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Advice for Sisters in Christ

8 Practical Tips to Get Christian Guys to Like You (Written By a Guy)

A lot of good Christian women like you are frustrated because they can’t get a serious partner. That’s why you hear them saying things like, “all men are liars and cheaters” or “There aren’t any good guys out there”.  That’s why I am writing this article to help you get a guy of good moral character to be your loving husband.

How to Get a Christian Guy to Like You

  • Say Yes
  • Consider alternatives to Tinder and Bumble
  • Try to be interesting
  • Participate in discussion groups
  • Don’t be desperate
  • Stay positive
  • Confidence is key
  • Check your expectations

Say Yes

If a guy asks you on a date, say yes unless you feel unsafe. Sometimes God sends us the best gifts wrapped in plain-looking paper. Closing the door to someone because he isn’t necessarily your type could be blocking your blessing.

Even if he doesn’t turn out to be your next husband going on more dates will help you to better communicate with and understand men better. It could also show you areas of opportunity for your own growth. By saying yes and going on more dates you’ll be better prepared for when you go on a date with that guy you really have a crush on.

Consider Alternatives to Tinder

If you’re looking for a serious Christian partner then apps like Tinder and Bumble are probably the worst places to look. Most guys on those apps are looking to get laid more than a girl to take home to mom.

Moreover, those apps teach users to devalue each other and make quick harsh judgments on potential partners. A single photograph and a small blurb are not enough to assess someone’s character for dating. Plus it can leave users feeling demoralized and hopeless. I have an article on best Christian dating sites if you want a serious partner.

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

1 Corinthians 15:33

Try to Be Interesting, Not Sexual

Far too often I see women just posting pictures that are too revealing and hoping to attract a good guy. BORING! Will a picture in your bra attract a guy? Sure.  But if you want to attract a good Christan guy you need to show something that is unique and interesting about you. Almost every woman out there loves good food, traveling, and some sort of animal. Try to think of something special about you that you can put on your dating profile.

Just a friendly tip, most guys who plaster their profiles with semi-nude photos of themselves  are just looking for attention, sex, or money, not love

Whether we like it or not physical desire will always be part of a guy’s reasons for seeking a partner. A woman who is modest and shows that she is worth the wait will attract the right guys and repel the wrong ones.

Participate in Discussion Groups

Participate in discussion groups on Facebook. Guys want a girl who can carry on a decent conversation. Nobody wants a relationship that consists of ‘hi, have you eaten yet?’ and ‘so…what are you doing now’. So lame…

By participating in discussions you’re showing that you have the capacity to engage in real and interesting conversation. Participating in discussion groups will teach you how to communicate with men more effectively so you’ll be ready when you go into messenger chats.

A Zero is Better Than a Negative

Desperation is never attractive and guys are just naturally more attracted to women that don’t need them. That’s why you notice whenever you’re in a relationship guys start coming out of the woodwork declaring that they like you. If you send a guy messages begging for a relationship or just coming off as thirsty he won’t respect you, at best, and, at worse, he may take advantage of you. When it comes to relationships always remember a zero is better than a negative.

Yes, it’s okay to say you are looking for a long term relationship (LTR), in fact, I encourage it, but you should also add ‘with the right guy for me’. So instead of saying “I’m looking for an LTR”, when he asks what you are looking for you can say, “I’m looking for an LTR with the right person who loves God.”

Positivity is What You Need!

Be positive! Please don’t spend your conversations complaining about how your ex treated you or how everyone you’ve talked to asks you for money or inappropriate photos. Trust me, nobody wants to hear that and you’ll just come off as some bitter, desperate woman.

Most of the time the only guys that will stick around after listening to you drone on about your ex will be the guys who just want something from you. When you are talking to a guy try to stay positive, he’s not your therapist. Remember, the purpose of the first few conversations is to find things that you have in common and to find out if he shares your values and objectives in life. Read my article on how long Christians Should Date Before Marriage. 

Confidence is Key!

Be confident. Most guys are attracted to women who are confident and can hold their own.  Very few men these days want a needy woman who can’t provide for herself. Even if you don’t have the flattest tummy or the prettiest face, you can still be attractive in his eyes if you are confident about yourself.

Oh, and it’s a huge turn off when you complain about your physical features fishing for compliments. The best way to be confident is to focus on your strengths instead of your perceived shortcomings. If you’re intelligent and a hard working woman, focus on that instead of your physical attributes. You can also go to niche sites and apps that fit you. I highly recommend Christian women try out eHarmony, they do a lot to weed out creeps and it’s an oasis in the desert of mainstream dating culture.

Related: Best Christian Dating Sites for Women

Check Your Expectations

We all want the best partner we can get and there’s nothing wrong with that, but, it’s important that we keep our expectations in line with what we have to offer. I see far too many women who are simply way too picky and are frustrated because they’re still single. Clearly, I’m not suggesting you go out with a guy who makes you grimace when you look at him or a loser that doesn’t have a job or any means of supporting himself. I am suggesting you take a long quiet time to reflect on what you are expecting your future partner to be and what you have to offer in exchange. Only you can decide what you’re willing to be flexible on and what you must have.

In Summary

Finding a guy isn’t rocket science. Too many women make getting a date far more complicated than it has to be. If you are single and don’t want to be then you should just put yourself out there and meet people. Every dud will get you one step closer to that date that may turn into your next husband.

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Advice for Sisters in Christ

Signs God Wants You to Break Up With Your Boyfriend (Written by a Guy)

One of my friends called me up and said “You know Pete and I have been dating for 3 years. He says he’s happy but he won’t marry me. He’s a godly man but he keeps saying it’s not the right time yet. What do I do?”.  From my observations, I already knew the answer but I had to figure out how to tell her in a way that she would accept.

Letting Go of a Godly Man

It’s never easy letting go of someone you’ve invested so much time and energy in. Letting go of someone who isn’t a complete jerk can be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do in your life, but it’s the right thing to do. The reason being is because if you keep holding on to someone who isn’t right for you then you’re really blocking God’s blessing for you.

Will God Tell Me to Break Up With My Boyfriend?

It can be difficult to know when to let go of a relationship. First and foremost God is in control of everything including our relationships. That means it’s time to let go when God tells you it’s time to move on. Here are some solid signs God is telling you to let go of your relationship.

1. He Won’t Marry You

As Christians, the ultimate goal of any romantic relationship should be marriage. I’m not a fan of strict timelines but more often than not after a year of dating, you both should know whether or not marriage is in your futures.

If you’ve been dating a guy more than a year or longer and he won’t marry you and is constantly making excuses then it’s a sign that he thinks he can do better and is holding out for another girl to come into his life.

Maybe he keeps telling you that he wants to wait for the right time? Or worse “it’s just a piece of paper. Why do we need a piece of paper to prove our love?”. If it’s just a piece of paper then why is he running from it? If it’s just a piece of paper then he should do it for no other reason than to make you (his partner) happy.

Obviously, there are exceptions if you both are still in school or you both have made the decision it’s not the right time just yet but more often than not it’s the guy who’s dragging his feet.

Just an observation: Almost all of the happy successful Christian marriages I’ve seen the couple got married in a year or less.

Big sign it’s time to move on

A huge, gargantuan, colossal sign it may be time to move on is if he calls you his wife from time to time (especially in business conversations) but he won’t actually marry you. That means he understands the social benefits of a being married but not the commitment behind it.  Ladies, please don’t allow yourselves to be used in the way.

2. You Still Don’t Trust Them

It’s cliché because it’s true. Trust is the foundation of any relationship whether it be friends, family, or your partner if you don’t trust that person then the relationship will never work.

Provisional Trust vs. Complete Trust

There are two forms of trust: Provisional trust and Complete Trust. Provisional trust is the level of trust that we should give to most people we don’t know. This trust is the trust everyone should get for nothing more than being a child of God. It’s the blank slate to let them show how they are. Complete trust is earned through deeds and takes time. For some that trust takes months or years to earn, for others a few days or a few weeks.

If after a year or more you don’t completely trust him that’s probably a sign God wants you to go elsewhere. You know you completely trust him when you don’t feel the need to check his phone every now and then. If you can tell him your deepest secrets and not be worried he’ll use them against you in an argument or when it is convenient that means you completely trust him.

3. He Won’t Make Major Sacrifices For You

My wife and I met online and we talked for a year before we met in person (she was in The Philippines). When I told her I was coming to see her, her boss wouldn’t grant her leave request so she quit her job just to see me. That was with no guarantee that I would marry her. Once I realized how important it was for her to stay in her province to take care of her grandmother who raised her I gave up everything to move to her province just to be with her.

Those are the sort of sacrifices that you two should be willing to make for each other. The greatest pleasure in a relationship is not physical intimacy. The greatest pleasure in a relationship is derived from sacrificing yourself and your needs for the person you love.  When you truly love someone their needs should come before yours.  If you’re the one always doing the sacrificing and he just has clever excuses why he ‘can’t’ make a sacrifice for you then its time to let go.

4. He doesn’t respect you

Have you seen the movie Joy Luck Club? You really should. In of the stories Wavery Jong discovers her husband is cheating on her. She initially tries to save her marriage by being a doormat and asking him what he wants her to do to save the marriage. He just scoffs at her and moves on about his business. Finally, she tells him “this is my house. You need to get out of my house. You can leave but you won’t get my house”.  He smiles and you can see the love return to his face.

The point? He didn’t respect her which is why he took her for granted. Once she asserted herself he respected her once again.

You should never, ever, marry someone, or even be with someone, who doesn’t respect you. He’ll treat you as a doormat and once he’s done wiping his feet replace you with another one.

How to Let Go of Someone You Love

The first step to letting go is to make sure that God is the one telling you to let go. That begins with prayer. Take some time in a quiet place and make a long prayer, 15 min +,  asking Him what your next move should be.

FYI Just because he wants to spend time watching the game with his friends instead of shopping with you at the mall is not a sign from God to break it off.   I’m going to give some possible signs but the real sign God is telling you to move on is with a cool head you’ve decided that staying in this relationship would make you unhappy more than happy.

Begin the process of letting go by remembering the reason you’re doing so. If you’re hesitant just remember the reasons you’ve decided it’s time to cut him loose. Whenever you think to yourself ‘well what if he changes’ just remember all the times he said he would change yet you’re right back to where you started.

Another suggestion is to write down the reasons you broke up with him in a journal. Then whenever you have a weak moment you’ll have that to reference.

Can God Restore a Relationship?

God is in the business of restoration. It also depends on what type of relationship you’re talking about. However, I have seen God restoring relationships in my life as well as hearing about it in other peoples lives. When you pray earnestly, know that you are praying to the God that created the heavens and the earth. Know that you cannot lie to the Holy Spirit because the Holy Spirit resides in you. Pray earnestly and honestly.

Pray first for God to restore your relationship with him if there are any parts that are broken, and then pray for God to soften the other person’s heart. When God gets a hold both of you, bringing both of you together in His will is not impossible. Seek first to be in good communion with the Holy Spirit that is in you. You can be praying and praying, but make sure you are not uttering empty phrases like the Pharisees. Make sure your heart is right with God. Surrender yourself to God.

Pray earnestly and honestly

A better question to ask yourself is if God should restore this relationship? If the relationship is more toxic than good then why would you want such a thing to be restored? Asking God to restore a toxic relationship is like asking God to re-inflict you with a chronic disease.

Final Thoughts

When it comes to Christian dating there is such a thing as dating too long. While there are no strict timelines dating someone for too long is not a good thing. Namely, because you’re more likely to succumb to the temptation to sin and the fact that couples that date for years and years. Just remember co-habitation increases the likelihood you’ll become a single mother by a factor of 10 (source).

  1. The goal of any Godly relationship should be marriage. If your relationship isn’t on the path then it isn’t the one God wants you in.
  2. Co-habitation increases the chances of self motherhood tenfold
  3. There are many signs it’s time to break up with your boyfriend. I’ve only included the most solid, universal relationships in this article
  4. Any decision to break up should be preceded by prayer
  5. Three months after the breakup you’ll still feel that it was the right thing to do
  6. When you are ready to date the one God wants you to marry read my article on How to Find a Godly Man God’s Way

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Advice for Sisters in Christ

How to Find a God Fearing Man God’s Way

How many times have you told yourself “I want a good husband but there’s nothing out there!”? Read this article to help you achieve your dream of living a happy married life.

How to Get a Christian Husband

Tip 1: We all have gifts and flaws, focus on your gifts rather than your flaws

I am not handsome and I have no problem saying it either. However, I am a hard worker who can offer a potential partner a better life than she had before. That was my gift. When I was single I didn’t spend my time dwelling on the fact that I am not handsome. Instead, I focussed on what I CAN offer a potential partner and I don’t just mean money. I could offer my love and loyalty to her. I could offer the fact that I won’t try to trade her for a prettier girl once she starts getting older.

Tip 2: Be helpful

This is so important and yet I don’t see enough women doing it.  God made women for men because, frankly, men need women. Most of the time the woman is the rock of the relationship although we guys are afraid to admit it. Being a single guy can be tough and most men would welcome a woman’s touch in many aspects of his life. When I was dating my wife one of the things that piqued my interest was her kind and helpful nature. I remember a mutual friend’s puppy was causing a ruckus in his house. She picked him up and with her gorgeous feminine hands lovingly wiped the slobber off his mouth with a paper towel, smiled at him, and softly told him to ‘relax baby’. After that, the puppy calmed down and I knew this girl was the one.

Men notice when a woman is kind, patient, and helpful. If you adopt these princples your future husband will notice too.

Tip 3: Don’t push for a commitment too quickly

Men are afraid of commitment. That’s just the way it is and the quickest way to scare a man away is to push for a commitment too quickly. In general, the guys that will commit quickly aren’t the guys you really want in the first place.

That being said I’m not saying just give him the milk for free so he doesn’t have to buy the cow. There are ways to make him want you without pushing for a commitment quickly.

  1. Let him know through your actions that you don’t need him. Men are attracted to women that like them but don’t need them. In this day n age, very few men are interested in a super needy woman and the ones that are interested are mostly just looking to take advantage of a woman. If a guy sees that after he didn’t call you back that you’re not going to run after him and blow up his phone that’s a signal to him that you’re a confident woman.
  2. Never be afraid to walk away from a sale. When I was younger I had a sales job for a major phone company in the US. My sales were lagging and I was having to give away way too many freebies to close each deal. I was in danger of losing my job. I decided to talk to a co-worker who was one of the top performers and he gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever had. He told me “your problem is you’re too afraid of losing the deal and they sense that. If you want to be successful you can’t be afraid to walk away from a sale”. After hearing that and understanding what it meant I became one of the top performers in the company. Those words stuck with me 10 years later. It doesn’t matter how much you like the guy if he’s giving you nonsense don’t be afraid to walk away. Many guys will test your convictions by testing to see how far they can push you. If you’re not afraid to walk away you’ll pass every time.

Tip 4: Try to get on board with some of his hobbies

Try to get onboard with some of our hobbies: There are some things we’ll never understand about each other. Like why you need so many shoes. Or why you need to buy a new dress just because a friend of yours bought the exact same one you got on sale a week ago.

You’ll probably never understand why we’re into sports or games and why our idea of getting together with friends is sitting on a couch with beers in hand, watching a game in a silence that’s only broken when a player fumbles or makes a winning basket. You don’t get it. We don’t get it either. Just let us be. Tell us when we’re going overboard, but let us have our hobbies and distractions. If we wanted to go check out an art opening, trust me we would’ve already been there by now.

Try to find something you both can enjoy and it will help you to bond with your man much quicker and easier.

Tip 6: Men Need Support and Encouragement Too

We guys like support and encouragement, just like you do: Before you ask us to give up on one of our -admittedly ridiculous- projects, give us a chance. Give us some support and encouragement so that even if we fail, we can say we failed with pride, knowing we did all that we could. We try to encourage you to get into things that you like, even though we may not understand it, like art, fashion, dancing and so on. So next time we have an absurd idea, like the vest equivalent of a beer helmet, support us, instead of turning it down without another word.

Tip 7: Be a Godly Woman

I won’t preach to you about being a Proverbs 31 woman so let me just tell you that you can protect yourself from a lot of heartaches by being a person of integrity. If all you’re looking for is a sugar daddy then expect to have a domineering and controlling partner.

That’s the only reason most men are willing to be sugar daddies.  In addition, there are other things to look out for: Claiming love too quickly, quick to anger, promising lavish gifts, constantly bringing up how much money he’s spending on you, not respecting your sexual boundaries. Those are all signs of an abusive man.

Tip 8: Meet Him in the Right Places

If you want to get a good Christian man then you need to go where the good Christian men are. Of course, start at your church but the male/female ratios in many churches aren’t in your favor so you may need to look elsewhere. I met my wife on eharmony. Read my story, but there are other great sites as well. Christian Cafe is a good choice as they are Christian owned and operated. You can use this link to get a free trial with no credit card required. Christian mingle is the world’s largest Christian dating website and they let you set up an account for free and see your matches.

Related: Christian Mingle vs Eharmony

Lastly, be very careful who you take relationship advice from.

What I mean specifically is be wary of advice from single people. Just from my experience, I’ve noticed single people are always the first to tell you to break up with someone. Even if they are not intentionally trying to keep you single like them I’ve seen that tendency. When listening to advice its important to remember the source. Who would you rather take career advice from? A CEO or an Office Assistant? Both can offer decent feedback but let us be honest most of us would rather listen to a CEO.

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Advice for Sisters in Christ

Here’s Why a Christian Woman Pursuing a Man is a REALLY Bad Idea

Many Christian sisters ask me if it’s okay for a woman to pursue a man. The question is understandable given the images we see of worldly women going after the men that they like. But remember the world’s way is not God’s way. I strongly advise Christian women not to pursue men. Christians tend to be old school and the old school says a man should pursue a woman (Proverbs 18:22 says it too). So many Christian men might perceive being pursued by a woman as a sign of thirst or worse that’s she’s easy!

Related: What Christian Guys Look for in a Girl

A young lady I was counseling asked me six years ago if she should pursue a young man that she really liked. I told her she could send signals that she was interested but she should let him pursue her if he’s interested. She kept calling back with excuses like “but maybe he’s just shy!” or “it’s the modern era now!”. Finally, I told her:

Denise [not her real name], I’ve already advised you on what you should do. Women should not pursue men no matter what the world tells you is okay. God set things up the way he did because he knew what was best for us. However, It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind with what you want to do and I can’t stop you.

She went on and pursued him and they began a relationship and she was so happy at first. She even made veiled gloats towards me when she saw me at church and made sure to tell me they were talking about marriage.  When they got engaged and seemed so happy I even took a step back and asked God if I was telling young women the right thing by advising them not to pursue men.

Then about 6 months later she became ill like she never had been before. It went away and she just figured she had a bad flu. However, lesions began to appear on her skin. She went to the doctor and they drew some blood. One week later the doctor called her into his office, sat her down, and informed her she was HIV positive. The news got worse. The doctor said she had scarring in her uterus and it may never be able to support an egg. In other words, she was possibly infertile.

Turns out her lover was a secret homosexual and would sneak around with men one or two weekends a month. He only went out with her as a cover from his family and was never going to marry her.  He got the virus and transmitted it to her. I say this only to let you know that every time we violate God’s law because we think we know better there are always unforeseen consequences.

If a guy likes you he will pursue you in one way or another. Read my article on signs a guy likes you.

Tired of waiting? Meet real Christian Singles on Christian Mingle today! Use this link to see your matches for free!

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Advice for Sisters in Christ

REAL Signs a Godly Man Likes You (Written by a Godly Man)

Are you looking for the signs that a godly man is pursuing you? Despite what we may have been told guys can be shy as well and there are many situations where just coming out and declaring his love just isn’t possible. Whether it be because he’s at work or just doesn’t want to make the situation awkward. That’s why many Godly guys will give signs that he likes you.

While there may be subtle differences from person-to-person they all revolve around the same thing: a tendency to be in your company as much as possible.

You will recognize them by their fruits…

Matthew 7:16

Signs a Godly man is interested in you:

The first sign is that he’s nicer to you than to other girls

A Godly man should treat all women with kindness and respect but a Godly man that is interested in you will give you a little extra. Maybe you’ll notice he’s always opening the door for you or offering to carry your bag whenever he sees you. You can also notice him asking if your car is okay or something like that and offering to fix it even it’s a minor thing. This is to demonstrate his handy skills and show you his masculinity.

The second sign is making an effort to be near you

Is he always sitting next to you or near you in church, work, class, or wherever? Does he walk with you when he sees you? You’ll start noticing a guy that likes you making excuses to see you and be near you. He should also be willing to go out of his way for you. If a guy gives you a ride home when you live on the west side of town but he lives on the east side that’s a very good sign he likes you.

The third sign is he’s asking about your relationship status

Some men, like me, would just straight up ask ‘are you single?’ but some guys are more subtle than that. He may try to get you to volunteer your relationship status. If a guy is interested in you then you should notice questions like “so what do you do on weekends?” or “I’ve been single for 3 years how about you?”. If it seems like he’s trying to get you to spill your guts about relationship status that’s a great sign he likes you!

The fourth sign is in his eyes

Edgar Allen Poe said the eyes are the windows to the soul and it couldn’t be truer to tell if a guy likes you or not. Next time you see him look more closely at his facial expressions during your interactions. You want to look for pupil dilation as that’s an uncontrollable sign of desire. You also want to see if he raises his eyebrows or licks his lips when he’s talking to you. Also is his smile wide? What I mean is when he smiles at you do all of his front teeth show? When men like someone we tend to smile wider than normal without even noticing it.

The fifth sign is that he really listens to you

I admit it; we guys aren’t necessarily the best listeners but we try our best. What you’ll notice from a guy that really likes you is him making an effort to really listen to you. We know women liked to be listened to and when we like her we’ll definitely listen–especially for signs that the feeling is mutual.

When I was single I used to play therapist to get a girl to like me. Trust me ladies if a guy is playing therapist, unless he has a degree in psychology or something, it’s not because he enjoys listening to you gossip or complaining about your problems with the other woman down the hall, it’s because he likes you and is trying to gain your trust.

The sixth sign he likes you is he’s testing your faith

When I was single and looking the most important thing I was looking for in a wife was her conviction to Jesus. Unfortunately, Christian men can be the favorite target of gold diggers because they know we are obligated by our faith to take care of our wives and fulfill their needs. That’s why I needed to make sure she was serious about God and not just in Christian groups and websites just to find a good guy to take advantage of.

Related: Christian Mingle vs Eharmony Which is Best for Christian Dating

If a nice lady caught my eye I’d observe her carefully. I’d ask myself “Does she go to church every Sunday?” “If she came to church was she late every Sunday?”. “Was she dressed appropriately for a church function or dressed to appeal to a man?”. I can’t believe how many women come to church dressed like they’re in a nightclub and then can’t figure out why they only get guys looking for one thing! In other words, I wanted to know not only if she talked the talk but did she walk the walk in her faith.

Next, I wanted to know what her beliefs were to see if they were congruent with mine. Obviously, we were both Christians but how literally did she take the Bible? Was growing in her faith a priority for her? Did she actually enjoy being a Christian or was she just in church out of tradition or because she was single?

The seventh sign is that he compliments you…a lot

Men know that women like compliments and when we like a girl we like to compliment her. It’s not even something we think about. When we see her the first thing we say is “oh that’s a pretty dress” or “oh your perfume smells nice” without even thinking about it. Some of the younger brothers may say that you’ve lost weight thinking it’s a compliment. Don’t take this personally ladies; he’s just inexperienced but trust me he meant it as a compliment.

The eighth sign is that he tries to protect you

Guys have a natural instinct to defend girls from threats whether they be animals, other guys, or even plants. If you see him watching out for you then that’s a good sign. If someone inadvertently says something you don’t like he may speak up on your behalf. When I was courting my wife I’d swat insects away from her without even knowing what I was doing until after the fact.

The ninth sign he likes you is that he introduces you to his friends & family

A guy looking for a wife will want the approval of his friends and family. That’s why if he likes you he may introduce you to his friends to get their opinion of you before he proceeds. Usually, he’ll introduce you to his best friend or someone else close to him since their opinions are the ones he trusts the most.

The tenth sign a Godly man likes you is people compliment you two

Your friends might say something like ‘oh you two look great together’ or people may even think you’re already a couple. If this happens just ask him ‘I wonder why people keep saying we look good together? I guess it must be true’. That’ll be a good hint to him that you’re interested in him as well.

The eleventh sign a guy likes you is if he’s jealous

How does he react when he sees you talking to other guys? When a man likes a woman he hates to see her talking to other single guys. He may try to play it cool but trust me he’s steaming on the inside. You can tell if he comes around and politely interrupts every time he sees you talking to another guy. If he asks if you like him after you’ve talked to another guy that means he’s jealous. He may probe further about your feelings for the other guy. This is the way we guys size up our competition.

Beware of false signs!

Sometimes when a girl gets the tickles for a guy she starts making up signs in her mind to convince herself the guy likes her. That’s why, if you notice, I didn’t just say ‘pray and ask God for direction’. While any question should begin with prayer we must look objectively and listen for God’s answer.

In my church, the leader of our praise team is quite handsome and charming. Many of the young ladies had him in their sights during morning worship. Some would even try to convince themselves he liked them back. They would say he looked at them a long time during the praise songs. The truth is those lights are quite bright and he’s not looking at anyone. When he’s staring down it’s because the lights are so bright he’s trying to give his eyes some relief.

Most guys out of high school understand the onus is on them to let a girl know he’s interested. That means if he likes you he’ll make it known sooner or later. You don’t need to sit there and ponder so hard about it. If maybe you are talkative I would advise you to tone it down a bit and focus more on listening than speaking. God gave us two ears but only one mouth for a reason.

Should a Godly woman pursue a man?

Many Christian sisters ask me if it’s okay for a woman to pursue a man. The question is understandable given the images we see of worldly women going after the men that they like. But remember the world’s way is not God’s way. I strongly advise Christian women not to pursue men. Christians tend to be old school and the old school says a man should pursue a woman (Proverbs 18:22 says it too). So many Christian men might perceive being pursued by a woman as a sign of thirst or worse that’s she’s easy!

Related: What Christian Guys Look for in a Girl

A young lady I was counseling asked me six years ago if she should pursue a young man that she really liked. I told her she could send signals that she was interested but she should let him pursue her if he’s interested. She kept calling back with excuses like “but maybe he’s just shy!” or “it’s the modern era now!”. Finally, I told her “Denise [not her real name], I’ve already advised you on what you should do. Women should not pursue men no matter what the world tells you is okay. God set things up the way he did because he knew what was best for us. However, It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind with what you want to do and I can’t stop you”.

She went on and pursued him and they began a relationship and she was so happy at first. She even made veiled gloats towards me when she saw me at church and made sure to tell me they were talking about marriage.  When they got engaged and seemed so happy I even took a step back and asked God if I was telling young women the right thing by advising them not to pursue men.

Then about 6 months later she became ill like she never had been before. It went away and she just figured she had a bad flu. However, lesions began to appear on her skin. She went to the doctor and they drew some blood. One week later the doctor called her into his office, sat her down, and informed her she was HIV positive. The news got worse. The doctor said she had scarring in her uterus and it may never be able to support an egg. In other words, she was possibly infertile.

Turns out her lover was a secret homosexual and would sneak around with men one or two weekends a month. He only went out with her as a cover from his family and was never going to marry her.  He got the virus and transmitted it to her. I say this only to let you know that every time we violate God’s law because we think we know better there are always unforeseen consequences.

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Advice for Sisters in Christ

What Christian Guys Look For in a Girl-It’s Not What You Think

Often times when Christian women wonder what Christian guys look for in a girl they automatically think about the body.  I won’t lie the female body is nice that’s not what most of us Christian guys really look for when we are looking for a suitable wife. Yes being pretty and having a nice body will get guys to notice you but that’s not what makes guys (of any faith) put a ring on it.

Here are some characteristics that Christian guys are looking for in a potential wife.

The truth

Here’s the truth ladies. Men need women in order to be happy. Look at single old women who are taking dancing lessons, growing gardens, and traveling the world. Then look at single old guys who just eat canned tuna and spend all days cursing at the TV. What does that tell you?

Lovingness, kindness, & helpfulness

Men love women that are caring and helpful. The truth is men need women so we’re looking for a woman will be helpful and stand by us when we’re down.  Now that doesn’t mean try to get a man by being a doormat. What it means is guys like to see a girl that is overall helpful and nurturing.

I remember 7 years ago I was over my then girlfriend’s, now wife’s, parent’s house and they had just gotten a puppy. The dog had been playing and had drool all over his mouth.  I saw how she picked up the puppy so lovingly and carefully wiped his mouth clean with her very beautiful feminine hands with a paper towel.  From that day on I knew she was marriage material.

We want a girl that is patient, kind, and helpful. While the yelling loud-mouthed woman may be entertaining to watch on television I guarantee you very few men want a wife that’s going to yell at them and berate them in public.

Christian guys like girls who have a strength of character

I don’t know why some women think that Christian men are all misogynous pigs. We’re not. A woman who can hold her own is quite appealing. We just don’t want a woman who doesn’t know how to let a man be a man. The truth is a female that’s just a pushover and totally dependent on a man isn’t appealing at all. The exception being those guys who just want to dominate and control a woman.

Christian guys like girls who guard their assets

Ladies, I tell you the truth, thirst is never attractive. When Christian men see a scantly clad woman who’s obviously dying for attention we’ll give it to her but it’s not because we want to put a ring on it. Your mom was right; guard your assets and make him earn it.

Be a Sak’s 5th avenue where only those who have earned the privilege may enter, not a Family Dollar that caters to the lowest common denominator. Your body is a temple of God, not a bargain basement store. You are worth so much more than to just be some object for a guy that doesn’t care about you. If you want a good Christian man please dress & behave modestly.

You may not think we know who you’ve been with but trust me we do. I had a female coworker who would always complain that all the guys she talked to wanted to go to bed right away. She said just couldn’t figure out why. It was because we all knew how many guys (a lot) she had been with and sadly she was considered easy.

Trust me if a guy leaves because you wouldn’t give him your body right away it’s because he wasn’t really interested in anything serious in the first place.

Christian guys don’t like girls who try to get them to talk about their feelings

Whether it’s good or it’s bad we guys just don’t like to talk about our feelings that often. It makes us feel uncomfortable and less masculine. I remember my wife got some advice from a happiness guru that told her to get her husband (me) about his feelings for 20 minutes to improve the marriage. He called them “making loving sessions”.

I dreaded every moment of those stupid things! Finally, I told her “if me doing these bs love sessions doesn’t show you how much I love you then nothing will!”.  Seriously I wouldn’t have done those ‘loving us sessions’ for any other human being in the world except her.

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Categories
Advice for Sisters in Christ

Spiritual Questions to Ask a Guy Before Falling in Love (Written by a Guy)

Many Christian sisters have met a guy but they’re not entirely sure he’s on the up and up. Or they just don’t want to put their hearts on the line only to find out he’s just another jerk that’s not serious or worse a guy that just wants to use you. The most important thing a woman can do when getting to know a guy is to try to take the emotion out of it as much as possible. I know that’s (a lot) easier said than done but your biggest defense against creeps, jerks, and scammers is your objectivity.

My sister had met a guy that I could tell she was falling for because he was so charming.  My entire family knew he wasn’t right for her but telling her directly not to date him wouldn’t have gone well and we knew it. That’s why we decided to be tactful and asked her to ask some questions. I even wrote them down for her and now I’m giving them to you.

Spiritual questions to ask a guy before falling in love:

  • What do you do for a living? The Bible says a man’s role is to take care of his wife. A Godly man that is searching for a wife should only do so if he has to means to provide for her or is seriously working to obtain them.
  • Who do you live with?
  • How often do you go to church? If he says every Sunday ask him what did the preacher talk about last Sunday.
  • Ask him what is his role in the relationship. If he just spits out ‘the man is the head of the household’  and nothing else, run. That’s the sign of a domineering control freak.
  • What’s your favorite bible verse? I wouldn’t take any man seriously if he claims to be a man of God but couldn’t recite at least one Bible verse. Come on, the shortest verse only has two words! (Jesus wept)
  • Do you think a couple should wait until marriage to have sex? Many women are afraid to talk about it too soon but it’s imperative that you set proper expectations from jump!
  • Do you have any kids? You must ask this! If he’s got 3 kids from 3 different women that’s not a sign of a responsible individual. You can say we all make mistakes but remember that’s 3 kids and 3 different other women you’re going to have to deal with throughout the relationship.
  • What does being in a relationship do for you? In other words, you want to know why he’s looking for a relationship in the first place.
  • How many relationships have you been in? Too many relationships aren’t good and neither is being in none if he’s over 30.

Communication of expectations is key

Do you see a pattern here? You want to know what his expectations are in a relationship and if they are congruent with yours. If they’re not then you need to be tactfully upfront and let him know. Incongruent expectations lead to unanticipated outcomes. If he’s actually into you and is a decent person he’ll try to be flexible (as should you) to make it work. If not then its better to end it now than after you’ve gotten your feelings involved and put your heart on the line.

These spiritual questions are a good start but you mustn’t come off like you’re interviewing him! If you do he’ll know you’re on to him and will just tell you what you want to hear like most of us do in job interviews. These questions must be asked in a conversational format is what I’m saying. Some women who’ve been hurt try to become interrogators an inadvertently drive good guys away.

Red flags: If he says he’s ‘an entrepreneur’

Nowadays every woman and her sister read women’s advice columns and us guys know it too. Many men have come up with ways to answer these questions in a manner which will placate you even though they’re really not the type of guy that you’re looking for. If they are evasive with their answers that’s a red flag and cause to terminate the prenatal relationship.

When you ask what he does for a living and he doesn’t give you a clear job title but responds with something like “I’m an entrepreneur” you need to dig deeper ladies. An ‘entrepreneur’ can mean anything.  That being said there are true entrepreneurs out there and they are to be admired, not mocked. To find out if he’s a true entrepreneur or just a loser you need to look for the following aspects:

  • Does he always talk about his business? A true struggling entrepreneur should be living and breathing his business. If you ask any successful business person they’ll tell you that in the beginning, their business was their life.
  • Ask him how many businesses he’s had in the last 4 years. A good entrepreneur is focused on making one business a success. If he’s always pivoting from one thing to the next that’s a sign that he’s not responsible and lacks focus and discipline.
  • Check to see if he’s doing Multi-level Marketing. While I do have a few friends (like 1 or 2) that have managed to do well in those Amway types of businesses most people that try it do not. Even worse, he could be more interested in you as a recruit than as a girlfriend! If you insist on dating someone that’s doing MLM don’t ask how long he’s been doing it, better to ask how many people he has in his team or downline. MLM is about getting as many people on your team as possible. It has very little to do with selling an actual product or service.
  • Ask him how many clients he has and how long have they been with him. An entrepreneur should have at least a few clients or customers by their 3rd or 4th month depending upon their product or service. Another thing to watch out for is if his clients are always leaving and he’s always having to recruit new ones. I’m an internet entrepreneur who promotes dating sites; Christian Mingle & Eharmony are my two main clients. They’ve been with me for years and I’ve gotten several performance bonuses because I’m honest about their plusses and minuses.

Related: Eharmony vs Christian Mingle

Red flags: if he’s got multiple kids with multiple women

In my honest opinion, a man with multiple children from various women is a deal breaker. God forgive me but I wouldn’t allow my daughter to go anywhere near a guy like that and neither should you date a guy like that. Guys like that often know how to play a woman. They know what to say to make you think he’s changed and is a ‘new man’. One of the biggest tricks is to go after Christian women and tell them how they found Jesus after their sinful life and tell them that they’re just looking for a girl to give them a chance.

Well, chances are good they’re really looking for a girl to help them with their child support payments. By the way, if you marry a man with child support payments in the arrears the government can go after any joint assets you have. A friend of my mother’s got her bank account cleaned out by Uncle Sam because she put her husband’s name on it and he had back child support payments. Jesus may accept anybody but that doesn’t mean you have to.

Questions not to ask a guy when beginning a relationship

While doing the research for this article I read a lot of women’s blogs and what they advise women to ask men. I’ve never laughed so much in my life! I’ve got to say that it seems many of those bloggers are single because some of those questions were just stupid and/or would drive most good guys away.

Don’t ask a guy under any circumstances:

  • How much money do you make?
  • What kinds of gifts he likes to give
  • How much his car cost
  • Do you like shopping for a woman?
  • How many sexual partners he’s had (you can get a good idea as you guys talk more about his past)
  • Do you like to spoil a girl?
  • How big his penis is (seriously, I had a girl ask that and then get mad when I didn’t take her seriously anymore)

Yes, that last one is real. Ladies, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t expect a Godly gentleman to also be okay with you asking those sorts of questions. If you ask these questions I’m willing to bet money that the guy will stop talking to you pretty soon thereafter. Unless of course, he’s a player or a scammer in which case he’ll feel less bad about screwing you over because he’ll think you’re just a nosy gold digger.

Yes, you should ascertain whether a guy has means to take care of himself or not but you can do that by asking what he does for a living and other questions. Remember we guys want good girls who will stick with us through thick and thin. While most guys don’t mind treating a girl very few of us want to be a sugar daddy and those that do want a female in that’s pretty and in her 20’s.

Wrapping it up

Ladies, only you can determine if this guy is the right man for you. Many people will tell you to follow your heart but that’s the worst thing you can do; following your brain is much better! What good is a cute charming guy if he’s broke and always asking for cash? What good is a hypermasculine guy if he’s not even man enough to take care of his kids? Do you really want a ‘lady’s man’ that’s also a ‘ladies man’?