time with you, and tell you nice words at night in exchange for financial assistance then be honest about it.

That’s super easy to find in the Philippines and you don’t really need to read any further.  If you’re looking for something serious with no money involved then you’ll have to look harder and be patient. That kind of thing doesn’t come easy. You can, however, speed up the process by going to a reputable dating site. I’ve found that sites that require people to actually pay to join do a good job of weeding out the trolls and scammers.

Why Christian Filipina Solves This Problem For You

As I alluded to above, sites that require people to put their money where their mouths are are good at weeding out trolls and scammers. What I love about Christian Filipina is they go even further than that.

  • They do verification checks on the girls to make sure they are who they say they are
  • The women are checked to make sure they’re not already married,
  • They also have a database of known scammers on the Filipina dating scene.

You can read more about their screening process here. Additionally, the site has a questionnaire which will match you automatically with the most compatible potential partners.

What I don’t like about Christian Filipina

The main drawback of the service is the price. With so many free and cheap dating websites out there, some may find it difficult to pay their prices.

That’s why if you’re not sure whether or not you’re serious about seeking a wife in The Philippines I would recommend Filipino Cupid instead. It’s cheaper but it also doesn’t have nearly the amount of features and screening procedures that Christian Filipina has.

Is Christian Filipina a Scam?

When it comes to online dating you get what you pay for. As I said if you’re just looking for some fun on vacation or a casual then yeah a free dating site will be just fine. Although you’ll end up paying a lot more in money sent to the wrong girl. If you go on a free dating site expect many of the girls to not be employed, have children (and possibly children from multiple men), and request money right away.

Christian Filipina is certainly not a scam, however, if you’re still on the fence check out my list of other Filipino Dating Sites.

Categories
Relationships

Good Godly Dating Advice For Christian Singles

Let me start off by speaking the truth. I had sex before I was married. I’m telling you this because I want to be 100% transparent with you. I’m not proud of it but it’s the truth and I’ve asked for and received forgiveness from God. I don’t like when some Christians act like they are infallible and judgmental so I won’t be like that myself. The truth is being a Christian is harder than ever thanks to all the temptations in today’s society. The very fact that you are seeking godly dating advice is to be commended. Let me start off by giving you the best dating advice for Christians out there. The 2 things I’m about to tell you are the cornerstone of how to have a successful godly relationship.

In a Nutshell

  • Only date other believers
  • Date with the intention to marry
  • It is never too soon to marry the right person
  • Be a godly boyfriend by living with honor & integrity
  • Be a godly girlfriend by living with honor & integrity
  • What would Jesus do?

The Cornerstone of Godly Dating

The 1st piece of advice comes in the form of a bible verse: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14). Seriously, if you choose someone that is an unbeliever the relationship almost is doomed to be ungodly. Why? Because he or she will have the entire wicked world on their side.

The 2nd piece of advice is this: Always date to marry and never date just to date.

As Christians we must align our lives with the teachings of Christ as much as possible. If we date just to date our chances of giving in to our bodily temptations increase exponentially. Remember Jesus told us that even looking at a woman with lust a sin against God (Matthew 5:28). Therefore it is important that we try to marry as young as is practical. God doesn’t hate sex. He loves sex and wants us to enjoy our bodies and our partners–just in the right way. Just as gluttony being a sin doesn’t mean God hates eating; the prohibition of sex before marriage doesn’t mean God merely tolerates physical pleasure. God made woman to satisfy man and God made man to satisfy woman.

Collect & Select is Not Biblical

Why can’t we just play the field and settle down when we find someone we like?

Many brothers in Christ ask this question and its understandable but let us first be honest about the roots of this question. Do you seriously expect to date multiple women for years and even decades but never have sex? Or is that the point? The worldly male desire to spread his seed among many females. Collect & select or ‘dating around’ is what those who have succumb to their bodily desires do. Not that’s not to say that you should just settle down for the first girl you meet but truthfully speaking if you date with the intention to marry you will naturally select the right woman for you sooner rather than later.

When I was single I dated women for their bodies and justified it in my mind as ‘making sure I get the right one’. The truth is I had no intention on settling down for most of the girls I was dating.  Once I accepted Christ back into my life it wasn’t long before I signed up for a Christian oriented dating site and found my beautiful wife Nicole.

Related: Is eHarmony Worth it?

How to Be a Godly Boyfriend

If you truly want to be a godly boyfriend there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push her to sin with her body, respect her, and honor her etc. While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).

Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young lady. She’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with her. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there and you’re seeing her getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job as a man to put the breaks on. Yes it will hurt her temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt her a lot more if she finds out that you just settled for her.

The core of a Christ-like boyfriend and husband is to be a leader and stand with honor & integrity. Women want a man that shows strength, not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.

How to Be a Godly Girlfriend

If you truly want to be a godly girlfriend which, will eventually become a godly wife, then you need to make sure your values are also Christ-like. Your goal should be to help him grow in his relationship with Christ so he can be a steward of the marriage. When you see him drifting away from his faith your role is to encourage him in a gentle loving way (Romans 1:12). That doesn’t mean nagging! We guys hate that. A good girlfriend supports her man’s hobbies and godly ambitions (Philippians 2:4).

I love camping. Its a big part of my life but my girlfriend, now wife, wasn’t into it that much so I would just go without her with my buddies. One day she had a change of heart and really decided to open her mind to it. Now, I only camp with her and it made our relationship stronger. In fact, her willingness to support me in something she wasn’t really into is a big part of what made me decide to marry her. The boyfriend/girlfriend stage is only meant to be a transitional phase between single life and married life. Which leads me to my next tip.

Next piece of advice: It’s never too soon to get married*

Many Christians struggle with the question of when is the right time to get married. I strongly believe so long as you’ve followed the biblical principles* in selecting a companion in the first place it’s never too soon to get married. In fact, I don’t advise that Christian couples date longer than a year. If after a year you’re not ready to walk down the aisle then that probably isn’t the relationship God wants for you.

Historically, people got married in their teens and early 20’s. Now people are waiting until their 30’s or even 40’s to tie the knot. Here’s why it’s best to marry as soon as possible –and no it’s not just about giving in to bodily desires.

    • Scientific research has shown that a woman’s best eggs come out first. Therefore starting a family sooner rather than later means it’s less likely to produce a child with autism or Down syndrome.
    • The longer you wait to marry the significantly greater chance you have at succumbing to your bodily desires. Your companion will be there to satisfy your needs once you are married.
    • When you get married young it’s easier to grow together. Once you reach your 30’s and 40’s you’ve already formed your habits and traditions and its much harder to adjust to having a life companion. Whereas when you both start off young you form your habits and traditions together.

Christians follow the advice of Christ

The modern world tells you it’s better to wait as long as possible to marry. They say if you wait you won’t get divorced. If that’s true then tell me why is it that in Utah they get married younger than the rest of the nation and the state has the lowest divorce rate in the nation? Not to mention it’s also the happiest state in the union.

You see, that’s what the world doesn’t tell you. You can’t just take one biblical principle, throw it in the goulash of sin and it when doesn’t work use it to try to disprove Christ. We must put all the biblical principles together in order for the system to work like a perfectly oiled machine. People that irresponsibly date for lust and get married right away do have a higher chance of divorce. People that date with the intention of being with someone for the rest of their lives not only stay together but are happier. And yes; young adults who were raised in a responsible Godly environment are capable of making such an important decision.

What does the bible say on marrying young?

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)  The world will tell you to date and hold out until nearly the last possible second to get married. That is not advisable. Remember in the beginning of this article I told you my wife and I sinned before marriage? It was because we waited more than a year to get married.

Since, as a Christian, you are dating with the intention to marry that means you’re choosing a companion that is the best for you and will help you on your walk with Christ. After one year you should know whether or not he/she is the right one for you. That’s why I recommend after one year together it’s time to have a serious discussion about the progression of the relationship.

What would Jesus do?

Jesus told us that he would always be with us. His corporeal form may be deceased but the son of God never left us. Whenever you have a question or a doubt about something imagine Jesus is standing right next to you. Do you think he would approve of what you want to do? Maybe you and your girlfriend just got into a bad argument and an attractive woman messages you on Facebook. Before you begin making excuses in your head to entertain her think about whether or not Jesus would approve. Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t have the financial status you hoped for and your handsome boss winks at you. Just as yourself “what would Jesus do”?

Meet the Right One

If you are single and ready for a long lasting relationship that could lead to marriage then I recommend looking in the right places. Other than church you can meet other believers online in sites like eHarmony, Christian Mingle. or Christian Filipina.

Christian Dating Deals:

Christian Mingle:

Save 10% with the Coupon Code Mingle10

eHarmony:

6 month Subscription Coupon (30% Off a 6-Month Membership at eHarmony.com with code EHLOVE. Valid through 12-31-2018)

12 month Subscription Coupon (15% Off 12-Month Membership at eharmony.com with code HARMONY12. Valid through 12-31-2018)

Christian Cafe:

Christian and Single? Try ChristianCafe.com Free for 10 Days!

Categories
Dating Site Reviews Relationships

Is eHarmony Worth It? Here’s What Happened to Me

Okay, so you’re sick and tired of being single. You want a serious relationship and you know eharmony’s matching system is world famous for matching people who are looking for a long term relationship leading to marriage. You’ve done the questionnaire and you’re about to pay but then you ask yourself “Is eharmony worth it?”. Put another way is eharmony worth the price they are charging?

There’s no denying that there many free dating sites out there and even cheaper ones. The truth is when it comes to dating sites you get what you pay for. Could you find the love of your dreams on say Christian Cafe or OkCupid? Yes!

But you’re going to have to dig through a lot, and I mean a lot, of dirt before you get to any gold. By dirt, I mean people that aren’t serious, creeps, guys that say they want a real relationship but in reality just want have multiple girlfriends or a woman that says she wants a ‘good guy’ but in reality just wants a good looking jerk who will siphon her bank account.

Related: eharmony vs Christian Mingle and Honest Comparison

eHarmony 2019 Review: the truth about eharmony

First, you have to enter your basic information and then go through a questionnaire. Unlike before you don’t have to do the whole 40-minute survey to get started. There you’ll answer some questions about what you like and how you perceive the world. I did the whole survey because I wanted to get the best matches.

There are multiple types of questions that appear on this compatible partners test. The most common survey questions are of the ‘scale’ variety, which asks you to rate the importance of something from a scale of 1 to 7 with 1 reflecting ‘not important, none, rarely, etc.’ and 7 reflecting the opposite end with ‘very important, always, strongly agree, etc.’ The next type is ‘multiple choice’ where you can choose one or more answers to reflect your views and opinions. In addition, there is also ‘true or false’, questions as well as short ‘text’ questions, which require you to write a short answer of around twenty words or more. There’s no denying it takes a while to complete the survey but for me, this is a strong point because again it weeds out those who aren’t serious.

After finally finishing the survey I got to see my matches. It matched me with about 20 girls but many of them were kind of far (as in the order 15 miles away). Which leads me to my biggest grievance with the site–there weren’t as many options as I’d like. However, that could be because I’m a fairly ‘unique’ individual and plus once you get done weeding and weeding there just isn’t that much left considering guys like me make up 20% of the population or less.  Despite the limited options I went ahead and paid for a basic plan.

eHarmony prices are as follows:

When I used it eharmony’s pricing is split into two tiers which they call a basic plan and a ‘total connect’ plan. Check their current pricing.

Feature Basic Total Connect
Send and receive messages from other members
Fast track the communication process by skipping the four guided communication steps
See who’s looked at your profile
RelyID (your membership information is verified)
Secure Call (make anonymous voice calls to other members to protect your information)
Premium Personality Profile (extended personality profile)

Additional features

RelyID is a feature where your membership information is verified and you can see other members who have also been verified. This is quite important to ensure that you’re talking to an actual person and that he is who he says he is. Secure Call is a pretty awesome feature that allows you to make anonymous calls to other members, with their consent, from your personal phone without the other person knowing your number or location. This is a big safety feature that will ensure that in case you’re not into the person you’re talking to there will be no additional unwanted phone calls. Premium Personality Profile If you’re not satisfied with the basic personality profile the Total Connect plan allows you to have access to a premium personality profile. This profile is way more in-depth which allows you to get matches with an even higher level of compatibility.

Is eharmony worth the money?

As you can see eharmony is not a bargain basement website–nor do they want to be. The purpose of this site is to connect people that are serious and are looking for marriage.
  • It’s not for people who are lazy
  • It’s not for people who are looking to hookup
  • Finally, it’s not for people who are just looking for a sugar daddy/mommy
If you identify as any of these things then you should go to tinder instead. If, however, you are serious and are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with then this is the perfect service for you. By the way here are some other costs of other dating methods you may not have considered.
The Bar Scene Drinks $20+ per night
Church Tithes, offerings, and donations $30+ per Sunday/Meeting
Staying Home Alone Movie rental fees, Haagen-Dazs, Popcorn $15+ per night

The truth about eharmony

Unlike the majority of dating sites out there where you have to sift or swipe through countless profiles to find a match eharmony takes care of that part, the most arduous part, for you. They send you matches every day and you decide whether or not to message them.

Now I’m not going to lie just say that one day the girl of my dreams appeared in my inbox and it was love at first site. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I initially thought she was too nerdy for me. However, something kept drawing me back to her profile and after 3-4 days I decided to message her and I’m so glad I did…

Turns out she was a systems analyst, serious about her faith, and looking for a life companion.  I’ll be 100% honest and say that she wasn’t the most beautiful girl I’ve laid eyes on but I truly believe she is what God sent to me. To tell you the truth I’ll probably never be on the cover of a model magazine either. Let me be clear I couldn’t be more proud that she is now my wife. I think that’s the best part of my experience with eharmony. I didn’t get the hot Barbie millionaire, instead, I got the girl that GOD wanted for me and I am forever grateful to Him and eharmony for that.

As a thank you for reading my story here are some special coupons for eharmony

6 month Subscription Coupon (30% Off a 6-Month Membership at eHarmony.com with code EHLOVE. Valid through 12-31-2019)

12 month Subscription Coupon (15% Off 12-Month Membership at eharmony.com with code HARMONY12. Valid through 12-31-2018)

Categories
Relationships

Single for The Holidays? Here’s What to Do

Are all of your friends are getting married around you and seem happy as can be? Are you worried about being single forever? Then read this to learn how to stop being single. **Warning** I’m writing this article to actually help you get a boyfriend or girlfriend. This article is for people who genuinely want to know how not to be single anymore. Not just the same fluff and tired cliches such as: “there are many fish in the sea” or “it’s great to be single so love it” or “Communication is key” that you’re used to hearing. If you are truly sick and tired of being a single women or tired of being a single man then we’re going to go down a deep journey to see what the problem really is and most importantly how to solve it.

As a life coach/counselor that specializes in relationship advice and teaching people how to get a loving partner there’s almost always one theme that comes up in my office. Seriously, it doesn’t matter whether their  black, white, Asian, tall, short, fat, or thin almost all of my clients ask me the same question!

How do I get a good man or woman?!

Let us go over a few things I often see and then go over some useful relationship advice to help you get the man you deserve!

 

If you are a man are you really looking for a girlfriend?

Many men say they are looking for a relationship as it seems more socially palatable to them but in truth what they really want is a fuck buddy. Be honest about it. You can find willing partners who aren’t looking for anything serious on places like Ashely Madison. I might alienate a few readers but based on my experience and what I’ve seen an open ‘relationship’ is not a genuine relationship.

Related: Why Open Relationships Don’t Work

If a relationship needs to be open in order to survive that means one or both partners aren’t getting what they need from the relationship whether it be sexual satisfaction, emotional satisfaction, or both. While there may be a few legitimate open ‘relationships’ most are relationships of convenience. A fundamental principle of any real relationship is commitment; the very thing an open ‘relationship’ lacks by design. So, without further ado let’s go over a few reasons why so many men & women that want a good partner are not able to get one.

Please keep in mind this is me trying to help you. My goal is not to put anyone down or make them feel bad. My goal is to give you knowledge and tools that you need so that you too can walk down the aisle and say “I do” sooner rather than much much later.

That being said I am going to give it to you straight because that’s how I roll. Lying doesn’t help anyone except the liar is what my mother used to say.

Perpetually single men & women tend to be waaaayyyyy too picky!

                                                                                   Want Relationship Advice? Don’t be like this!

 

Seriously, this comes up over and over and…..again and…..again in my office.

Example #1: You have the 50-year-old heavy set guy that wants a 21-year-old DD cup but also insists the expenses be split 50/50

Example #2: You have the African American man that only wants to date white women and wouldn’t be caught dead with a black woman.

Example #3: There’s the gorgeous guy who knows it and thinks anyone who’s worthy of him should be as gorgeous as he is or a billionaire.

Example #4: The Asian woman that only wants to date white men, not other Asians, and wouldn’t be caught dead with a black man.

Example #5: The Asian man who thinks the best way to impress a girl is to brag about his grades.

Example #6: The woman that expects to land a guy that makes 6 figures and be a chief executive even though she only graduated from high school and is overweight

Here’s some stats that may shock you.

2/3 of the adult population is overweight. That means most of the guys and gals that you encounter will be overweight.

Interracial marriages are at an all time high in America. Therefore being more open minded can only work to your benefit.

Bottom line: Your expectations need to match what you have to offer!

Perpetually single men & women have unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should look like

We all have that ideal image of what a relationship should look like. We imagine a wonderful partner that’s always smiling, great communication, and great sex. As a person in the mental health industry I want to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth! Most relationships consist of disagreements and conflict with moments of great happiness & joy.

The thing is those moments of happiness bring so much joy (in a healthy relationship) that it makes everything else worth it! Having a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t typically solve one’s internal issues–it only exacerbates them.  Too often I have female clients tell me that they just need a boyfriend so badly when in reality what they need is a therapist.

Bottom line: A partner is supposed to compliment you not complete you!

Okay so how do I get a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Now I’ve told you what’s wrong its time to tell you what’s right. Next, we will go over the things that are necessary for a successful partnership to come into being.

There may be many fish in the sea but what about your bait?

Sorry Samantha it’s not just the inside that counts. The first step is to open the door and you do that by making yourself as appealing as possible physically. Look, we’ve all heard as children that ‘its what’s on the inside that counts’  and we also know if we’ve spent any time at all on tinder, that nothing could be further from the truth.  Your looks open the door and it’s your personality that keeps them in.

The popular online mental health website Psychology Today featured an article that stated:

…men’s arousal patterns has repeatedly emphasized their sensitivity to visual cues. As soon as the lust-inspiring image registers in their brain, they become turned-on—not only physically but psychologically, too.

If you are single and looking I strongly recommend losing weight if you have weight to lose. Yes, there is a small community of chubby chasers out there but this is a numbers game. The more people you appeal to physically the higher your chances of finding your future husband. I’ve recommended the Fat Decimator System plan over and over to clients seeking to lose weight with great feedback.  The truth is the key to weight loss is sitting right on your kitchen table. Also, keeping yourself neat and tidy with good posture will go a long way towards attracting a date!

If dieting isn’t your thing that’s okay you can still lose weight by exercising at home. I personally love the bodyboss 2.0 portable home gym. It gives a complete workout yet it’s compact enough to fit into a briefcase!

You are what you attract

A lot of clients aren’t happy with the types of people they are attracting. Maybe they’re attracting so-called ‘wierdos’ or people that just don’t appeal to them at all.

Sorry to say but 9 times out of 10 who you are attracting is an accurate reflection of the way the world perceives you.

If you’re constantly attracting an image that you don’t like that means its time to have a long painful look in the mirror and ask yourself why that type of person finds you appealing.

Flexibility, not communication, is key

By now you should be seeing a common theme throughout this article. If you want to get a boyfriend or a husband you’ve got to be flexible. Oh, and I’m sooo tired of hearing that old trope that communication is the key.

Communication doesn’t mean jack crap if all you’re communicating is that it’s your way or the highway. I’m sure someone’s going to write in the comments that they are not desperate and shouldn’t have to accept less.

No I’m not saying to just take the next thing that shows you interest, okay…

  1. What I am saying is if you’re 50 lbs overweight chances are high the women you will appeal to are also going to be overweight.  Therefore unless you’re willing to do the work to lose some weight you need to be flexible enough to accept an overweight partner.
  2. What I’m saying is if you tend to be the type of person that ‘tells it like it is’ then don’t expect a partner that is thoughtful with their words.
  3. What I’m saying is if you have bad acne then maybe you can’t expect a girl with beautiful clear skin.
  4. What I’m saying is if you are earning close to or near minimum wage it may not be realistic to attract a guy that earns 180k. Unless you’re young, thin, and willing to be with someone significantly older and/or heavier than you

Personality is often the problem

Okay, so you’re a decent looking guy or girl who is already fairly flexible but still can’t find a boyfriend or girlfriend. If that’s the case then it most likely is your personality that’s the problem. Sorry to be harsh but it’s what I see way more often than not. Do you have quirks that most people find unbearable? Do you couple your flexibility with entitlement?

Some people that are flexible think that gives them a right to be entitled.

She should do this for me since I’m willing to date her!

I once had an Asian client tell me how irritated she was with her black boyfriend because he wouldn’t give her sex every night. After making sure there wasn’t an attraction or medical issue I explained that maybe he was just tired.

My client then exclaimed:

“Yeah but look at me! So many guys want to date me and I went for a black guy! He should be grateful I’m even with him! “

Unsurprisingly a few sessions later she told me they had broken up. Attitude is everything guys! No one should have to endure dating someone that feels a sense of entitlement for dating them. When I say be flexible I mean be humbly flexible.

Bottom line: Relationships are about love and respect, not keeping score and doing favors.

Think about what you can offer

People don’t like to think of romantic relationships as transactional but the truth is they are. Just like employment, friendship, or any other sort of relationship if both sides don’t perceive sufficient benefit from the relationship that relationship doesn’t happen. Two years ago I had a client that was 34 years old, working part-time, and living with his mom. He asked why he can’t get a well-educated woman. After asking him if he would want to date someone in his situation he looked down and answered with his silence.

Too often I hear clients talk about what they want in a companion. Too rarely do I hear them talk about what they have to offer a companion.

Relationships are give and take!   If you’re not willing to, or you simply can’t, give don’t expect others to let you take.

Those fixated on what they can get usually don’t realize how little they have to give. 

Another thing I want to clarify right away is that sex isn’t enough. You can be the best in bed but if that’s all you’ve got the relationship won’t last.

What’s the BEST way to stop being single?

I know what many of you reading this may have gone through. Rejection by family and friends, mistreatment by others community, constantly judged because of your appearance. I get it being single can suck sometimes but we must always look at the bright side of life.  Being positive will attract good things to you while being negative won’t.

If you are finding it difficult to stay positive then check out Manifestation Wizardry. It’s free and it will help you to beget the mental discipline you need to get not just a successful relationship but also a successful life!

Stay positive!

If you want to attract positive things into your life, such as a loving relationship, then you must be positive yourself. That means not snapping at every irritation, being kind and helpful, and not always saying whatever’s on your mind. In other words, you must have the mental discipline to succeed not just in getting a man or woman but getting a good life!

Typically, I avoid discussing my personal life on here but I will tell you a story. I have two friends. Let’s call one Ed and the other Jerome. They’re both African American men here in Minnesota.

Ed, despite all the crap he’s been through he has a positive attitude and a positive outlook on life. Contrast that to Jerome who is an angry person. He’s a great guy and I love him but his constant rants about racism and the ‘white man’ can really wear a person down.

Anyway, its no surprise that Ed is doing well in his life. He has a good number of friends, a loving wife, and is earning good money. While Jerome, sadly, isn’t. He’s always moving from place to place, working random jobs, and of course is single. He always blames everything on his skin color despite the fact that he knows Ed is also African American and doing quite well.  His energy, not his skin color, is what enables his poor quality of life.

If despite all the junk you get on tinder or facebook you can still maintain a positive outlook on your life and relationships I promise your chances of achieving true love will be significantly higher than otherwise. A big part of staying positive is to exercise! Exercise causes the release of endorphins in the brain which improve mood dramatically.

Look in the right places!

Where are you looking for partners? Tinder? Bars? The clubs? Then you shouldn’t be surprised if all you’re meeting are guys or girls that aren’t serious. My mother used to always say ‘if you go to the dump you’re gonna get trash’. While I’m not saying people on tinder or in bars & clubs are trash I am saying they’re less likely to be serious about wanting to settle down with someone.

If you want to meet someone serious then you need to go to a place where people are serious. Many women met their husbands at church or in college. If you want to look for guys or girls online then go to a site where people have to pay to join. It’s a fact that people that put their money where their mouths are tend to be more serious. I really like eHarmony as they do the matching for you and you don’t have to worry about being messaged by people you’re not interested in. They also offer a RevID service that verifies that the guy you’re talking to is who he says he is. Match.com is another good one and third is ChristianCafe.com

Here’s How to Get a Good Boyfriend or Girlfriend

  1. Look in the right places! Go to dating sites where people are serious and they put their money where their mouth is!
  2. Stay Positive! I strongly recommend manifestation techniques to help you manifest a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife into your life.
  3. Be as physically appealing as possible! No looks aren’t everything but you’ll make it 100x easier for yourself if you’re in good shape.
  4. Flexibility is key! Our dating pools are limited. Just remember that the next time you’re composing your laundry list of no’s.
Categories
Self Defense

A REAL Survival Frog Micro Scream Whistle Review

I was looking for an inexpensive and effective self defense tool and I found it with the micro scream whistle by survival frog. That’s why I am reviewing it today for you. It’s a solidly constructed whistle that has no pea, works, and is very loud. I got one for my mom, sister, and grandma. An added bonus is that because it’s orange and comes with a key ring it makes it more difficult to lose your keys as well!

Here are my keys taken with a cheap crappy low light cell phone camera. As you can see the whistle makes my keys stand out like a sore thumb.

Is a scream whistle really a good self defense tool?

Most certainly yes! I saw a video on the Today Show where a convicted serial mugger said that he was about to a mug a woman but she blew a whistle causing him to run away. Most attackers want the element of surprise and don’t want a lot of attention drawn to themselves. This whistle is over 100 decibels which will indeed draw a lot of attention!

Here is someone blowing the whistle to demonstate loud it is:

  • Unlike a gun or a knife the scream whistle can be taken anywhere including on an airplane. My mother flew to Miami cross country with the scream whistle on her keys and had absolutely no problem with the TSA.
  • Because of the key ring the scream whistle is most likely always going to be with you in a convenient easy to reach location such as your pocket, unlike pepper spray. No everyday carry self defense weapon is going to be of any use to you if you can’t get to it in a split second in an emergency.
  • Unlike other self defense weapons the scream whistle is unlikely to be taken from you and used against you. I read a story of how a rapist used a woman’s own pepper spray against her.

What are some other uses for the Micro Scream Whistle?

Key loss prevention. Instead of spending $20+ I just use a bright orange whistle on my keys. It’s simple and it works. The bright orange color makes my keys visible no matter where they are.  It’s also a great self defense tool. I once saw a video on the Today Show™ where a mugger said a potential victim blew her whistle and it made him run away.

Stop animal attacks. Imagine you’re doing your morning walk when a vicious dog approaches you. This whistle is so loud it’s enough to be unbearable to an animal with superior hearing like a dog. One woman used it to stop a mountain lion from attacking her.

Dealing with kids. We all know how loud a group of unruly children can be. This whistle will be enough to trump over even the loudest most rambunctious youngsters.

Get the scream whistle free