Many Christian sisters have met a guy but they’re not entirely sure he’s on the up and up. Or they just don’t want to put their hearts on the line only to find out he’s just another jerk that’s not serious or worse a guy that just wants to use you. The most important thing a woman can do when getting to know a guy is to try to take the emotion out of it as much as possible. I know that’s (a lot) easier said than done but your biggest defense against creeps, jerks, and scammers is your objectivity.
My sister had met a guy that I could tell she was falling for because he was so charming. My entire family knew he wasn’t right for her but telling her directly not to date him wouldn’t have gone well and we knew it. That’s why we decided to be tactful and asked her to ask some questions. I even wrote them down for her and now I’m giving them to you.
Spiritual questions to ask a guy before falling in love:
- What do you do for a living? The Bible says a man’s role is to take care of his wife. A Godly man that is searching for a wife should only do so if he has to means to provide for her or is seriously working to obtain them.
- Who do you live with?
- How often do you go to church? If he says every Sunday ask him what did the preacher talk about last Sunday.
- Ask him what is his role in the relationship. If he just spits out ‘the man is the head of the household’ and nothing else, run. That’s the sign of a domineering control freak.
- What’s your favorite bible verse? I wouldn’t take any man seriously if he claims to be a man of God but couldn’t recite at least one Bible verse. Come on, the shortest verse only has two words! (Jesus wept)
- Do you think a couple should wait until marriage to have sex? Many women are afraid to talk about it too soon but it’s imperative that you set proper expectations from jump!
- Do you have any kids? You must ask this! If he’s got 3 kids from 3 different women that’s not a sign of a responsible individual. You can say we all make mistakes but remember that’s 3 kids and 3 different other women you’re going to have to deal with throughout the relationship.
- What does being in a relationship do for you? In other words, you want to know why he’s looking for a relationship in the first place.
- How many relationships have you been in? Too many relationships aren’t good and neither is being in none if he’s over 30.
Communication of expectations is key
Do you see a pattern here? You want to know what his expectations are in a relationship and if they are congruent with yours. If they’re not then you need to be tactfully upfront and let him know. Incongruent expectations lead to unanticipated outcomes. If he’s actually into you and is a decent person he’ll try to be flexible (as should you) to make it work. If not then its better to end it now than after you’ve gotten your feelings involved and put your heart on the line.
These spiritual questions are a good start but you mustn’t come off like you’re interviewing him! If you do he’ll know you’re on to him and will just tell you what you want to hear like most of us do in job interviews. These questions must be asked in a conversational format is what I’m saying. Some women who’ve been hurt try to become interrogators an inadvertently drive good guys away.
Red flags: If he says he’s ‘an entrepreneur’
Nowadays every woman and her sister read women’s advice columns and us guys know it too. Many men have come up with ways to answer these questions in a manner which will placate you even though they’re really not the type of guy that you’re looking for. If they are evasive with their answers that’s a red flag and cause to terminate the prenatal relationship.
When you ask what he does for a living and he doesn’t give you a clear job title but responds with something like “I’m an entrepreneur” you need to dig deeper ladies. An ‘entrepreneur’ can mean anything. That being said there are true entrepreneurs out there and they are to be admired, not mocked. To find out if he’s a true entrepreneur or just a loser you need to look for the following aspects:
- Does he always talk about his business? A true struggling entrepreneur should be living and breathing his business. If you ask any successful business person they’ll tell you that in the beginning, their business was their life.
- Ask him how many businesses he’s had in the last 4 years. A good entrepreneur is focused on making one business a success. If he’s always pivoting from one thing to the next that’s a sign that he’s not responsible and lacks focus and discipline.
- Check to see if he’s doing Multi-level Marketing. While I do have a few friends (like 1 or 2) that have managed to do well in those Amway types of businesses most people that try it do not. Even worse, he could be more interested in you as a recruit than as a girlfriend! If you insist on dating someone that’s doing MLM don’t ask how long he’s been doing it, better to ask how many people he has in his team or downline. MLM is about getting as many people on your team as possible. It has very little to do with selling an actual product or service.
- Ask him how many clients he has and how long have they been with him. An entrepreneur should have at least a few clients or customers by their 3rd or 4th month depending upon their product or service. Another thing to watch out for is if his clients are always leaving and he’s always having to recruit new ones. I’m an internet entrepreneur who promotes dating sites; Christian Mingle & Eharmony are my two main clients. They’ve been with me for years and I’ve gotten several performance bonuses because I’m honest about their plusses and minuses.
Related: Eharmony vs Christian Mingle
Red flags: if he’s got multiple kids with multiple women
In my honest opinion, a man with multiple children from various women is a deal breaker. God forgive me but I wouldn’t allow my daughter to go anywhere near a guy like that and neither should you date a guy like that. Guys like that often know how to play a woman. They know what to say to make you think he’s changed and is a ‘new man’. One of the biggest tricks is to go after Christian women and tell them how they found Jesus after their sinful life and tell them that they’re just looking for a girl to give them a chance.
Well, chances are good they’re really looking for a girl to help them with their child support payments. By the way, if you marry a man with child support payments in the arrears the government can go after any joint assets you have. A friend of my mother’s got her bank account cleaned out by Uncle Sam because she put her husband’s name on it and he had back child support payments. Jesus may accept anybody but that doesn’t mean you have to.
Questions not to ask a guy when beginning a relationship
While doing the research for this article I read a lot of women’s blogs and what they advise women to ask men. I’ve never laughed so much in my life! I’ve got to say that it seems many of those bloggers are single because some of those questions were just stupid and/or would drive most good guys away.
Don’t ask a guy under any circumstances:
- How much money do you make?
- What kinds of gifts he likes to give
- How much his car cost
- Do you like shopping for a woman?
- How many sexual partners he’s had (you can get a good idea as you guys talk more about his past)
- Do you like to spoil a girl?
- How big his penis is (seriously, I had a girl ask that and then get mad when I didn’t take her seriously anymore)
Yes, that last one is real. Ladies, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t expect a Godly gentleman to also be okay with you asking those sorts of questions. If you ask these questions I’m willing to bet money that the guy will stop talking to you pretty soon thereafter. Unless of course, he’s a player or a scammer in which case he’ll feel less bad about screwing you over because he’ll think you’re just a nosy gold digger.
Yes, you should ascertain whether a guy has means to take care of himself or not but you can do that by asking what he does for a living and other questions. Remember we guys want good girls who will stick with us through thick and thin. While most guys don’t mind treating a girl very few of us want to be a sugar daddy and those that do want a female in that’s pretty and in her 20’s.
Wrapping it up
Ladies, only you can determine if this guy is the right man for you. Many people will tell you to follow your heart but that’s the worst thing you can do; following your brain is much better! What good is a cute charming guy if he’s broke and always asking for cash? What good is a hypermasculine guy if he’s not even man enough to take care of his kids? Do you really want a ‘lady’s man’ that’s also a ‘ladies man’?