When it Comes to Christian International Dating You Get Out What You Put In

Jesus was walking along the path one day when he saw a fig tree that was barren. He knew that figs were in season but this particular tree, despite taking the Earth’s resources in sunlight and rain chose not to give anything back in the form of fruits. That is why Jesus cursed the fig tree causing it to die and wither away.

Relationships are the same way. If you want something you have to give something. Otherwise, your relationship is cursed just like the fig tree. Often Filipinos seeking a relationship with foreign men have the attitude that because they are dating someone older than them that means he should be the only one to give. Foreign guys often think that because they are the ones shouldering the expenses that his partner should be a servant.

You’re not like that…oh really?

Relationships aren’t about keeping score, they are about respect. Many of my readers have heard me say this before and their response is almost always: Oh I’m not like them. 

Are you sure? You say you want a genuine relationship but yet in the first conversations with a new guy you’re complaining about your financial woes or that your phone is crappy and needs to be replaced. Honestly speaking who cares if your phone is crap? Get a job, save some money, and get a better phone. Would you walk up to a stranger in the mall and tell him your phone is crappy and expect him to care? So why should some random person you just met on skype?

Are you sure? You say you want someone that will genuinely love you but yet in the first conversations you’re asking her to send you photos of her chest and do dirty video calls with you. Who cares if you are horny and it’s been a long time? Whether you like it or not most young women aren’t interested in men twice their age because they are exceptionally handsome to them. If you want her to genuinely love you then you need to show her that your interest in her is genuine through deeds & time, not money.

What do you really want?

Be honest. If you fall into either of those categories then you’re not looking for love. You’re looking for a one-sided relationship that benefits you. The good news is most people in this category get what they deserve which is nothing. Most Filipinas looking for cash just end up wasting a whole lot of time for nothing and most foreigners just looking for ‘young & fresh meat’ end up older and more alone than they were before. Serves them right.

Listen, if you’re not willing to love someone 20 years your senior with no money involved then you have no business talking to men from the west.

If you’re not willing to love someone who requires that you shoulder most of the expenses but still expects to be treated as an equal then you have no business talking to Filipinas.

Don’t Muzzle The Ox

Think about your past relationships with people. If you had a friend that was constantly coming over to your home, eating your food, and watching TV yet never gave anything back would you keep that friend very long? We both know the answer to that. The Bible says not to muzzle the ox pulling the grain wheel for a reason. If the ox is putting effort into pulling the wheel then give him his just due.

If your partner is shouldering all the expenses then give him his due. I understand you may not be able to afford an expensive gift but you can make something for him. You can do other things to show him you are sincere and no I don’t just mean nice words. Talk is cheap.

Related: Signs A Filipina Actually Likes You

Hell Hath No Fury

Arne Erhard Johansen is 70-year-old Dane living in Iloilo City in The Philippines. He was recently hospitalized clinging on to his life after suffering multiple stab wounds to his abdomen. His Filipina girlfriend says that he stabbed himself after an argument with her. Most other expats believe that she stabbed him after he informed her the relationship was coming to a close and he never intended to give her a visa to Europe.

Blessel Ong was a 49-year-old Filipina that was killed by her husband in California. It is rumored that she was killed after informing her husband that she was filing for divorce after she received her residency in The United States. Rather than spending the rest of his life in prison the husband then killed himself.

I’m not saying this is the norm but this is what can happen when you date someone for the wrong reasons. Mutual exploitation is still exploitation and it’s wrong. These people paid the ultimate price for their misdeeds. Hell hath no fury like a person slighted by a lover.

Related: The Trust Costs of Marrying a Filipina

Where to Start

In order for a relationship to work both sides must be willing to invest in it. A relationship where only one side is giving is cursed just like the fig tree. Money and sex aren’t anywhere near close enough to what it takes to make a relationship work.

The first step is to have the right attitude. Whether he is 10, 20, or even 30 years older than you he is still your equal. Even if she is poor he is still your equal. If you are willing to invest to be matched with someone who understands this concept then set up a profile with a good international Christian dating site and make the investment. But even if you meet someone on Facebook or any other free site you will still have to make an investment if you expect a relationship, or anything else in life, to work out for you.

See: Christian Filipina Review

Build a Strong Foundation

When it comes to dating building a strong foundation is paramount to your relationship succeeding. Too often we Christians base our relationships on superficial things such as beauty and wealth. While those are factors that’s not the most important factor.

The most important determinant to whether your relationship and marriage will succeed or fail is whether or not your partner is your best friend. Studies show the best friends tend to have longer healthier romantic relationships than not. While a beautiful woman or the prospect of a better life is okay to open the door, what keeps them in will be the number of things you have in common and how strong those things are. Shared interests are the ultimate glue to hold your relationship together.

Related: How to Find a Christian Wife God’s Way

The Paradox of Choice

One of the biggest issues men looking to date internationally will face is the paradox of choice. Specifically, that you have so many different women to chose from it’s almost impossible to pick one since you’re afraid of missing out.

Related: Dating Filipinas Over 35 The Dating World’s Best Kept Secret

This is a problem for local dating thanks to the internet and is greatly exacerbated in international dating since you’ll undoubtedly have beautiful women in the prime of their lives throwing themselves at you. No one, including me, can tell you which one to pick but truthfully you should pick a woman that truly seems to share the most common interests with. After that, it should be the one you are most physically attracted to. That way you’ll have both the personality and physical aspects covered.

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